tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7542018634878049697..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Line Grabber #25Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90702286600348943352012-02-25T17:48:29.696-05:002012-02-25T17:48:29.696-05:00No.
This seems to have the opposite problem from ...No.<br /><br />This seems to have the opposite problem from a lot of the other entries: too short, not enough information, and it feels like it's trying too hard to be cryptic and poetic.Abbe Hoggannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61287654123768886882012-02-25T02:39:18.085-05:002012-02-25T02:39:18.085-05:00Yes. I'd read on to find out what the MC meant...Yes. I'd read on to find out what the MC meant.Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85194033353997620992012-02-24T20:33:28.303-05:002012-02-24T20:33:28.303-05:00No. I have no idea what that means and no clear pa...No. I have no idea what that means and no clear path to see that it might make sense with clarification.Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17113110549541788982012-02-24T19:47:56.625-05:002012-02-24T19:47:56.625-05:00YES! I love all the questions it causes to pop int...YES! I love all the questions it causes to pop into my mind. I want answers!TKAstlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15853167834460094772noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27057037176301078322012-02-24T16:25:40.978-05:002012-02-24T16:25:40.978-05:00No. I almost said yes, but as an opening line, it ...No. I almost said yes, but as an opening line, it seems vague, like it's trying too hard.A Little Pushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08081183739979996879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19776548268352625842012-02-24T15:34:46.415-05:002012-02-24T15:34:46.415-05:00I wasn't sure about this one, but landed on Ye...I wasn't sure about this one, but landed on Yes.<br /><br />I agree with S. Kyle Davis, because it is poetic, and that's what intrigued me. I started trying to figure out ways a life could be mirrors. (my background is poetry, so I'm drawn to thIngs like this).<br /><br />I disagree with Heather - that is, if it is truly poetic and you can pull it off - because her suggestions would change the meaning.Danika Dinsmorehttp://theaccidentalnovelist.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82266608992136063332012-02-24T14:02:17.770-05:002012-02-24T14:02:17.770-05:00Yes. I like snappy lines like this. I'm intrig...Yes. I like snappy lines like this. I'm intrigued. I wish I knew which genre of YA this was, my best guess is paranormal.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75641556797006500472012-02-24T12:32:22.099-05:002012-02-24T12:32:22.099-05:00No. 'My life is mirrors' Too short for me....No. 'My life is mirrors' Too short for me.....seems a bit awkward. I think it needed a little more for an opening hook.Nata Cynthia Artistadonnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09790244390075247862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78730202966142136412012-02-24T09:49:01.531-05:002012-02-24T09:49:01.531-05:00yes. short and intriquing. would definitely read m...yes. short and intriquing. would definitely read more.mjbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17596674151633279472012-02-24T09:03:28.007-05:002012-02-24T09:03:28.007-05:00Yes.
Clever, intriguing.Yes. <br /><br />Clever, intriguing.geewizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05851827620960530141noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23304745177177890692012-02-24T08:57:53.531-05:002012-02-24T08:57:53.531-05:00Yes! I have no idea what that means, but I REALLY ...Yes! I have no idea what that means, but I REALLY want to know.Ashley Turcottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07641064437873182899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84301780961279913762012-02-24T03:22:03.387-05:002012-02-24T03:22:03.387-05:00No. It's a bit too abstract, and I'm scare...No. It's a bit too abstract, and I'm scared that what comes next will be an unwieldy and ultimately unsatisfactory explanation, or some more of the same type of prose, in which case I would not be able to get a strong sense of the character and what makes him/her special.Steph Suhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09834692034486125015noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18937802940420525272012-02-24T01:25:16.209-05:002012-02-24T01:25:16.209-05:00Yes. I'll bite, because I like the idea and wh...Yes. I'll bite, because I like the idea and where it might lead. But the second line better make good on that promise.Beth Hnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4073341014274521412012-02-24T00:39:48.788-05:002012-02-24T00:39:48.788-05:00No. It sounds arty, but means nothing.No. It sounds arty, but means nothing.Jo-Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15705983780352542190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19288649602422261992012-02-23T22:17:47.089-05:002012-02-23T22:17:47.089-05:00Yes. This leaves me completely intrigued -- I want...Yes. This leaves me completely intrigued -- I want to read on so I can understand what you mean by this.Juliahttp://www.juliathewritergirl.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11921130573148288802012-02-23T19:48:55.478-05:002012-02-23T19:48:55.478-05:00No. Only because when I read it, I read it as if t...No. Only because when I read it, I read it as if this person's life revolves around mirrors, that they have a great love for them or something. Who loves mirrors that much? I realize on another reading that's probably not quite what it means, but I'd rather not have to read it a couple of times to work that out.Wen Baragreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17741246296963740806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19101426389621306242012-02-23T18:26:16.390-05:002012-02-23T18:26:16.390-05:00Yes, it's cryptastic.Yes, it's cryptastic.Amanda S. Gardnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03865077959290947501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34399621291901650882012-02-23T16:16:59.421-05:002012-02-23T16:16:59.421-05:00Yes, makes me wonder why she/he feels life is that...Yes, makes me wonder why she/he feels life is that way.Vivi B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/05054647527562570624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58622549797546920412012-02-23T16:15:45.605-05:002012-02-23T16:15:45.605-05:00No.
It seems poetic, but:
1) There's just n...No. <br /><br />It seems poetic, but:<br /><br />1) There's just not enough there to fully entice me. <br /><br />"My life" might as well be peanut butter or T-Rexes for all that I get a hint of what's going on here. I want a little bit of something to better anchor me. "My life is mirrors and designer gowns and flash bulbs." Or "My life is mirrors, and everything's turned backward."<br /><br />2) The metaphor isn't exactly parallel, so it jars slightly. You could alter it slightly to something smoother, like:<br /><br />"My life is like a mirror."<br /><br />"My life is full of mirrors."<br /><br />"My life is plagued by mirrors."<br /><br />The way it's phrased right now makes it sound sort of like "Mirrors are my life," like baseball is my life or ceramic kittens are my life.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82661603830268457572012-02-23T15:08:36.091-05:002012-02-23T15:08:36.091-05:00No. This might be great when combined with the fol...No. This might be great when combined with the following sentence, but on its own, doesn't totally grab me. (Incidentally, I think it's fine to lead with a couple of short sentences that grab the reader rather than cramming everything into one single long one. Just depends on your book, and the tone and voice you use throughout.)Shakier Anthemhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16169934547082128953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53193303795274049112012-02-23T14:45:04.433-05:002012-02-23T14:45:04.433-05:00Yes. But I need an explanation in the next senten...Yes. But I need an explanation in the next sentence. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11607291218714097810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50669222552082523862012-02-23T14:32:30.678-05:002012-02-23T14:32:30.678-05:00No. I thought it was too vague and it wasn't e...No. I thought it was too vague and it wasn't enough to draw me in.Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00685341739870191402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36269492200016017662012-02-23T14:08:55.845-05:002012-02-23T14:08:55.845-05:00No. There's not enough there to do more than c...No. There's not enough there to do more than confuse me. Sorry.Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874147599272424056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68029325715893607912012-02-23T13:55:49.882-05:002012-02-23T13:55:49.882-05:00Yes. I would read the next para, but you would hav...Yes. I would read the next para, but you would have to get to the point quickly.JL Dannorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15144540248274739914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66070225714494008192012-02-23T13:21:02.879-05:002012-02-23T13:21:02.879-05:00Yes. I'm intrigued! I'm hoping that the ne...Yes. I'm intrigued! I'm hoping that the next few sentences are a continuation of this metaphor.Harper K.noreply@blogger.com