tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8269901058170777613..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #33Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17833765585404407562012-03-09T23:01:45.214-05:002012-03-09T23:01:45.214-05:00From the author: Thanks for your feedback, everyon...From the author: Thanks for your feedback, everyone, it's tremendously helpful. This opening has been a tug of war between one group of critics saying there's not enough description (so I add more), and then the next group saying there's too much (so I take some out)...Now I realize that I'm relying too much on description to reveal the character. Alex is the antagonist, so I wanted him to be enigmatic in the opening. But that won't work because it's in his POV, and the reader wants to know immediately what's at stake for him. It's a simple fix now that I know what the problem is.<br /><br />Good tip also about replacing "his" with "the" to get rid of some pronouns.Andrea Wengerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17614778745975148084noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35212336781127257752012-03-09T15:39:23.416-05:002012-03-09T15:39:23.416-05:00Form rejection. For me, there's too much focus...Form rejection. For me, there's too much focus on the descriptions and the sentence structure gets repetitive. The time spent on describing him, I believe, could be better used to show us what he's nervous about and where he's come from where he's got all those expensive accessories.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53540323030502574572012-03-08T21:16:27.513-05:002012-03-08T21:16:27.513-05:00The writing is good, but it's bogged down with...The writing is good, but it's bogged down with too much description. Pare down just a bit, and then I think you have it.Lanettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09987748870291077638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30664134308966670272012-03-08T19:18:39.078-05:002012-03-08T19:18:39.078-05:00NOt quite hooked. Although women's fiction is ...NOt quite hooked. Although women's fiction is a category I don't read a lot in, I'm especially thrown off by the male MC in a book labeled as such. There were nice touches here and there: the wedding band, though he's divorced, solid description of the setting that relates back to the character. You get a good feel for him in that first paragraph. I'd read more just to find out what someone with so much money was doing at a public defender, but the bump in with the sister of the ex makes me wary.Kelly Metzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16393486174448300525noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46059932723090398182012-03-07T20:42:46.689-05:002012-03-07T20:42:46.689-05:00Almost hooked, I'd like to read more but I'...Almost hooked, I'd like to read more but I'm not jumping in all the way. Very nice writing. I found the physical descriptions a bit heavy, but this may be standard for the genre.<br /><br />Keep writing!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9728634116618310212012-03-07T18:21:36.225-05:002012-03-07T18:21:36.225-05:00I liked the small touch of the wedding band catchi...I liked the small touch of the wedding band catching the light which is made meaningful by the introduction of Karina where we learn for the first time that he has an ex-wife - yet still wears a wedding band. Very nice. I want to know more like what are the circumstances causing him to reclaim his life at this point. But, I can wait as long as they are soon to follow. I will focus on the scene to make an observation of setting...in the first line he walks into an "office" yet that cannot be since in paragraph 2 - he has gotten on an elevator....so it would seem he is in a building and not yet reached an office at that point. Very good writing with the promise of an interesting story to come that would make me read more.Happy Dolphinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52884081421001042132012-03-07T17:30:30.923-05:002012-03-07T17:30:30.923-05:00I liked this and would read more.
Try editing out...I liked this and would read more.<br /><br />Try editing out some of your pronouns though. There are lots of he/his. Try cutting some of them or substituting 'the' in some cases.<br /><br />Good luck :)Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52295093281531301942012-03-07T13:50:34.742-05:002012-03-07T13:50:34.742-05:00Hooked. I like the opening and pace. It doesn'...Hooked. I like the opening and pace. It doesn't bother me that the protag is a man. I would keep reading.Terah Harrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07789239755698142062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86658844918446078722012-03-07T11:48:21.573-05:002012-03-07T11:48:21.573-05:00I like the opening. The writing and pacing are gre...I like the opening. The writing and pacing are great.<br /><br />I'm confused about the genre. It's stated as Women's Fiction but has a male MC? I think the idea of women's fiction is to have a female MC. Is it a romance? I'd be curious what secret agent says about it.<br /><br />Great opening and I'd keep reading but I do wonder about the genre. The writing is really stellar.<br /><br />Good luck with it.AKFnoreply@blogger.com