tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7727916196514104405..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #11Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4975388388989342932014-01-18T13:15:12.476-05:002014-01-18T13:15:12.476-05:00This opening pulled me right into Alex's world...This opening pulled me right into Alex's world. You did a nice job of setting the scene, and offered up just the right amount of information about the Institute to peak my curiosity, without going into too much detail/backstory right up front. I'm intrigued and would continue reading.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91353452113482467682014-01-18T06:43:35.194-05:002014-01-18T06:43:35.194-05:00My first thought was - her apartment is prone to l...My first thought was - her apartment is prone to leaks, it happens often, yet she has to borrow a bucket? You'd think she'd own several all ready. And Danny, who has loaned her several buckets for this very reason, has to ask why she needs one? Wouldn't he assume why? <br /><br />Perhaps she might all ready have several buckets under several leaks and need 'another' one, and perhaps Danny might ask "Another leak?" <br /><br />Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4530332077455795322014-01-17T02:22:14.077-05:002014-01-17T02:22:14.077-05:00I really liked this one - I feel like I get a sens...I really liked this one - I feel like I get a sense of your character through how she perceives her apartment (admits it's shabby, appreciates its good qualities like the fact that it's cheap, acknowledges but doesn't bemoan being too poor for something else).Wendy Quallshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09738672242498685175noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51629600639555702962014-01-15T15:52:57.220-05:002014-01-15T15:52:57.220-05:00I love your first line and your description of the...I love your first line and your description of the apartment--I feel like I've been in that apartment before. I want to know more aobut the Nove Rose Institute of Science and Alex's relationship with Danny, both of which would keep me reading if there were more here.<br /><br />However, I can't figure out if Danny and Alex are in the seperate apartments or if Danny's in the next room. Also, I think you can take the dialogue tags out when Alex says "I have a leak" and Danny says "another one"--or, if you like to leave them in, give us a little more about Alex or Danny. For example, is Danny sympathetic, laughing, annoyed?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15938705968868551728noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51193512982360363572014-01-15T14:47:34.230-05:002014-01-15T14:47:34.230-05:00I like your writing style, although sometimes you&...I like your writing style, although sometimes you're heavy on adverbs (steady drip, dirty ceiling, moth eaten carpet). It does a good job of setting the scene. It's easy to imagine what the apartment must look like.J E Oneilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09780097298061829471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6833550813980509672014-01-15T11:48:31.350-05:002014-01-15T11:48:31.350-05:00I really enjoy your writing, but when I read a phr...I really enjoy your writing, but when I read a phrase like 'weary hands' I can't help but think, is her hand actually weary, or is she? Maybe replace that with trembling, or something like that.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73755522473991034542014-01-15T11:16:49.765-05:002014-01-15T11:16:49.765-05:00Although it was a little heavy on the exposition, ...Although it was a little heavy on the exposition, the smooth writing made up for it and I'd read on. (If only because I'm a sucker for Hogwarts-like school dramas.) You know there will always be evil bullies and teachers to hate and fun powers to learn. (Of course this is all speculation because the only thing I know about the MC right now is her hatred of leaks and being poor.)Ryanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17789434379917863100noreply@blogger.com