tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7700463876503052852..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: May Secret Agent Contest #12Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61279406891520072442018-05-21T01:22:03.546-04:002018-05-21T01:22:03.546-04:00There's great imagery here, but the dialogue f...There's great imagery here, but the dialogue felt a bit stiff. I didn't get a good sense or knowledge of the Main Character's personality or attitudes or voice from this opening, and I desperately wanted to feel some of her anxiety or fear or some guesses as to why her father has summoned her inside. <br /><br />Thank you so much for sharing!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66242675023274042102018-05-18T16:57:51.966-04:002018-05-18T16:57:51.966-04:00I agree. Good description, but I felt removed. May...I agree. Good description, but I felt removed. Maybe try to ground the reader in the experience so they feel as if they are there. belknapmihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17758214518032484574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88032857273940838432018-05-17T06:16:07.762-04:002018-05-17T06:16:07.762-04:00I agree that your description is great! I really g...I agree that your description is great! I really got an image of the ramshackle farm, but a hint of the fantasy element might draw the reader in more.Karennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73096595542585229142018-05-16T17:44:11.913-04:002018-05-16T17:44:11.913-04:00I like your descriptions of the setting: farm, dus...I like your descriptions of the setting: farm, dusty, run down, etc. however, you say at the beginning how they're rushed in before sunset. I feel like you could give more hint as to why. Maybe your character has a few thoughts? Weather, something she'd overheard, a past memory once when they were called inside early. I feel like it would give the reader a little more incentive to keep going past the descriptions to solve the mystery.Sarah Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09940927153504938003noreply@blogger.com