tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8080160366495950355..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: #34 YA Urban Fantasy: WAYWARD (BAKER'S DOZEN AGENT AUCTION)Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger37125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36330120899053244182010-12-11T17:56:50.976-05:002010-12-11T17:56:50.976-05:00Is this set in Boston? I like the reference to Sou...Is this set in Boston? I like the reference to Southies. But it gets confused with "South-side," which is a Chicago reference (at least, I'm pretty *sure* I've never heard Southies referred to as South-siders, given that Southie refers to South Boston). Close distinction, but for those who come from either city, an important one.<br /><br />Other than that, I like the voice, good moving the plot forward and character establishment. Like the unique start of a motorcycle race (though it's a little confusing at first, because it's not clear that it's motorcycles as opposed to cars until several paragraphs in). <br /><br />But in general, I'm hooked enough. I'd be looking for strong worldbuilding right up front, which seems to be happening with the smell of magic.<br /><br />One thing: the name Hex Wayward is a little too over the top.Stacy Whitmanhttp://www.stacylwhitman.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60859149039311548292010-12-07T19:08:07.577-05:002010-12-07T19:08:07.577-05:00Knew it! And I was the first to say so!
My rewar...Knew it! And I was the first to say so!<br /><br />My reward? (other than a signed first-edition copy... : ) I suggest you check out my blog, people seem to like it : )Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49006271788427213832010-12-07T15:01:26.138-05:002010-12-07T15:01:26.138-05:00Yay!!Yay!!Ashley Girardihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13594552975218426095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20202042553470767162010-12-07T14:31:18.953-05:002010-12-07T14:31:18.953-05:00This entry really struck me. Great voice, great li...This entry really struck me. Great voice, great lines. I especially loved "...all spit and spare parts..." and "The scent of magic."<br /><br />This one is definitely a winner.roh morgonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06823641709307631626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17746619894990894112010-12-07T14:12:44.814-05:002010-12-07T14:12:44.814-05:00Woo hoo!Woo hoo!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03091297843132196024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18511236182727501652010-12-07T12:31:53.121-05:002010-12-07T12:31:53.121-05:00Oh yay! I loved this one. I read it before in a pr...Oh yay! I loved this one. I read it before in a previous contest and was hooked; the new revision is obviously a winner!<br /><br />My favorite line: The scent of magic.DJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14359760998871484565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8634084003474136872010-12-07T11:50:44.005-05:002010-12-07T11:50:44.005-05:00Congrats to you!!Congrats to you!!Mbkaleynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62153962547472835692010-12-07T11:45:56.756-05:002010-12-07T11:45:56.756-05:00BIDDING FOR THIS ITEM IS NOW CLOSED!BIDDING FOR THIS ITEM IS NOW CLOSED!Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7126301719426487942010-12-07T11:45:08.947-05:002010-12-07T11:45:08.947-05:00Full!!!
JoshFull!!!<br />JoshUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03091297843132196024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60846943910486503452010-12-07T11:39:36.971-05:002010-12-07T11:39:36.971-05:00100!
Danielle Chiotti, Upstart Crow Lit100!<br />Danielle Chiotti, Upstart Crow LitDanielle Chiottinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15594666320301135102010-12-07T11:32:42.803-05:002010-12-07T11:32:42.803-05:0075!!
JG75!!<br /><br />JGUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03091297843132196024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57974126054500975852010-12-07T11:29:41.184-05:002010-12-07T11:29:41.184-05:0060!
Kate McKean
Howard Morhaim Literary Agency60!<br />Kate McKean<br />Howard Morhaim Literary AgencyUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00657590686078481465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73061058579815957452010-12-07T11:19:58.982-05:002010-12-07T11:19:58.982-05:0050!
Josh50!<br />JoshUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03091297843132196024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36518058806061464212010-12-07T10:59:46.250-05:002010-12-07T10:59:46.250-05:0045 pages!
