tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post7984717909295095368..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: May Secret Agent #39Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2266135185234504552015-05-21T22:25:12.823-04:002015-05-21T22:25:12.823-04:00This is well written, but I wonder if the first po...This is well written, but I wonder if the first portion is geared more towards an adult reader than a middle grade reader. Kids are familiar with fairy tales from TV and picture books, but they probably don't read The Brothers Grim or Hans Christian Anderson versions for fun, if they even know that's who wrote those stories. They'll be intrigued that this girl is a fairy tale creature, so start with that.Jennifer Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00151358290264027095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63188759740743491602015-05-21T13:01:13.480-04:002015-05-21T13:01:13.480-04:00I felt a little thrown into this story in the firs...I felt a little thrown into this story in the first part. Who are these characters, where are we, why should I care? There was no build up for me. I was much more intrigued by the second part, though you'll want to be careful with too much telling. I would recommend starting with the second part and working into the first part. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21156360737882164962015-05-21T12:30:04.918-04:002015-05-21T12:30:04.918-04:00I am a fan of this genre, but this felt a bit disj...I am a fan of this genre, but this felt a bit disjointed. I think the first and second parts could be combined and stay in the style of the first part. But I also think you need to be wary of overused terms like "cackled" and "gnarled." Also, just because she's "one of them," why would that mean she knows where to find them? And nothing I read in their conversation would lead to the conclusion that Cat is a "hard nut to crack," so it would be good to explain that as well. E. Passarelllinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18329474908334308072015-05-21T11:16:37.026-04:002015-05-21T11:16:37.026-04:00I agree. Stay with the first part and let it take ...I agree. Stay with the first part and let it take you forward.fictionwriternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68407758356003527262015-05-20T22:10:16.128-04:002015-05-20T22:10:16.128-04:00I agree with the first part being much stronger. I...I agree with the first part being much stronger. I'm not sure if it's the dialogue or the little old lady's voice is stronger, but I would have like to read more like the first section. Would it be possible to continue with that and not jump back. It may flow better that way. Thanks!Halli Gomezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09667712458691917486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82256309016942346032015-05-20T21:18:54.818-04:002015-05-20T21:18:54.818-04:00This is well written. But I was disappointed the f...This is well written. But I was disappointed the first part ended, as I was hooked and wanted to follow that scene further. The second part seemed to cut to a later time, with your MC looking back and reflecting on that earlier moment. To me, that makes the first part back story, which I find less interesting -- it's not about the action and conflict of -now-. If it continues in the vein of the second part, I think you risk losing readers you've just hooked. Even if the second part gets better, which it probably does, they might not turn that page. And you want them to turn that page!Nae_knoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19967917993038365582015-05-20T16:01:30.133-04:002015-05-20T16:01:30.133-04:00Hmmm. I like the writing although the two differen...Hmmm. I like the writing although the two different styles flummoxed me. Introduce the scene with the old lady or cut it. I can only *see* with your words and your character's eyes. I have no idea where, or when they are.Julie Butcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15055134290787317245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16714570712850353912015-05-20T12:36:28.647-04:002015-05-20T12:36:28.647-04:00Great hook! I love it as is, but I can't help ...Great hook! I love it as is, but I can't help but wonder if it would be improved if the order was switched. <br /><br />What if you start with- They say, "Be careful what you wish for..." and then after "all I could think about was being somebody else" slip into telling us about how she found out she was somebody else.<br /><br />I'm kind of curious about where she was and how she came upon the old lady. Good Luck!Tera Hertzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01732290405573279064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56926252791023346152015-05-20T11:44:19.395-04:002015-05-20T11:44:19.395-04:00My mind automatically went to Artemis Fowl.
I lik...My mind automatically went to Artemis Fowl.<br /><br />I like the reveal - that she is one of them. I would keep reading. <br /><br />"Little old lady" is such a common phrase that you may want to spice it up by trying to find other words to describe her. Let your reader know that you will not be using cliches - that your story will be new and inventive.S.D.Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05707682524268581476noreply@blogger.com