tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8466830308133690585..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: 20 Secret AgentAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67371355813367141652009-09-12T00:03:36.383-04:002009-09-12T00:03:36.383-04:00I thought there was too much telling and backstory...I thought there was too much telling and backstory for a novel, so I wasn't hooked.Bronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13029635239132926178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80123785983836346642009-09-11T16:40:02.991-04:002009-09-11T16:40:02.991-04:00This is something where you either love the voice,...This is something where you either love the voice, or you don't. I don't, and that's just my own taste. So I would not keep reading, but I could see other agents disagreeing.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6246301246380361632009-09-11T15:14:34.058-04:002009-09-11T15:14:34.058-04:00I like the voice, but I would like to see a hint o...I like the voice, but I would like to see a hint of what action occurs to move the MC out of the current situation.<br /><br />Not hooked, unfortunately.pj schnyderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06770556738469006567noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74142471744324131522009-09-10T13:20:44.142-04:002009-09-10T13:20:44.142-04:00I like the writing, but this is 250 words of backs...I like the writing, but this is 250 words of backstory. I need something to happen in order to be hooked.Holly Bodgerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08218140291198124199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60785996138981633982009-09-10T00:08:13.497-04:002009-09-10T00:08:13.497-04:00Not hooked I'm afraid. Too much backstory righ...Not hooked I'm afraid. Too much backstory right up front. I'd weave it in throughout and start with a moment in the characters' life that is life changing.Christina Farleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03459203755170266842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69048891562488343802009-09-09T21:48:53.823-04:002009-09-09T21:48:53.823-04:00Not hooked. Too much telling.Not hooked. Too much telling.Sara J. Henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16145626175256433448noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13052019212572383382009-09-09T21:16:47.909-04:002009-09-09T21:16:47.909-04:00Not hooked--which is a shame because the voice and...Not hooked--which is a shame because the voice and writing is great.<br /><br />Hook me with a scene and then spoon feed me this same backstory and I'd be yours.<br /><br />I have no idea what the time period is.Trish Esdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049667128434033805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1319106151991056432009-09-09T21:12:18.052-04:002009-09-09T21:12:18.052-04:00Ok, so I actually did like the way you were writin...Ok, so I actually did like the way you were writing, but I also don't feel like I know the main character, so I can't really have many emotions about him or what he's going through. Try opening it up with something less dull-sounding, and I'm sure that I'd be into it. Right now, I would probably read a couple more pages to see if the rest was worth my while, and I know how hard opening things up can be. Overall, not to shabby. <br />Good Luck! = )Kendall Shawnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41707936636939317522009-09-09T20:17:49.546-04:002009-09-09T20:17:49.546-04:00Not hooked. I don't feel connected with the MC...Not hooked. I don't feel connected with the MC yet.Devon Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09027204772256727589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60519194069841749632009-09-09T20:15:38.860-04:002009-09-09T20:15:38.860-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Devon Ashleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09027204772256727589noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70380763073273581162009-09-09T19:18:01.191-04:002009-09-09T19:18:01.191-04:00The voice intrigues me. I would keep reading for a...The voice intrigues me. I would keep reading for another few pages, hoping to see a) some more action and b) more showing.<br /><br />Hooked enough.Weronika Janczukhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02578288655500573458noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81919062684074755882009-09-09T14:59:04.769-04:002009-09-09T14:59:04.769-04:00There were two logic pieces that didn't fit fo...There were two logic pieces that didn't fit for me: one, as the other posters noted, that an Irish orphan from the slums goes to a boarding school. The other is that he has these memories of his parents as patriots and persuaders when he lost them at such an early age.<br /><br />I wasn't hooked.Amynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62946885312378169882009-09-09T14:55:01.967-04:002009-09-09T14:55:01.967-04:00I agree with Francesca about where to start this -...I agree with Francesca about where to start this - with the moment he either decides to run away, or the moment he actually does. Fill in the back story later. We'll care then, once we're attached to your MC.