tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7807907108419565952..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: (4) Adult Literary Fiction: BREEDING GROUNDSAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83118673041062636362013-12-03T13:20:25.923-05:002013-12-03T13:20:25.923-05:00BIDDING IS CLOSED.
The full goes to Michelle Wolf...BIDDING IS CLOSED.<br /><br />The full goes to Michelle Wolfson!Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75274901831194721632013-12-03T12:05:09.700-05:002013-12-03T12:05:09.700-05:00Mwa ha ha ha. I'm everywhere!!!Mwa ha ha ha. I'm everywhere!!!Michelle Wolfsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14284979209387029008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39314377924608456692013-12-03T11:52:47.016-05:002013-12-03T11:52:47.016-05:00Wolfson! Gah!Wolfson! Gah!Josh Getzlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01141722943145348820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90444221263525669562013-12-03T11:47:11.831-05:002013-12-03T11:47:11.831-05:00200 pages200 pagesMichelle Wolfsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14284979209387029008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4899616347910874102013-12-03T11:36:37.250-05:002013-12-03T11:36:37.250-05:00146 pages146 pagesJosh Getzlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01141722943145348820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-200425641957649992013-12-03T11:04:31.569-05:002013-12-03T11:04:31.569-05:00126 pages126 pagesMichelle Wolfsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14284979209387029008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3173125136072905632013-12-03T11:03:29.484-05:002013-12-03T11:03:29.484-05:0084 pages84 pagesCarlie Webbernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-92008833306660335512013-12-03T11:00:20.533-05:002013-12-03T11:00:20.533-05:0064 pages64 pagesMichelle Wolfsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14284979209387029008noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26266258737502958602013-12-02T22:52:26.045-05:002013-12-02T22:52:26.045-05:00The logline seems a bit vague—is this meant to fea...The logline seems a bit vague—is this meant to feature an ensemble cast? Or is there a focus on specific characters? I’m not sure that the reasoning behind why the fisherman husband would be innocent is the strongest hook—instead, perhaps focus on how others have motive. While the line “In this small New England town where ethics are a luxury and the desire to escape is as strong as the urge to make do, Breeding Grounds carries you down to the depths, where even the foulest deeds make sense.” is evocative, it doesn’t really give a promise for what this story is going to focus on. <br /><br />With the opening, I found myself wanting more information on who is this character? She’s the start of the book—your first introduction for readers. Why choose her? What is her role? If she’s the main character, her role ought to be defined in the logline. You have a fantastic voice—although I think there are areas of narrative voice that could be expanded upon to truly bring out her ‘voice’ and her initial characterization. You have a really fantastic use of imagery—and the final line had me wanting to read more. <br /><br />Good luck!Mallory Braushttp://www.mallorybraus.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60961392621489691242013-12-02T16:31:51.997-05:002013-12-02T16:31:51.997-05:00Great atmosphere, pacing, dialogue. But the best p...Great atmosphere, pacing, dialogue. But the best part about this entry is the voice. It shows exceptional command of the story and a thought-out knowledge of who this person is. <br /><br />The only problem is...I don't know who this person is. Man? Woman? <br /><br />Also I think the writing level is high but I question if literary fiction is the right category. Isn't this a literary mystery?<br /><br />I would definitely want to read more.<br /><br />Nancy Bilyeau<br />www.nancybilyeau.comNancy Bilyeauhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03081147714919653976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17286017286445936032013-12-02T09:59:23.854-05:002013-12-02T09:59:23.854-05:00Great voice. In general, this sort of story isn...Great voice. In general, this sort of story isn't my thing, but I'd keep reading because you've captured a feeling and a situation really well. I don't have any real critique to go here because I'm unfamiliar with the genre, but I'd look at your two sentences at the end of paragraph one. Consider sticking them back together because the verb in the second is a reference to the first. It tripped me up (but I trip easily).<br /><br />Good work, and good luck! Renahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02767762370997304308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24690305520885584792013-11-30T14:03:22.820-05:002013-11-30T14:03:22.820-05:00Nicely done! I felt like I was reading a novel, n...Nicely done! I felt like I was reading a novel, not critiquing one.