Danielle Chiotti, Upstart Crow Lit45 pages!<br />Danielle Chiotti, Upstart Crow LitDanielle Chiottinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41172189607095031072010-12-07T10:53:37.562-05:002010-12-07T10:53:37.562-05:0035
Josh35<br />JoshUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03091297843132196024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30087129549923591672010-12-07T10:41:14.235-05:002010-12-07T10:41:14.235-05:00I bid 30.
Kate McKean
Howard Morhaim Literary Agen...I bid 30.<br />Kate McKean<br />Howard Morhaim Literary AgencyUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00657590686078481465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43965421264162596222010-12-07T10:26:40.864-05:002010-12-07T10:26:40.864-05:00I bid 20.
Josh Getzler, Russell & VolkeningI bid 20.<br />Josh Getzler, Russell & VolkeningUnknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03091297843132196024noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90543022710186414012010-12-07T09:37:41.709-05:002010-12-07T09:37:41.709-05:00I bid 10 pages.
- Sarah LaPolla, Curtis Brown, Ltd...I bid 10 pages.<br />- Sarah LaPolla, Curtis Brown, Ltd.Sarah LaPollahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14266812619209867411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41556328708481535452010-12-05T22:19:03.986-05:002010-12-05T22:19:03.986-05:00Absolutely love Hex. She's a fun, strong chara...Absolutely love Hex. She's a fun, strong character. Great writing. I'd read on.<br /><br />FYI, since you say 'human boy' in the logline, I'm assuming witches aren't human. Which is fine, but it does go against the idea of witches being humans with special abilities or a different belief system.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40209402260083582622010-12-05T16:52:51.794-05:002010-12-05T16:52:51.794-05:00Great opening 250 words. Brilliant voice.
"...Great opening 250 words. Brilliant voice. <br /><br />"Without warning, a stench overwhelmed my senses, strong and acrid, so hot that it seared the hair from my nostrils." Wow - that is so non-girl-ish. Then again, she's a gear-head, right?<br /><br />As for the log line, it's missing something. How and why is her power hungry family threating the boy she likes? How will she keep him safe - what must she do? What happens if she doesn't? <br /><br />Maybe consider bringing the in-your-face voice from the story into the log line to give us a stronger sense of what might happen.Jayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01686142500678187823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87669463648994428482010-12-05T15:20:39.147-05:002010-12-05T15:20:39.147-05:00Logline:
I think you could up the stakes a bit mor...Logline:<br />I think you could up the stakes a bit more here--what is the anything she's willing to do?<br /><br />Line comments:<br />-If she won $200, why would they mock her? Unless she didn't really win it off of them specifically?<br />-Nice last line!<br /><br />Overall:<br />Well done!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58116709574983708062010-12-05T14:50:26.745-05:002010-12-05T14:50:26.745-05:00I like this. The last line leaves me wanting more!...I like this. The last line leaves me wanting more!Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17762631634574599325noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42092642700588769952010-12-05T14:45:04.875-05:002010-12-05T14:45:04.875-05:00Nice setup. I get a sense of Hex's personality...Nice setup. I get a sense of Hex's personality from the get-go. Does she use magic or her own skills to beat these boys at bike ricing? I agree with others about tagline. Would love to know why family is powerful and what drives them.Durango Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14854000354374970070noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57907335866600265282010-12-05T11:23:48.493-05:002010-12-05T11:23:48.493-05:00I was a bit confused at first because somehow I th...I was a bit confused at first because somehow I thought she was in a car. Maybe you should write "...from the engine of my bike" to make it clear from the beginning. After I figured out that it was a bike race, I was hooked. Great writing. The best I've seen so far (and I'm working my way up).Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42271870592050698012010-12-05T11:19:49.494-05:002010-12-05T11:19:49.494-05:00Nice job with the voice, and great descriptions. ...Nice job with the voice, and great descriptions. I agree with Erin - the first sentence was good, but the second broke the flow. I would work it in as the third or fourth sentence. Maybe 'I could take them easy, even though my baby was a...' And being as how I love all things magic, this part wasn't abrupt to me at all like others mentioned. You do a great job of opening with action, a pinch of back story and an excellent feel for the MC.alexiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07122487552931794871noreply@blogger.com