tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7891942956945096857..comments2024-03-19T07:38:28.530-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Line Grabber #13Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger48125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77254353442510027622012-02-26T00:31:57.497-05:002012-02-26T00:31:57.497-05:00Yes, but tentative. It did make me want to know wh...Yes, but tentative. It did make me want to know why, but it was a bit generic.danikahttp://theaccidentalnovelist.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53170291993500418642012-02-25T21:15:34.673-05:002012-02-25T21:15:34.673-05:00Yes.
There is enough here, a question of why?, t...Yes. <br /><br />There is enough here, a question of why?, that keeps me interested to find out more about this character.Jenniferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09521315180241354286noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61572128227071271922012-02-25T14:54:36.578-05:002012-02-25T14:54:36.578-05:00Yes.
It's borderline, but I'm interested ...Yes.<br /><br />It's borderline, but I'm interested enough in "why?" to keep reading. And I like that it's a simple, clean sentence. Makes me think I'll enjoy the writing, that I won't get bogged down in unnecessary dependent clauses or excessive description.Abbe Hoggannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15008778962730879702012-02-25T14:32:56.183-05:002012-02-25T14:32:56.183-05:00Yes, mostly because it is a short sentence with en...Yes, mostly because it is a short sentence with enough of a hint at a problem to read on a bit. The next sentence will need to add more punch.Traci VWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18158949570719862850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32381933310951685012012-02-24T16:45:29.030-05:002012-02-24T16:45:29.030-05:00No. I don't feel like I'm inside Emma'...No. I don't feel like I'm inside Emma's head (assuming she's your protagonist). Open showing Emma's fatigue, instead of telling us she hasn't slept in 3 days.A Little Pushhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08081183739979996879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19372146682275590502012-02-24T16:28:07.686-05:002012-02-24T16:28:07.686-05:00Yes. I think it could be stronger, but it wouldn&#...Yes. I think it could be stronger, but it wouldn't stop me from reading. Maybe something like, "Three sleepless nights left Emma feeling..."Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43422214375341712302012-02-24T14:41:35.582-05:002012-02-24T14:41:35.582-05:00No. Too many reasons she might not have slept that...No. Too many reasons she might not have slept that are not interesting. Insomnia, new baby, new job - I think you need more specificity in the first line - something that leaves the reader wanting the second line.Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12446218348616924352012-02-24T13:07:51.479-05:002012-02-24T13:07:51.479-05:00No. I think more is needed to set the opening scen...No. I think more is needed to set the opening scene. Alot of us go days without sleeping ....I know I have. So what makes this characters story different? Adding a little more hook will turn this around.Nata Cynthia Artistadonnahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09790244390075247862noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7890000815079345202012-02-24T12:32:04.506-05:002012-02-24T12:32:04.506-05:00Yes, to finish the concept. Other interesting thin...Yes, to finish the concept. Other interesting things need to happen quickly to make me keep reading.Heidihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17237687110595005423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68153577755143622402012-02-24T12:04:55.506-05:002012-02-24T12:04:55.506-05:00No. Insomnia's such a common problem that this...No. Insomnia's such a common problem that this doesn't give me a strong sense of the character or the conflict.Shakier Anthemhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16169934547082128953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57822832497364635222012-02-24T06:35:09.204-05:002012-02-24T06:35:09.204-05:00Yes. But, I'd hope that the next couple of sen...Yes. But, I'd hope that the next couple of sentences give an interesting or intriguing reason for the lack of sleep. It grabs me because obviously not sleeping that long is not normal, and I want to know why.Ailsahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02824021953575422303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82326607449266952372012-02-23T20:04:19.296-05:002012-02-23T20:04:19.296-05:00No. It just seems like a relatively easy problem t...No. It just seems like a relatively easy problem to solve: lie down and go to sleep then. If we knew why she couldn't sleep it might work, though.Wen Baragreyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17741246296963740806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4820203224479370352012-02-23T18:34:09.708-05:002012-02-23T18:34:09.708-05:00YES-- I can't imagine how awful that must be, ...YES-- I can't imagine how awful that must be, and why she's suffered this way.Amanda S. Gardnerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03865077959290947501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12108722541858192542012-02-23T17:04:34.022-05:002012-02-23T17:04:34.022-05:00No. There are so many various reasons why a person...No. There are so many various reasons why a person may not have slept, that it's not enough to pull me in. I'm missing a sense of where this is going.JL Dannorhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15144540248274739914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55468177610351933532012-02-23T16:50:12.609-05:002012-02-23T16:50:12.609-05:00Yes. I want to know why she hasn't been able t...Yes. I want to know why she hasn't been able to sleep. I'd at least read long enough to see if the reason was interesting. If it was, I'd keep going from there.Ashley Turcottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07641064437873182899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81457808996766947622012-02-23T15:00:52.397-05:002012-02-23T15:00:52.397-05:00No. I don't care about Emma yet. I need to s...No. I don't care about Emma yet. I need to sympathize with her.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11607291218714097810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41610643527727399982012-02-23T14:43:03.565-05:002012-02-23T14:43:03.565-05:00Yes, because I want to know why.Yes, because I want to know why.Pattihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00685341739870191402noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47441060340767995662012-02-23T14:35:48.747-05:002012-02-23T14:35:48.747-05:00Yes. I've had insomnia, and it sucks. I'd ...Yes. I've had insomnia, and it sucks. I'd want to know why she hadn't slept. I'd read on to see the next sentence - if it was something good, I'd keep going.Feaky Snuckerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17481513779668517971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89278091566590887852012-02-23T14:31:38.348-05:002012-02-23T14:31:38.348-05:00Yes. But only barely. It really depends on the nex...Yes. But only barely. It really depends on the next sentence.Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874147599272424056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85404309594779132102012-02-23T14:07:44.477-05:002012-02-23T14:07:44.477-05:00Yes. I'd read on a few more sentences to find ...Yes. I'd read on a few more sentences to find out why.Tara Dairmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02553180762608936696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76407601502028705292012-02-23T13:49:28.192-05:002012-02-23T13:49:28.192-05:00No.
Here's my problem with these kinds of st...No. <br /><br />Here's my problem with these kinds of starters: The story isn't about the fact that Emma hasn't slept in three days. The story is about either what has interrupted her sleep or what happens because she hasn't slept. The line needs at least a teaser of that to get me interested.Heathernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68532569464880690072012-02-23T13:30:07.248-05:002012-02-23T13:30:07.248-05:00Yes.
Simply because I want to know why and that w...Yes.<br /><br />Simply because I want to know why and that will keep me reading.Janihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01719756455059796984noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66076130699034132272012-02-23T13:24:36.731-05:002012-02-23T13:24:36.731-05:00Yes, but it's almost a no. I don't care ye...Yes, but it's almost a no. I don't care yet about Emma and so I'm ready to be bored. However, she obviously has a problem so I'd read another sentence or two to find out more.Plumbagonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66382933803549457482012-02-23T13:05:54.880-05:002012-02-23T13:05:54.880-05:00Yes. I would keep reading because I want to know ...Yes. I would keep reading because I want to know why she hasn't slept.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10680930946666979702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25917120063231375992012-02-23T12:50:25.076-05:002012-02-23T12:50:25.076-05:00Yes, but only barely. I need a little more reason-...Yes, but only barely. I need a little more reason- hopefully in the next sentence.SMKraftynoreply@blogger.com