tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7529811690791532863..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Kiss #11Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59137469912277900842013-05-10T10:21:48.101-04:002013-05-10T10:21:48.101-04:00Thank you all so much for your comments and feedba...Thank you all so much for your comments and feedback! I'm very flattered by all the positivity and excited to make some adjustments to make the scene even stronger. spazfillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06165692758574924371noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76892085715964461962013-05-09T20:28:02.590-04:002013-05-09T20:28:02.590-04:00Brava! I can feel the passion, and i love that th...Brava! I can feel the passion, and i love that the MC initiates the kiss. Seems as though too many kiss scenes fall into the "and then it happened" trope. VGChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18063483761374443480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26598664217679830782013-05-09T13:40:53.594-04:002013-05-09T13:40:53.594-04:00I think this is very well written. Lots of drama, ...I think this is very well written. Lots of drama, lots of emotion. My only complaint is that I wasn't sure who the agressor was. If it was Princess Denna or her sister-in-law-to-be. However, I'm sure if I were reading the whole thing, I'd know. Great work!Niki Schoenfeldthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13732768791387582546noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9919308424802281852013-05-08T16:47:10.564-04:002013-05-08T16:47:10.564-04:00Lovely writing! I especially liked “kissing her sl...Lovely writing! I especially liked “kissing her slowly, deeply, every feeling I had for her pooling into my lips as I tasted her” and “I could feel the furious beating of her heart keeping time with my own.”<br /><br />I was a bit distracted, though, by trying to figure out where they were in relationship to the window. Was the other trying to climb out? (I caught her arm and pulled her back.) Are they then sitting on the sill (planting myself on the sill beside her)? But then Denna pushes her back against the sill, so they couldn't be sitting. I’m assuming this whole set-up has already been described and that the window rope has already been mentioned.<br /><br />Since two kinds of touching have already happened (fingers in hair, pulled face to mine), I’d change “went” to “had gone” in this sentence: “Her body had gone rigid at my touch.”<br /><br />And being “inseparable from her” doesn’t really have anything to do with the “icy wind.” You could say something like: “Not even the icy wind that cut through the open window could distract me in that moment as I kissed her...”<br />MM Chandlernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90679094645549827642013-05-07T15:46:15.379-04:002013-05-07T15:46:15.379-04:00Wow. This scene is pulled me in and did not let go...Wow. This scene is pulled me in and did not let go. I was ready to turn the page.Patchihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09097638657085263738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4625213532605088502013-05-07T10:55:40.922-04:002013-05-07T10:55:40.922-04:00This is beautifully written. I agree with Maja and...This is beautifully written. I agree with Maja and wouldn't change a thing!Funnyasreallovenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57220779641435508012013-05-07T10:40:26.625-04:002013-05-07T10:40:26.625-04:00I really could feel the chemistry in this one. I a...I really could feel the chemistry in this one. I also think your descriptions are great. I personally wouldn't remove or add anything but leave it as it is :)<br /><br />great job.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162233468507390331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69188445426708437432013-05-07T10:37:27.744-04:002013-05-07T10:37:27.744-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05162233468507390331noreply@blogger.com