tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7793886940092029428..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: April Secret Agent Contest #6Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger27125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14733425635136701942010-04-18T17:32:23.573-04:002010-04-18T17:32:23.573-04:00Yep, this one is great. And an infant born dead w...Yep, this one is great. And an infant born dead would indeed be blue. Love it all.Erica75https://www.blogger.com/profile/11956911792756252381noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21373522506968557332010-04-17T15:14:45.729-04:002010-04-17T15:14:45.729-04:00No doubt I would read on. The opening sentence is ...No doubt I would read on. The opening sentence is such a grabber, as is the whole compelling story. I mean - this all seems like back story, because I assume the story will be about Rain, not her parents. However, it's so well written and emotional!Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01686142500678187823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81871366587065354772010-04-16T22:12:21.402-04:002010-04-16T22:12:21.402-04:00I love this. I saw that you submitted the first li...I love this. I saw that you submitted the first line in the last contest thingy (the first 25 words one)and I wanted to read more then. I was very excited to see it here! It's very sad, but compelling. I definitely want to read more.Mary Framehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16788741094016287877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73910276409020604672010-04-16T09:55:48.259-04:002010-04-16T09:55:48.259-04:00It hooked me for sure and I love the last sentence...It hooked me for sure and I love the last sentence.<br /><br />Fantastic.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36408121333147462972010-04-15T14:55:37.354-04:002010-04-15T14:55:37.354-04:00Excellent beginning, a real grabber. I wanted to k...Excellent beginning, a real grabber. I wanted to keep reading.Conda Douglashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12972790965426924941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37110071557532540202010-04-15T14:37:42.984-04:002010-04-15T14:37:42.984-04:00I love this. Your first line was awesome and I fou...I love this. Your first line was awesome and I found myself wanting more after the last line was read and done. Great work!Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15498766421459190134noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76871533935839727792010-04-15T00:58:10.447-04:002010-04-15T00:58:10.447-04:00Oops, one thing I meant to say. Most newborns are...Oops, one thing I meant to say. Most newborns are sort of "blue". Maybe there's something more you could add.Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01975820226619153965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-92210568285344624222010-04-15T00:54:25.462-04:002010-04-15T00:54:25.462-04:00I'd keep reading. Nice work.I'd keep reading. Nice work.Gretchenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01975820226619153965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30176117351321154742010-04-14T21:32:24.359-04:002010-04-14T21:32:24.359-04:00I adore this, I'd read on. Excellent job!I adore this, I'd read on. Excellent job!Alix https://www.blogger.com/profile/04684209302932310537noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12469838197356694622010-04-14T21:04:30.016-04:002010-04-14T21:04:30.016-04:00I would definitely keep reading on this one :DI would definitely keep reading on this one :DVeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03844706436726113433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74741001041280233852010-04-14T19:37:42.083-04:002010-04-14T19:37:42.083-04:00Great writing on top of an intriguing premise. I&#...Great writing on top of an intriguing premise. I'd definitely keep reading. <br /><br />Way to go. I think this is my favorite, too, but I love YA paranormal, so I might be biased.Tere Kirklandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13562750950130316280noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42914129960335319062010-04-14T19:36:05.566-04:002010-04-14T19:36:05.566-04:00I feel so weird commenting after everyone else, ma...I feel so weird commenting after everyone else, maybe I should stop reading what they have to say. But I agree, again. <br /><br />Very compelling, I would definitely keep reading!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91418237963364581332010-04-14T18:16:04.604-04:002010-04-14T18:16:04.604-04:00Love it. No reservations. I would keep eagerly rea...Love it. No reservations. I would keep eagerly reading.Sara J. Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16145626175256433448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52544465656202040082010-04-14T18:05:58.056-04:002010-04-14T18:05:58.056-04:00Thanks for sharing your work in such a public foru...Thanks for sharing your work in such a public forum. That takes guts.<br /><br />My comments are just a quick impression, as if I were browsing in a bookstore.<br /><br />This is tricky, because the writing is assuredly good: well-paced, with good word choices. <br /><br />But... I felt a little tricked by where the opening line (which is great, by the way)leads. She didn't really die because she was able to be resuscitated. Also, although I like the Grandma refusing to call the child Lucky, I question why she would name her after "the reason for my sad situation." I guess this hesitation comes because I don't know the Grandma yet and the kind of person she is.