tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7506871408796785526..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: August First Line Grabber #13Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82953974342157042942012-08-11T11:29:02.202-04:002012-08-11T11:29:02.202-04:00No, bit confusing.No, bit confusing.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01866320252287612514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50302271436518994992012-08-10T15:41:54.476-04:002012-08-10T15:41:54.476-04:00Yes.Yes.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00052141159886452951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5754650205300473032012-08-09T23:32:16.921-04:002012-08-09T23:32:16.921-04:00No, sorry. It's just too cliche.No, sorry. It's just too cliche.Britney Gulbrandsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03637618498524496363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23607540896146399062012-08-09T22:39:19.066-04:002012-08-09T22:39:19.066-04:00No. I know it's the genre and so it's norm...No. I know it's the genre and so it's normal, but I'm not feeling it. There are too many stories out here like this one.Aightballhttp://aightball.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43261344591088072992012-08-09T19:30:35.527-04:002012-08-09T19:30:35.527-04:00No. It's been done a million times.No. It's been done a million times.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8019909608904874802012-08-09T14:47:31.193-04:002012-08-09T14:47:31.193-04:00Yes. Sounds like conflict to me. I'm ready to ...Yes. Sounds like conflict to me. I'm ready to read this novel right now, actually.Cherylhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02106422736653397018noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11285666460391996472012-08-09T14:18:56.003-04:002012-08-09T14:18:56.003-04:00No.
The syntax is a little awkward, and I'm ...No. <br /><br />The syntax is a little awkward, and I'm having trouble relating to the significance of Kyle asking her last minute.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13877221594620665812012-08-09T10:46:19.122-04:002012-08-09T10:46:19.122-04:00Yes. Sets up the question of how she feels about b...Yes. Sets up the question of how she feels about being asked last minute and that makes me curious enough about the MC to read on.AnnieBnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55359210148549328602012-08-09T07:37:21.486-04:002012-08-09T07:37:21.486-04:00Yes, because I like the idea of opening with the M...Yes, because I like the idea of opening with the MC in a panic. She won't even have time to put on a dress or do her hair, going straight from the game to the dance, right? But maybe characterize Kyle as a "last minute man" instead of using the italicized phrase at the end, and get some of her outright panic across to bring us in more emotionally.Jennnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3946174777136517942012-08-09T02:39:39.035-04:002012-08-09T02:39:39.035-04:00No. I know homecoming is important, I know at the ...No. I know homecoming is important, I know at the last minute is - well rude - but cause for panic, but I don't know how I should feel about Kyle Baldwin. Or the protag. That she didn't already have a date means what?Tori Schindlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12350474671522596420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67161134131206929982012-08-08T23:12:08.866-04:002012-08-08T23:12:08.866-04:00No. For the genre, I would need more to read furth...No. For the genre, I would need more to read further. The narrator's reaction to begin with.Stacy McKitrickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07898731847653710759noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61111734737489249432012-08-08T22:26:00.742-04:002012-08-08T22:26:00.742-04:00Yes. I agree with Robin's comments above. I wa...Yes. I agree with Robin's comments above. I want to know who the MC feels about Kyle. Why is his asking her, and last minute, signficant?Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11378846887890437566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7918369416066442062012-08-08T21:18:27.334-04:002012-08-08T21:18:27.334-04:00No. The sentence construction is awkward. It wou...No. The sentence construction is awkward. It would be better if you could include her reaction to being asked last minute.Mary Holmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00413720275477716972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62817920104597122392012-08-08T21:00:09.696-04:002012-08-08T21:00:09.696-04:00Yes--but only because I'm interested to see wh...Yes--but only because I'm interested to see what she has to say. The phrasing is awkward and, I think, emphasizes the wrong things. Most teenage girls are going to know that asking her to the dance DAY OF is horribly neglectful. Perhaps if you started with some sense of who Kyle is--her best friend? Secret crush? Lab partner? Is he a nerd or a jock? Is he someone she would normally want to go out with? Had she been hoping he would ask her? Using both his names suggests that they weren't close.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09413777557796110450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56577981948783064262012-08-08T20:31:46.777-04:002012-08-08T20:31:46.777-04:00No, boring set upNo, boring set upAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22571682044828517622012-08-08T20:26:09.685-04:002012-08-08T20:26:09.685-04:00Yes, but the phrasing is awkward. I'd cut the ...Yes, but the phrasing is awkward. I'd cut the "during the homecoming football game" part, and save it for the second sentence. But it sounds like something has happened that means something to the speaker.The Dieselpunkettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16957945738556312135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72860703963969840602012-08-08T20:22:51.628-04:002012-08-08T20:22:51.628-04:00Yes. I sense conflict already, and I'm curious...Yes. I sense conflict already, and I'm curious about the last minute part. I want to know more about the voice and the character. However, "last minute" does feel a bit abrupt.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83051442481893841132012-08-08T19:01:41.223-04:002012-08-08T19:01:41.223-04:00Yes. I want to know more about the last minute par...Yes. I want to know more about the last minute part and how it all came to be and what happened.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81607632780018895882012-08-08T18:13:44.853-04:002012-08-08T18:13:44.853-04:00No. She sounds whiny, stuck-up, and unable to adju...No. She sounds whiny, stuck-up, and unable to adjust.Petre Panhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09116806277306186024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76922365097981205712012-08-08T17:38:17.307-04:002012-08-08T17:38:17.307-04:00No. Last minute, first minute--what's the diff...No. Last minute, first minute--what's the difference? I think it would have grabbed me and been a yes, had "--last minute." not been there, because it would have opened up possibilities.The Kranky Crowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03540879407267148397noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51681781971621559102012-08-08T17:13:30.380-04:002012-08-08T17:13:30.380-04:00No. This does not inspire me to care about the na...No. This does not inspire me to care about the narrator, the boy, or the dance.Kelsey (Dominique) Ridgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10646757546422013401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63045372514384360772012-08-08T17:02:18.679-04:002012-08-08T17:02:18.679-04:00No. Just doesn't grab me.No. Just doesn't grab me.foxfyrehttp://www.rmthompson.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23014359457078437242012-08-08T16:24:55.746-04:002012-08-08T16:24:55.746-04:00No. No contect for the "last minute", ma...No. No contect for the "last minute", making it sound out of place.Marianne Suhttp://www.mariannesu.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31457247336293174592012-08-08T16:22:08.809-04:002012-08-08T16:22:08.809-04:00No, just not interesting enough for me.No, just not interesting enough for me.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67805287775450385552012-08-08T16:08:31.149-04:002012-08-08T16:08:31.149-04:00No.
Too much typical YA here for me in one place -...No.<br />Too much typical YA here for me in one place - football, homecoming, dance, last minute, etc.Jasminenoreply@blogger.com