tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8006555459551171269..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Kiss #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91538064835718685282017-06-01T12:32:26.618-04:002017-06-01T12:32:26.618-04:00Thank you for the comments! I will certainly keep ...Thank you for the comments! I will certainly keep all of these in mind as I edit. :-)cbazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11993025495179743601noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59346357898016052642017-05-31T06:42:26.761-04:002017-05-31T06:42:26.761-04:00There is good energy in this scene. I like the wa...There is good energy in this scene. I like the way you describe the conflict, she knows she shouldn’t do it but it’s too late to back out. I was confused about “she hated him for making her do this.” Is that referring to her boyfriend or Alex? It’s really good description, I can visualize the scene.<br />Kirstenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17615706786848610850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47083598624756707102017-05-30T17:42:35.510-04:002017-05-30T17:42:35.510-04:00This was a fun scene/ kiss to read. You give the s...This was a fun scene/ kiss to read. You give the sense that neither one of the characters are in this for a relationship, but there is a lot of heat and attraction there. I agree with what both Cyndi and Shayla had to say about wording. Otherwise, well written and fun to read. Kate Vnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32146218724406630632017-05-30T17:11:07.723-04:002017-05-30T17:11:07.723-04:00I really like this. My critique is about the quali...I really like this. My critique is about the qualifiers:<br />Surprisingly, her heart slowed- it feels more powerful for me as a reader if her heart slowed and her mind raced. And I know I'm only this picky because it's a few sentences- but the writer uses the word tingle 2x and may want to consider a different way of saying that. <br /><br />I'm totally on board and glad she kissed him.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22007163572518817542017-05-30T16:51:35.401-04:002017-05-30T16:51:35.401-04:00Overall, well done. I got the sense that love was ...Overall, well done. I got the sense that love was not her motivation. It will be interesting to see if something real does develop between them.<br /><br />Just a couple things for me. The phrase "His face read mixture of seduction and surprise" through me off. It made me try to imagine what a face would look like with those two emotions, so it took me out of the story. <br /><br />The other line that took me out of the story was "God, he tasted good. Like warm cinnamon and honey." A persons mouth does not naturally taste like that. My thought was what had he just eaten? Maybe they work at Cinnabon or he had eaten a breath mint before hand.Cyndi Chiehttp://www.justnorthofreality.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49142645866300906832017-05-30T16:01:09.100-04:002017-05-30T16:01:09.100-04:00WOW! Brilliant from start to steamy finish!WOW! Brilliant from start to steamy finish!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07547808563516206931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59732234704592090922017-05-30T15:28:45.559-04:002017-05-30T15:28:45.559-04:00I had similar gripes about this as Shayla. The wor...I had similar gripes about this as Shayla. The word seduction for him tripped me up, because it seemed way more like she was seducing him. Other than that, this was a very well-written kiss. Thanks for sharing!Justinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16756923858292778016noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27630640839445227312017-05-30T15:06:59.222-04:002017-05-30T15:06:59.222-04:00I reallly like this! Especially the kiss itself ma...I reallly like this! Especially the kiss itself masterfully written. A few gripes would just be "his face read mixture of seduction and surprise" you're missing "a" there and I don't love the description of using "seduction" it doesn't feel like he's seducing her so it's strange but admittedly it could of course make more sense in the scene as a whole. Lastly "but she was like a train running full steam down a mountain" that description pulled me out a little. Maybe just "down the track" instead of mountain?<br />But I really loved this overall!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14064952095634170692noreply@blogger.com