tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post814455013211840543..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Young Adult #5Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-66827444660776880222016-12-15T09:09:02.439-05:002016-12-15T09:09:02.439-05:00Fantastic advice. Thank you so much! I do sort of ...Fantastic advice. Thank you so much! I do sort of see this from the movie perspective where the action freezes as she's thinking this. The next paragraph picks hits "play" again. I'll see what I can do to add in more urgency, though. Thanks! <3Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09515020101585941634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89474174789436385242016-12-15T08:10:24.937-05:002016-12-15T08:10:24.937-05:00Definitely well written and I would read on. One ...Definitely well written and I would read on. One problem I did have was the pace kind of seemed off, like very philosophical and leisurely for someone trying to duck away with a stolen loaf of bread. When she says her pursuers were gaining on her, it just felt like there was no urgency at all, like she strolling along reflecting on the difficulties of being a street rat. But it would all depend on what happens next!AMYnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20278437886279055902016-12-14T21:28:20.447-05:002016-12-14T21:28:20.447-05:00This is gorgeous and well paced! I like the moment...This is gorgeous and well paced! I like the moment where you pivot to her holding the treasure. Surprising in a good way :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01153871951106578266noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80171819511564822402016-12-14T19:33:56.757-05:002016-12-14T19:33:56.757-05:00I love your opening paragraph. You have a pretty w...I love your opening paragraph. You have a pretty writing style.<br /><br />I got a tiny bit tripped up over this sentence:<br /><br />It’s between each breath it’s easy to do the things I’m least proud of.<br /><br />I think maybe you're missing a word. It feels off as it is.<br /><br />Other than that, great!AshlynWritnghttp://twitter.com/ashlynwritingnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90595024679507084382016-12-14T16:52:45.887-05:002016-12-14T16:52:45.887-05:00You're clearly a wordsmith. This page drew me ...You're clearly a wordsmith. This page drew me in and made it easy to keep reading. That said, I agree with andrea that a few setting details wouldn't go amiss. This whole first page essentially takes place on a blank stage, and I wanted to start being drawn into your world.<br /><br />Also, while I liked the mix of shorter and longer paragraphs, I thought you overused the device. If three things are set up to stand out in such a compressed space, none of them really will.<br /><br />Good luck to you and ONE THOUSAND STARS THAT BIND!Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29243769176701709362016-12-14T14:25:41.770-05:002016-12-14T14:25:41.770-05:00Really engaging. Well done ! I want to read on...Really engaging. Well done ! I want to read on...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10926861703360182829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46259388090916124742016-12-14T12:42:27.258-05:002016-12-14T12:42:27.258-05:00Thank you so much for the feedback! The very next ...Thank you so much for the feedback! The very next paragraph gets into setting descriptions so it was just too long to include in this snippet. But I'll definitely take your comments to heart and see what I can do :) Thanks!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09515020101585941634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62652089058345523122016-12-14T12:30:23.632-05:002016-12-14T12:30:23.632-05:00Wow - I am totally hooked! I love the immediacy th...Wow - I am totally hooked! I love the immediacy that you create with the mix of longer, detail-filled paragraphs, and the shorter, more sentences that betray Alina's doubts. I also feel like I have a good sense of who Alina is as a character. The tone is great! One thing I don't have a good sense of yet is setting, so some quick descriptions might help.andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04837696461295463789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42647306605064218922016-12-14T10:30:06.693-05:002016-12-14T10:30:06.693-05:00Gorgeous words! Great set up! Gorgeous words! Great set up! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14326504782862856078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10785390298991863012016-12-14T10:27:53.560-05:002016-12-14T10:27:53.560-05:00<3 totally hooked!<3 totally hooked! Sydney Paige Photographyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00311296038933965078noreply@blogger.com