tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7902340018095604110..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: 12 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12334452354418096722010-01-15T19:59:07.471-05:002010-01-15T19:59:07.471-05:00I like this style. Upbeat (or uptempo) - even thou...I like this style. Upbeat (or uptempo) - even though the last line brings it down. Nice contrast. I'd read on.Sarah Laurensonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09252565450452195395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83432809153787521952010-01-14T11:56:26.214-05:002010-01-14T11:56:26.214-05:00I feel like I know more about the Mom than Presley...I feel like I know more about the Mom than Presley right now. I am intrigued, though, and would keep reading because of the last line. Good job!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6279107883004800772010-01-14T00:07:39.860-05:002010-01-14T00:07:39.860-05:00You have a great voice and I like the MC. I want t...You have a great voice and I like the MC. I want to read more.<br /><br />My suggestion would be to trim some of the third paragraph to get more why the music has to stop which I'm sure is waiting page 2.bfavhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164661338051897220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11575265369654145362010-01-13T17:44:06.384-05:002010-01-13T17:44:06.384-05:00Wow! I loved this. It’s really well written and fu...Wow! I loved this. It’s really well written and funny. I'm an Elvis fan too so can relate to the mother, but understand the embarrassment of the girl.<br /><br />Good luck with this. I would definitely read on.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03216407428320615449noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43035849092429823842010-01-13T15:45:59.809-05:002010-01-13T15:45:59.809-05:00This is great! I love the title, the voice is perf...This is great! I love the title, the voice is perfect and you've set up great potential for conflict. Nice job!Sherrie Petersenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11670339498152684137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19266720480440848592010-01-13T15:00:57.142-05:002010-01-13T15:00:57.142-05:00As soon as I saw the title I thought - Donny Osmon...As soon as I saw the title I thought - Donny Osmond. Different generation, I guess.<br /><br />Anyway, I thought the writing was good and you created a voice for your character and set a tone for the story. The Elvis bit went on too long for me. I wanted you to get to the point sooner.<br /><br />I can't say I'm hooked because I'm thinking I'm going to get a story about a girl who is embarrassed by her mother's Elvis obsession, and that just doesn't interest me, so for me, it's a matter of taste. If it's about something else, you may want to make that more evident sooner.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132182710265406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49968244584110175952010-01-13T12:30:21.049-05:002010-01-13T12:30:21.049-05:00Nice, strong voice. The Elvis details went on a li...Nice, strong voice. The Elvis details went on a little too long for me, but depending on what she tells her mom in the next paragraph, I'd keep reading.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26437983637685769022010-01-13T12:26:50.574-05:002010-01-13T12:26:50.574-05:00I really liked this. I didn't think it was ch...I really liked this. I didn't think it was choppy; it gave me the feeling of a younger person- talking in a steam of consciousness. I loved the whole Elvis angle, loving oldies and class rock. I liked that you didn't pick an extremely well known hit such as Jailhouse Rock or Hound Dog. I liked that you used that as the name of your story as well, tying us in right at the start. <br />I want more of this story!! <br /><br />I almost thought this was autobiographical of my niece! She bears the same first name, is upper MG to YA age, and her mom used to think Elvis never died, because you know the letter rearranged spell -lives.angela robbinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07114119913653244467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58445463652189779482010-01-13T12:17:41.401-05:002010-01-13T12:17:41.401-05:00I think this is very original and a little humorou...I think this is very original and a little humorous, but it feels a little bogged down in the third paragraph. Maybe omit one or two details--that can be added later in the manuscript.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30383107337566825522010-01-13T10:44:23.941-05:002010-01-13T10:44:23.941-05:00First: I love the title!
Second: I love the Elvis-...First: I love the title!<br />Second: I love the Elvis-as-my-mom's-obsession theme!<br /><br />The writing feels a little bumpy, choppy. I get that this is first person and a MG (upper? 12?) protag, but I'm not really feeling her voice. <br /><br />I get a little lost in the paragraph with all the details about her mom and the King. Nicely done with the specifics, but I would pare it down a little. <br /><br />Totally intrigued as to why the music has to stop, but that piece seems a little abrupt. <br /><br />Overall, very nice! Good luck!Susan Kaye Quinnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07348197999397141067noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33595254297896502882010-01-13T10:44:10.529-05:002010-01-13T10:44:10.529-05:00Strong voice, great details, nice character. I zip...Strong voice, great details, nice character. I zipped right through this and wanted more.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.com