<br /><br />My only suggestions are to perhaps make it evident she's a woman. I'm assuming she's Dora Gill, but I don't know that as fact. Perhaps the Little Sargeant could say, "Police, Dora. Open up." And the fact that he knows her by name would also show how small the town is.<br /><br />And then I'd suggest you cut the sentence starting with "You know" because it takes us out of the story. It's a character aside to the audience. <br /><br />I did wonder about the genre. From the log line, I'd guess this was a murder mystery. I'm not seeing anything that makes it literary.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63891443261249679142013-11-30T09:26:51.187-05:002013-11-30T09:26:51.187-05:00I like the atmosphere in this one! (I stumbled at...I like the atmosphere in this one! (I stumbled at "blueblood cold" for a moment because blueblood makes me think immediately of aristocracy but I do get it.) REGnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40765876792001005712013-11-30T09:16:36.538-05:002013-11-30T09:16:36.538-05:00Yeah, this one has a great voice to it. The loglin...Yeah, this one has a great voice to it. The logline promises a very captivating and twisted tale, and the entry goes directly to work on fulfilling that promise. Nicely done.<br /><br />[I assume the opening line was supposed to have quotation marks around it? As in the Sergeant is calling her name? That's how I read it anyway]<br /><br />Best of luck with it!Wade Whitenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70331997059404212672013-11-30T01:36:17.740-05:002013-11-30T01:36:17.740-05:00Wowzers. From the get-go here I feel I'm in go...Wowzers. From the get-go here I feel I'm in good hands (i.e. this is a writer who knows how to tell a story.) I presume the character in whose head we're in is Dora (though there's nothing quite yet to anchor us in the character's gender), and what I get is that she's as tough as old boots. <br /><br />(One nit: you need a comma after Little Sergeant in the first para.)<br /><br />Great phrasing, great rhythm, great voice. I sure as hell want to know why the Little Sergeant is knocking at Dora's door in the 'blueblood cold,' and I'm certain some of those agents will want to know too. Good luck!Michael G-Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07947421844294471304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61001528657669153502013-11-29T22:31:11.515-05:002013-11-29T22:31:11.515-05:00"Blueblood cold outside" - LOVE this. Gr..."Blueblood cold outside" - LOVE this. Great line. <br /><br />I don't have much to add. The tone is great, the MC's voice is great, and there's a mystery right off the bat. I'm hooked for sure. <br /><br />The only issue I can see is that I occasionally have a little bit of trouble understanding the image you're trying to create; the language at times feels imprecise, or vague. For example, in the last sentence: "he seemed like a man in his own mind. But down there, with the street empty behind him, the Sunday morning quiet and that gray New England cold, he was just the opposite." I think the problem is that I don't quite know what "a man in his own mind" means. Does the MC think he's sane? Decisive? Opinionated? Stubborn? And why does the gray, quiet, cold morning make him seem the opposite?<br /><br />If you answer these questions later on in this first chapter, then no real problem. In any case, it's certainly more than enough to keep me reading, and the logline is crisp, clean, and totally intriguing. Liz Blockerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16160510626027597666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78138528919267361052013-11-29T18:19:43.471-05:002013-11-29T18:19:43.471-05:00THIS I love. Perfect prose. Love all the descripti...THIS I love. Perfect prose. Love all the description, dialoge both internal and between the characters. Great description. I am totally invested in the MC from the start and I want to find out what's going on. BEST. ENTRY. <br /><br />Good luck! I'd keep reading to the end, and not many books can keep my attention, even by author's I know personally. I usually skip over all the 'bla bla bla'... No bla bla bla here. No extraneous words. <br /><br />Great job! Finally, an entry worthy of kicking me out of the game. Good luck!<br /><br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04081314889684032209noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32382905292888984792013-11-29T17:01:13.229-05:002013-11-29T17:01:13.229-05:00I really liked this and I would definitely keep re...I really liked this and I would definitely keep reading. I like lit fic that has a mystery to it.<br /><br />I did wonder, though, what the purpose was with opening with "Dora McGill". I didn't follow that at all and have no idea how it fit in with the rest of the excerpt<br /><br />Good luck!Sarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.com