tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8047944713705103995..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Grab My Heart #16Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70717835720765959982018-07-20T15:45:35.797-04:002018-07-20T15:45:35.797-04:00This is a really interesting concept. I've see...This is a really interesting concept. I've seen lots of stories with dragons in them, even ones with dragons that can speak, but this is the first time I've seen a story entirely from the dragons' perspective. So points for originality there.<br /><br />I'm not clear on how Wingfinger is a misfit, though I'm getting the sense he's a book worm and that's not really the popular thing to be. I'd love to see more of his voice come out in the text.<br /><br />A note about this line: "EW! Smells like rotten gryphon eggs." Either put it in past tense or italics if it's quoting his thoughts.<br /><br />Best of luck with this!Katrina S. Foresthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00782678919561852444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59089455431395401472018-07-18T16:46:27.671-04:002018-07-18T16:46:27.671-04:00Your pitch is nice, but it's more of a lesson ...Your pitch is nice, but it's more of a lesson or summary than a pitch. What is the conflict for your MC, what does he have to do to get that something, and what happens if he doesn't? Why doesn't your dragon believe in himself?<br />Your writing is good, and this certainly sounds like a children's story, so well done, but maybe start with him noticing what's around him instead of the smell? Just a thought... Good luck!Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03709765480911390955noreply@blogger.com