<br /><br />And my first thought about the piece was similar to Sheila's. He's from the slums. How does he get to an English boarding school?<br /><br />Sorry. Not hooked.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132182710265406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88610715937784237412009-09-09T12:20:36.378-04:002009-09-09T12:20:36.378-04:00As a Brit I'd say I'd never heard of anyon...As a Brit I'd say I'd never heard of anyone talking about Nor'Ireland. Anyway I agree with everyone really - it's like a boring old man telling you his life story. Even if it were more active and descriptive I still think Irish misery lit has been done to death.Keren Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13121027210783177857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5127995696519823802009-09-09T11:51:03.963-04:002009-09-09T11:51:03.963-04:00Irish characters talking in the first person are S...Irish characters talking in the first person are SUCH a minefield. For better or worse, suddenly they're jigging down a country lane in green coat-tails with a saucy wink and a b'gosh and a begorrah (and I say this as the daughter of an Irish born mother). I swear, even my mother's cousins are caricatures of themselves.<br /><br />I wonder how this would work in the third person -- if it would help rid the story of sentimentality and leave more of the core behind.<br /><br />But as things are, there's no story yet. Not enough reason to care. People being harshly treated only truly elicit our sympathy once we know them.<br /><br />Where does the story really start? Is he about to run away? Could you start there and fill the rest in later? Put us in the present, in the action.Francescahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07892273762273248682noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54877499473291540092009-09-09T11:26:56.022-04:002009-09-09T11:26:56.022-04:00Somewhat hooked. Maybe you could pare down all of...Somewhat hooked. Maybe you could pare down all of the backstory and the amount of abuse that he's enduring to a brief mention that he's a whipping boy and he has an urge to run away, even though he's failed before.<br /><br />This might be stronger if you focus on where he could go, rather than the memory of his parents. <br /><br />Good luck - I see potential in this.Chrisnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46661057551618901102009-09-09T11:02:17.814-04:002009-09-09T11:02:17.814-04:00I'm sorry not hooked... this seems to be quite...I'm sorry not hooked... this seems to be quite a lot of telling right up front. You don't want the reader waiting too long for the 'real' story to begin.Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77006089871281953772009-09-09T10:51:03.290-04:002009-09-09T10:51:03.290-04:00To me, this is more telling than showing.
Not hoo...To me, this is more telling than showing.<br /><br />Not hooked.Sarah Erberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15364100717989701019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6637291609297946982009-09-09T10:46:19.328-04:002009-09-09T10:46:19.328-04:00I'm a little hooked. I like the voice and the ...I'm a little hooked. I like the voice and the setting. I don't mind starting with back story if it's well written. I liked the images you evoked with "smoky slums" and "her voice like a lullaby." I'd give this another couple of pages to see where it is going.<br /><br />But. I'm wondering how an orphan boy from the slums gets sent of to English boarding school. Who's paying for it?Sheila JGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15371582292020275894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20698725093581798392009-09-09T10:31:24.405-04:002009-09-09T10:31:24.405-04:00I'm with ajcastle on this one.
It's more...I'm with ajcastle on this one. <br /><br />It's more like the beginning of an autobiography rather than a novel because of the telling rather than the showing.<br /><br />Plus, I'm not a fan of the stereotypical approach to English Boarding Schools = automatic beatings thing.<br /><br />The story has potential. i think if you were to start with an incident rather than a distant view of the incident, it would work better. If that makes sense!sue laybournhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14549268075528924978noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36255104909892912272009-09-09T10:29:40.002-04:002009-09-09T10:29:40.002-04:00Very confusing. I am not hooked. A lot of beatings...Very confusing. I am not hooked. A lot of beatings creates tension, but the voice is jagged. The first sentence is a killer.KeithTaxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00224167617509338587noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61714050391218014132009-09-09T10:24:36.567-04:002009-09-09T10:24:36.567-04:00I'm afraid I'm not hooked here. Too much t...I'm afraid I'm not hooked here. Too much tell instead of show. Even though I've been given information about the character and his/her background, I don't really 'know' him/her yet. Also, all the talk of beatings doesn't really draw me in.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com