tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8581672161600757850..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: April Secret Agent #9Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49728492420797414492013-04-28T13:22:39.235-04:002013-04-28T13:22:39.235-04:00I had a hard time getting into this for a couple o...I had a hard time getting into this for a couple of reasons. One, the first paragraph is overwritten. Two, we're thrown into the CYOA scenario so quickly that I honestly have no idea what's happening. Cool premise, though.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-35931202777839537752013-04-26T17:04:32.657-04:002013-04-26T17:04:32.657-04:00I also got held up by the story being in third per...I also got held up by the story being in third person instead of second person. It's tough for me to picture how this will work as a choose-your-own-adventure. <br /><br />But I did enjoy the opening imagery and the sinister feeling. Might help to clue the reader in on why he feels compelled to hack into this e-mail and change the message. Is he purely evil, or does he know these people?Jennifer Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00151358290264027095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55583320765377965662013-04-26T15:09:34.762-04:002013-04-26T15:09:34.762-04:00A nice, creepy opening that immediately sets the s...A nice, creepy opening that immediately sets the scene and creates an overall mood of dark and sinisterness. Perhaps cut the ending – with all the skills of the hacker he so proudly was. It’s extraneous and you don’t need it. And perhaps that cloud of smoke could come when you show him smoking.<br /><br />I didn’t get the point in the letter where Raven supposedly writes he’s going to ‘let’ Nash write a few chapters with Raben. Why would he have to ‘let’ him? Can’t Nash write with whoever he pleases? Perhaps it’s just a case of choosing a different word? But I’d read more. I feel like there’s a creepy, but fun, adventure in the works.<br />Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8966056240612175232013-04-25T13:13:55.380-04:002013-04-25T13:13:55.380-04:00I also thought CYOA was in second person. This cou...I also thought CYOA was in second person. This could work with some tweaking, though. <br /><br />More info up front would help with clarity/choices. <br /><br />Raben/Raven is confusing <br /><br />Funny: VonRedhairenschnoben<br /><br />This might fit MG very well. Just a thought. SanWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07882213832893854098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73197167289061225332013-04-24T21:04:09.972-04:002013-04-24T21:04:09.972-04:00I like your writing style. The "blood red&quo...I like your writing style. The "blood red" description was fantastic.<br />I'd probably read on a bit further, but only to see if it was "just me," or if the story was going to continue to confuse. <br />Some great books begin by purposely being vague (I"m thinking Maniac Magee), and this may be one of them! Maybe just a bit more clarity up front would help hook less patient readers.Nancy T.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48774214182200214612013-04-24T19:37:44.552-04:002013-04-24T19:37:44.552-04:00It's been a few decades since I read a choose ...It's been a few decades since I read a choose your own adventure story, but aren't they usually written in the second person? As in, "you wake up to see a computer screen glowing in the corner of your bedroom, and a cigarette-smoking raven pounding on the keyboard," or "you open your email and find..."<br /><br />With the third person narration, I couldn't tell if this was really a CYOA or if the title was tongue-in-cheek. <br /><br />I'd second the comments above, that I wasn't quite sure what was going on and Raben/Raven was confusing, but keep working on it. I think there's a good concept here.Rebecca M.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54395839897148279872013-04-24T15:44:16.217-04:002013-04-24T15:44:16.217-04:00Agreed, choose-your-own adventure definitely sound...Agreed, choose-your-own adventure definitely sounds like fun. In the classics, though, they generally start you off immediately in a specific situation, prizing clarity and plot over tone and language.<br /><br />I guess what I'm saying is that, I, too, am a bit confused. Okay, a lot confused. I'm not even sure if Raben is Raven or not. Why have two names that are so similar? Also, if Raben is the cousin of Raven, and therefore also a bird, I'm not sure wings would be the best for typing (as opposed to beak and claws).<br /><br />This reads more like a MG novel to me, but maybe that is also a result of what I expect from CYOA novels.Andrewhttp://www.kozma.curragh-labs.org/blog/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49083384737230281982013-04-24T14:44:59.271-04:002013-04-24T14:44:59.271-04:00Choose your own adventure? That's fun!
Just a...Choose your own adventure? That's fun!<br /><br />Just a note, you use the word 'eerie' twice in the first two sentences.<br /><br />I admit I'm pretty confused by this. Maybe a little context? I don't understand what's going on. Maybe the next commenter will have a better idea. Zoenoreply@blogger.com