tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7938762908461899129..comments2024-03-19T02:03:01.380-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #28Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49316154169191991942014-01-18T22:43:26.157-05:002014-01-18T22:43:26.157-05:00Hooked! The engaging voice and vivid descriptions ...Hooked! The engaging voice and vivid descriptions make it easy to fall right into this forest with Alice. I want to keep reading. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24927948595510765402014-01-18T11:32:39.180-05:002014-01-18T11:32:39.180-05:00Awesome! Great voice, great flow, great atmosphere...Awesome! Great voice, great flow, great atmosphere. I definitely want to keep reading.Melindahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17182951575531989338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41468062090559470362014-01-15T21:19:56.268-05:002014-01-15T21:19:56.268-05:00Try italicizing the word "stupid" in the...Try italicizing the word "stupid" in the second sentence. The descriptions in your second paragraph are very nicely done. I would like to see your characters' observations more and what her reaction might be like to them. Does the clammy atmosphere maker her depressed? <br />Nicely done. It left us all wondering what happens next and what their plan is!!Phillipnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33521354101356889122014-01-15T21:15:46.835-05:002014-01-15T21:15:46.835-05:00#28 I read this a few times in search of something...#28 I read this a few times in search of something to say beyond "I like this a lot," but I have found nothing.<br /><br />So. I like this a lot. The voice is fantastic, and the whole thing flows very smoothly. There's an interesting character in an interesting situation and enough details about the world to ground me. I want to know what exactly it is Alice is waiting for and why, but I trust that is coming in the next few pages (and would totally keep reading to find out).EllieLnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59637009513323157722014-01-15T14:21:12.506-05:002014-01-15T14:21:12.506-05:00This one has me hook, line and sinker! Love this i...This one has me hook, line and sinker! Love this intro and want to know more, indeed! My only nitpick would be to change: <br /><br />"This plan was stupid..." to "THE plan was stupid, but it worked."<br /><br />I have no idea what "retelling" is, but if this is representative of the genre, I like it!DJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14359760998871484565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57132707792110680392014-01-15T13:09:56.954-05:002014-01-15T13:09:56.954-05:00LOVE THIS.
Possibly an unholy amount.
I disagre...LOVE THIS. <br /><br />Possibly an unholy amount.<br /><br />I disagree about the "sharp scent" comment above, because if the "moss and water" are combined into one smell, then pluralizing isn't needed. Definitely a stylistic choice.<br /><br />The voice here is just incredible. I'm immediately hooked and not just wanting, but NEEDING more.Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26794307949479535362014-01-15T12:45:39.467-05:002014-01-15T12:45:39.467-05:00Honestly, I think this is great. It gives a really...Honestly, I think this is great. It gives a really good sense of the MC, the voice is engaging, and the scenario is interesting enough to make me want to keep reading.<br /><br />My suggestions are all pretty minor:<br />1. Comma between leaves and vines <br />2. "Sharp scent" in the third paragraph should be plural, since you're talking about moss and water.<br />3. I'm not sure "silencing the forest save the whispering wind" fits with the overall tone/voice of the opening. It sticks out.<br /><br />Overall, this is great.Lauranoreply@blogger.com