tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8580087107657856812..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: Secret Agent #40Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36616182958361917382016-08-14T23:54:49.408-04:002016-08-14T23:54:49.408-04:00Thanks everyone for your comments. Really apprecia...Thanks everyone for your comments. Really appreciate the feedback.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08558222662905520768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82539175425562651502016-08-14T21:40:36.434-04:002016-08-14T21:40:36.434-04:00Great intro to this story. It ended too soon! What...Great intro to this story. It ended too soon! What happens next? My curious mind wants to know.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04235937737740644837noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10473204240114764152016-08-14T12:58:33.617-04:002016-08-14T12:58:33.617-04:00I really enjoyed the read! I'd want to read mo...I really enjoyed the read! I'd want to read more and find out what adventures these two get in to.Diana McCollumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14827594305973746696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56782317533803327962016-08-14T09:34:33.506-04:002016-08-14T09:34:33.506-04:00Great first line!
I love the third line "I l...Great first line!<br /><br />I love the third line "I looked like you could plug me in and blow out half of Spokane."<br /><br />And I love the "We were supposedly going for alien."<br /><br />It's a great premise too and by the end of the section you've entered here I'd definitely keep reading!<br /><br />Thanks for entering!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39381031696614748782016-08-13T12:54:19.106-04:002016-08-13T12:54:19.106-04:00You had me at Spokane!
Reggie's voice is so s...You had me at Spokane!<br /><br />Reggie's voice is so strong, and the scene comes across really visually.<br /><br />The only critique I have for you is that the "Colander, green wig..." paragraph is weak compared to the rest. I'd try to work those things in a bit more organically, like maybe the green face paint itches or is getting all over his costume. <br /><br />The other thing is the line "Not then, anyway." This could be entirely personal, but I find lines like that in first person stories tend to pull me out of the moment.<br /><br />Love the idea of an MG SciFi caper... want to see what these kids get up to! You've got a great start!City Hobbithttps://twitter.com/allisonfriebsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22248283108826739252016-08-11T18:14:02.013-04:002016-08-11T18:14:02.013-04:00Great authentic voice! I'd change the last par...Great authentic voice! I'd change the last part of the line, ..."it always started with an argument" to "it always started with a question." Then hit us with that perfect next line: "Wouldn't it be awesome to meet a real alien?" I'm truly curious to know what happens next!Jennifer Haweshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06303079974406921717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45544759824328271422016-08-11T10:35:46.597-04:002016-08-11T10:35:46.597-04:00Love the voice - and Spokane gets a shout-out! Gre...Love the voice - and Spokane gets a shout-out! Great. The kids are absolutely believable. <br /><br />I like the backstory. It gives the action context. You've accomplished a lot in 250 words! Ninanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18692096422427235482016-08-10T20:30:45.523-04:002016-08-10T20:30:45.523-04:00Great voice and nice images. My thought would be t...Great voice and nice images. My thought would be to cut "I looked weird. We were supposedly going for alien." You've shown us the MC looks weird, so you don't have to tell us. And we get they were going for alien, so that doesn't have to be stated either.<br /><br />I'd also suggest cutting the last three pargs. You start out getting us into the adventure, and then, at that point, the story stops and goes into backstory. We don't need the backstory. Just continue on with what's happening now. Keep the reader in the adventure.<br /><br />And if the backstory is essential, then just start there.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17105590667149556712016-08-10T17:27:58.889-04:002016-08-10T17:27:58.889-04:00I like your title. I'm a lover of sci fi and s...I like your title. I'm a lover of sci fi and saving the world always draws me in. I agree with H.R and would cut 'you want to know'. You have done a good job with the voice, sounds MG!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12998828343763880921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52363886266465129132016-08-10T15:26:15.843-04:002016-08-10T15:26:15.843-04:00I agree with the first comment - I LOVE the voice....I agree with the first comment - I LOVE the voice. It's entertaining and appropriate for MG. I also agree you could cut out the "You want to know." I'd also cut the "that" in the first sentence.<br />It sounds like a fun MG - it made me smile and I wanted to keep reading!Stacynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76438286904272012882016-08-10T11:16:14.568-04:002016-08-10T11:16:14.568-04:00This is very enjoyable and I love the voice. And I...This is very enjoyable and I love the voice. And I love how subtly the author threw in the location!<br /><br />But did Ty lose the toss or was this a dare? It was hard for me to figure out how both could be possible. Also the line with "You want to know" threw me at first. I think cutting those words would clear that up and leave a stronger sentence.H. R. Sinclairhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06715450637785127208noreply@blogger.com