tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7948580102384016694..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Kiss #5Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86232071456181520312019-02-19T15:05:07.143-05:002019-02-19T15:05:07.143-05:00Katydid:
I loved the emotional impact and the buil...Katydid:<br />I loved the emotional impact and the build-up! The chemistry was great too! I would have liked a touch more of the MC's emotions at the end. How she felt about finally having this kiss.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89110794545142319812019-02-14T16:57:24.352-05:002019-02-14T16:57:24.352-05:00I think this turned out really well! I was a littl...I think this turned out really well! I was a little confused about the "thick rope of the curtain within me" as well, though. Curtains usually aren't ropes, and the analogy of opening the curtain to reveal your naked self comes off as a little...creepy. You might have her facade crumble, or her veil lift, or her mask come off to reveal her true self. Those would be less confusing and have the desired effect.Pen Namehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09623279455622246115noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13854110283270898602019-02-14T14:46:14.622-05:002019-02-14T14:46:14.622-05:00I really liked the tension in the scene. The kiss ...I really liked the tension in the scene. The kiss was both wanted and dreaded. The use of 'sanctuary' seemed a bit off to me, that's just an opinion. Nice work!jaybeenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50277176402071951132019-02-14T13:59:07.572-05:002019-02-14T13:59:07.572-05:00This definitely has me curious about their backsto...This definitely has me curious about their backstories. I'm not usually a big fan of the trope where someone is conveniently compelled to force someone they've been pining over, but this adds the twist that although she likes him, it's for that very reason she doesn't want to kiss him. At least that's the impression I'm getting.<br /><br />I would be careful with the metaphors in the latter half. Confetti, to me, doesn't seem like something capable of cloaking. And there was something about the phrasing of the "thick rope of the curtain within me" that didn't work for me. Just a personal preference, perhaps. You've got a lot of good potential here.<br /><br />Good luck!Matrilhttp://cynthiaailshie.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com