tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8096707204208345855..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 18 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84806568091921003192009-07-18T22:32:33.506-04:002009-07-18T22:32:33.506-04:00My first thought was that if you were changing the...My first thought was that if you were changing the baby by brining her to America - aren't you changing her older sister by bringing her to China?<br /><br />I liked the writing and the subject matter - I'm a mom, and stories about moms interest me - but I'd be looking for you to speak to the issue of her older sister, unless she, too, is Chinese.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05653469892105848809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27843482806130984032009-07-17T14:55:25.842-04:002009-07-17T14:55:25.842-04:00I loved the title.
I loved the first line. (So ...I loved the title. <br /><br />I loved the first line. (So much, that I'm going to look up this Zhang person.)<br /><br />I loved the whole thing, and I never read stuff like this.<br /><br />The only thing -- there is no connection to your first line, until the last line, and that's too far apart. I'd take the advice of Kathleen MacIver in her second comment. Her suggestion works wonderfully.Barbnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78121573521043622772009-07-17T11:53:43.564-04:002009-07-17T11:53:43.564-04:00I love the title!
I am personally not particular...I love the title! <br /><br />I am personally not particularly drawn to the subject matter, but that is no fault of the author. <br /><br />I would warn that we see lots of memoirs about my time spent teaching in China/Japan/Korea and even with the adopted daughter angle you will have to work a little harder than most to make your submission stand out. In particular, think PLATFORM.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38613166837060843902009-07-17T06:28:27.860-04:002009-07-17T06:28:27.860-04:00Hmmm... I think the wording could be a bit differe...Hmmm... I think the wording could be a bit different. I felt that there were too many details. Maybe you could start with a bit of drama, say on board the plane? That would hook me a bit better.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90182958887422360392009-07-16T19:11:10.732-04:002009-07-16T19:11:10.732-04:00I really like this and where it appears to be goin...I really like this and where it appears to be going. I'm definitely hooked. <br /><br />With that said, I think I'd set the Zhang Ailing apart and use the exact quote, then start your story about the adoption and your knowledge that with all her good intentions you knew you were changing this little life forever. <br /><br />Maybe even opening with your last sentence -- "I had come to China looking for a lost life." Then delve into the sense of change the adoption brought to your daughter. <br /><br />something to consider, anyway.<br /><br />I'll be waiting for this book to come out.Being Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17257332079795227626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37388961451876045722009-07-16T16:48:23.710-04:002009-07-16T16:48:23.710-04:00Non-fiction is not really my thing, so I'll ju...Non-fiction is not really my thing, so I'll just say - Good Luck!Sarah Erberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15364100717989701019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90707280361898699632009-07-16T14:18:56.598-04:002009-07-16T14:18:56.598-04:00I'm hooked. I love the title, the opening quo...I'm hooked. I love the title, the opening quote, the last paragraph. The second para feels a little less live, but it does give important info and didn't stop me.Joannanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69457085043172963052009-07-15T20:27:59.165-04:002009-07-15T20:27:59.165-04:00I like it. I like the first line, and I like the ...I like it. I like the first line, and I like the parallel of the lost life. I would definitely read more. <br /><br />I'm already wondering what the story is about - the mother, the little girl. I'm also wondering how old the kids are, what the husband will do in China, etc. etc. <br /><br />Hooked!Kristine Asselinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18257286523945921891noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60271874827308850382009-07-15T17:31:58.146-04:002009-07-15T17:31:58.146-04:00I liked this. I'd definitely read more. I like...I liked this. I'd definitely read more. I like the questions you posed about identity and destiny.LaurieKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01786310691050442088noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23007924586952006862009-07-15T14:20:29.225-04:002009-07-15T14:20:29.225-04:00Not sure about this... I was distracted by the voi...Not sure about this... I was distracted by the voice... it didn't seem happy which I expected the story to be by the title...Gayle Hedringtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01771876679139737652noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54092789634216838422009-07-15T13:24:49.273-04:002009-07-15T13:24:49.273-04:00I like books about mothers because I am one - so I...I like books about mothers because I am one - so I would continue in the hopes of it being a tightly-knit, action-packed story that leads to organic self-discovery -- not a lot of bouncing around in the narrator's head -- if that makes sense.<br /><br />I would continue with high hopes!Amy Sue Nathanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13854920309673361956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86796470654837548682009-07-15T13:15:30.466-04:002009-07-15T13:15:30.466-04:00Looks bemusedly at the title***
And I'm menta...Looks bemusedly at the title***<br /><br />And I'm mentally rewording the proverb to 'every butterfly is a dead flower searching for her lost roots'. :) <br /><br />But that's just me. <br /><br />This piece - it hooks me, because I love books like this. Or I love reading about culture and people searching for their lost identities and such. I would definitely read on. <br /><br />That said - I think this could be tightened up a little bit, so it doesn't feel like so much crammed in at the front. You have plenty of time to show us everything. :]Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3701443513445893812009-07-15T12:07:35.006-04:002009-07-15T12:07:35.006-04:00I don't know if I was clear. I meant, cut OUT ...I don't know if I was clear. I meant, cut OUT from that sentence to the bottom. The result would be:<br /><br />The Chinese writer Zhang Ailing said that every butterfly is a dead flower flying back to look for her lost life.<br /><br />Perhaps that explains why I now found myself arriving in China, with a husband, three children, nineteen pieces of luggage, and a contract to teach at a local university. You see, I came to China to look for the life my adopted daughter had lost.Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02263212018219137277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35908478177614255242009-07-15T12:05:40.376-04:002009-07-15T12:05:40.376-04:00It's a bit rambling, and I don't care for ...It's a bit rambling, and I don't care for the backstory explanation that starts with "Three years before." I'd cut from that sentence down to the very last, and change the last sentence to: "The truth was, I had to come to China to look for the life my adopted daughter had lost." Bam! That's intriguing and makes us start to want all that information you cut...information that should be dribbled in, in small bits, so we're constantly wanting more.Kathleen MacIverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02263212018219137277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83120825467230872842009-07-15T11:53:40.593-04:002009-07-15T11:53:40.593-04:00Love the concept, love the first line, not so sure...Love the concept, love the first line, not so sure about the next paragraph. It combines and - for me - confuses two separate matters. Would it work better if the first sentence of para 2 was hoiked up to para 1? <br /><br />I'd definitely want to read more but I agree this needs some tightening.sanrikunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87041984848839494412009-07-15T10:37:04.555-04:002009-07-15T10:37:04.555-04:00I'm intrigued and would read on!!I'm intrigued and would read on!!bookwormnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7579282137061578482009-07-15T10:35:59.255-04:002009-07-15T10:35:59.255-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Christina Leehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01799776834213400246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25273380198436594292009-07-15T10:30:33.469-04:002009-07-15T10:30:33.469-04:00I enjoyed this. It could use a bit of tightening, ...I enjoyed this. It could use a bit of tightening, but it flowed well. You have a nice voice. I like the concept and would definitely read on.Just Menoreply@blogger.com