tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8439865042808886307..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? #3Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22904494111725200742017-08-06T18:38:36.969-04:002017-08-06T18:38:36.969-04:00I am intrigued..no, I am HOOKED. I really like th...I am intrigued..no, I am HOOKED. I really like this. I can't wait to read more about James and why he is hiding. AMYnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17118541971161352212017-08-02T14:58:42.441-04:002017-08-02T14:58:42.441-04:00I was hooked. The lovely, lyrical writing shows me...I was hooked. The lovely, lyrical writing shows me what the day should be, and I'd definitely read on to find out why it's totally different. What happened to the ferry? Has James been fired or was he responsible for what happened? <br /><br />Though it's not a typical opening, you've created a mystery in a very gentle way, and given me enough to make me want to read on for the answers.Gifford MacShanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15578566471446994845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12492517358134045482017-08-01T18:25:38.236-04:002017-08-01T18:25:38.236-04:00Nice writing, but I'm not hooked yet. There ar...Nice writing, but I'm not hooked yet. There are some fine descriptive elements in the opening, but as others have mentioned...move us along a little faster. Did something happen to the ferry?GeeWizhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06941244713771870949noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-23385085491649875912017-08-01T14:51:02.345-04:002017-08-01T14:51:02.345-04:00The opening parg is intriguing. I'm wondering ...The opening parg is intriguing. I'm wondering why he's hiding, and from who, and why the ferry isn't there.<br /><br />But then the rest is all about what he 'would' be doing, and I don't care about what he would be doing. I want to know what he 'is' doing, and why.<br /><br />Perhaps cut those two last pargs, and just get on with the story. What is happening now? Now is where we are. Now is what we care about. A general rule of thumb is to never put back story in chapter one, and certainly never on the first page. Get your reader involved in the story.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46991506631702316482017-08-01T14:38:24.998-04:002017-08-01T14:38:24.998-04:00You paint a lovely, descriptive picture of the har...You paint a lovely, descriptive picture of the harbor, of the boat and all the surroundings, but there were no hints of why James is hiding, no tidbits or IM to give us insight into what is going on. I think you need to add something to hook the reader, a clue as to why he isn't steering the boat into the harbor. Susannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-57519476006380237272017-08-01T12:43:53.288-04:002017-08-01T12:43:53.288-04:00I love the beautiful description of James' typ...I love the beautiful description of James' typical morning, but I was hoping for a hint more as to why he's hiding. I think that would draw me in more. I did enjoy the picture you paint of where he is sitting and the familiarity he has with his normal morning commute.EM Bridgesnoreply@blogger.com