tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8315711391013767..comments2024-03-29T03:41:44.480-04:00Comments on Authoress: Logline Critique Round Three #24Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14328790130151888312012-10-17T10:23:02.656-04:002012-10-17T10:23:02.656-04:00This might work for a query but it's not a log...This might work for a query but it's not a logline.<br /><br />HollyHolly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58447339550745914482012-10-16T21:56:53.525-04:002012-10-16T21:56:53.525-04:00I LOVE zombies and have my own humorous zombie boo...I LOVE zombies and have my own humorous zombie book I am querying right now (it's MG). I agree to cut the emergency kit information line. Maybe add in the age of Charlie? Also, I'd cut the "just." Good luck! Kathleeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06087009456072956020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12322832480770284632012-10-16T15:26:59.160-04:002012-10-16T15:26:59.160-04:00I think if you just cut "emergency kit inform...I think if you just cut "emergency kit information" you'd be right on the money.A. M. Perkinsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23912850205747612652012-10-16T13:52:10.140-04:002012-10-16T13:52:10.140-04:00This is great! I'm not at all interested in z...This is great! I'm not at all interested in zombies, but this sounds like fun!Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15599185625319696412012-10-16T12:41:03.907-04:002012-10-16T12:41:03.907-04:00I totally agree--I am not at all interested in zom...I totally agree--I am not at all interested in zombies but you got me. Great. Fwiw, I do think you could tighten the second sentence. Which might give you a few words to play with to give us just a hair more info about Charlie in the last sentence... Robyn Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01419207395478885010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29786405051829571802012-10-16T11:28:50.274-04:002012-10-16T11:28:50.274-04:00Like Amelia, I'm not a zombie fan, but I love ...Like Amelia, I'm not a zombie fan, but I love the voice! Very Douglas Adams.Dayspringnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70889593563290565172012-10-16T11:28:43.280-04:002012-10-16T11:28:43.280-04:00I really liked this! I'm also not much for Zom...I really liked this! I'm also not much for Zombies, but I would like to read this!<br /><br />Good luck!Stephanie Garberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05418429225626297957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9092108382471360712012-10-16T11:06:03.646-04:002012-10-16T11:06:03.646-04:00Ha! Great hook, excellent voice and timing. Love t...Ha! Great hook, excellent voice and timing. Love the last line. Sarah Floydhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11202671048418865629noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62781404564283399412012-10-16T10:47:17.221-04:002012-10-16T10:47:17.221-04:00I'm not a big zombie fan. But this made me lau...I'm not a big zombie fan. But this made me laugh. I'm hooked. Nice blend of humor and info.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14324491231695823916noreply@blogger.com