<br /><br />That said, you are definitely someone who writes with assurance and I would read on to see what you would do next!Michael G-Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947421844294471304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78273753651126443002010-04-14T17:27:16.489-04:002010-04-14T17:27:16.489-04:00I love the backstory used in this case. It's t...I love the backstory used in this case. It's the perfect set-up to whatever happens next. Of course, I know what happens next so I can vouch that the beginning is perfect for it! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05255908019822363456noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36157537859849668542010-04-14T16:37:42.992-04:002010-04-14T16:37:42.992-04:00Great job. Paranormal isn't really my thing, ...Great job. Paranormal isn't really my thing, generally, but I think I'd keep reading after this great opening. I agree with the others that this one starting with backstory is truly the exception to the rule. Nice work!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58164675939077909502010-04-14T15:53:31.095-04:002010-04-14T15:53:31.095-04:00I'd want to change "angst" to "...I'd want to change "angst" to "anguish" simply because I associate angst to emo teenagers and 1990s-era Alanis Morissette. <br /><br />But, I'd buy this book based on these 250 words alone. I'm eager to read on. This is my favorite of the 50 entries.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10490190235572477942010-04-14T15:14:34.167-04:002010-04-14T15:14:34.167-04:00Wow. Fantastic. I love it. I think the way you sta...Wow. Fantastic. I love it. I think the way you started with backstory, in your case, is the exception to the rule. I want to keep reading! I also want to find out what makes this story paranormal. Great job.KaraLeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05037958842051839383noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88885309137552624802010-04-14T14:49:25.643-04:002010-04-14T14:49:25.643-04:00I'm hooked. The voice and the writing reeled m...I'm hooked. The voice and the writing reeled me in.<br /><br />I did picture her parents running when you said 'raced' in the 2nd sentence. It wasn't until I saw 'highway' that I thought 'driving.' Perhaps say - My parents' car raced?<br /><br />You might also start the last parg with - At the hospital - because there wouldn't have been any nurses at the accident scene.<br /><br />All in all, a nice start!Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132182710265406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17603378105310939632010-04-14T12:30:34.621-04:002010-04-14T12:30:34.621-04:00I love this. I'm hooked. I think it is becau...I love this. I'm hooked. I think it is because in just 250 words, you have made me truly care about your character. Let it Rain.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05439252335900082792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41009351253939743032010-04-14T11:53:01.056-04:002010-04-14T11:53:01.056-04:00I wasn't sure about this in the beginning, bec...I wasn't sure about this in the beginning, because I thought it was going to be another dead-girl-speaks-from-beyond-the-grave protag. <br /><br />But then I read on.<br /><br />And when I got to the end, I got goosebumps. <br /><br />Love it. So hooked.MHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16748209334943163314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8772997620350747972010-04-14T11:45:02.437-04:002010-04-14T11:45:02.437-04:00I like this. I agree with people above about the b...I like this. I agree with people above about the backstory -- this works. And since it's paranormal, the fact that she "knows" all this will probably come into play later. I'd definitely keep reading.<br /><br />Love the name Rain, btw.Selestialhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11513212631394350304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75726330295561416392010-04-14T11:15:34.426-04:002010-04-14T11:15:34.426-04:00How tragic!
I instantly felt compassion for Rain ...How tragic!<br /><br />I instantly felt compassion for Rain and her deceased parents. I love that she endured and came back to life. How cool, yet sad.<br /><br />I want her to prevail. I hope she does. ;)Jess (The Cozy Reader)https://www.blogger.com/profile/09952470536106390326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83432743287284552112010-04-14T09:41:03.421-04:002010-04-14T09:41:03.421-04:00I personally like the backstory. It's brief, c...I personally like the backstory. It's brief, concise, and leads perfectly into that last line. I'm definitely 'hooked' and would keep reading, perhaps even buy the book if I had no time for further perusal. :D Fantastic job!Bethany Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829932931010851406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43523731737597159632010-04-14T09:34:28.120-04:002010-04-14T09:34:28.120-04:00Usually, back story slows things down, but this is...Usually, back story slows things down, but this is interesting and well written and I want to know what happened. It caught my attention and held it.Lacey J Edwardshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17930985573303127061noreply@blogger.com