tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8605263049580488005..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 11 Talkin' HeadsAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48263325892885447952010-02-26T12:11:31.826-05:002010-02-26T12:11:31.826-05:00I like this. Definitely accomplishes the teasing ...I like this. Definitely accomplishes the teasing friends feeling. The repetition of "fine" works for me, but it would probably also work to mix it up with "Mmhmm" or "Sure." I like how leaving out any dialogue tags during that sequence makes the pace feel quick and fun.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36518668753908464302010-02-24T19:04:42.266-05:002010-02-24T19:04:42.266-05:00I liked this, it sounds exactly like two friends h...I liked this, it sounds exactly like two friends having a minor spat over something.<br /><br />The fines worked for me, too.Christinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26301794563054587322010-02-24T17:51:29.553-05:002010-02-24T17:51:29.553-05:00I thought this worked well.
I liked the 'fin...I thought this worked well. <br /><br />I liked the 'fines,' and could do without the 'barked' comment and the raspberry, as well as "like we hadn't had this conversation many times already.' It seemed extraneous.<br /><br />The ending seemed liked it could go in the same direction as the "fines' only using the word 'old' and that seemed a bit much, but that may not even be where you're going. So, overall, it worked for me.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14501132182710265406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6907357939839200512010-02-24T16:27:20.293-05:002010-02-24T16:27:20.293-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Huntresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08155372788872245758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79658908019914531052010-02-24T16:13:01.412-05:002010-02-24T16:13:01.412-05:00I liked the 'fines'. In fact, I can pictur...I liked the 'fines'. In fact, I can picture the two, each trying to get in the last word, almost as if repeating the last word . . . stop, stop, quit, quit, i mean it, i mean it. There's a sense of familiarity between the characters, a friendship that will last. Great job.<br /><br />SScotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06905515473737579937noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9049389440662821112010-02-24T13:24:14.586-05:002010-02-24T13:24:14.586-05:00I'm going to agree with Amelia. The "Fine...I'm going to agree with Amelia. The "Fines" actually worked for me. When the trip up comes it makes it more pronounced. <br /><br />Also the "barked" was out of place. That's not usually a verb associated with a female character unless she is 60, been smoking all her life, and has a voice as rough as a chainsaw.C.M. Villanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09894040906699821385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-45337253875027651712010-02-24T12:33:12.090-05:002010-02-24T12:33:12.090-05:00Okay-- I loved the fine, and the way he trips her ...Okay-- I loved the fine, and the way he trips her with it at the end. I was less a fan of the "blew a rude noise at her." and "barked a short laugh" They pulled me out of the scene a little bit.Amalia Dillinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13005039978668326144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16917662762110813232010-02-24T10:46:34.861-05:002010-02-24T10:46:34.861-05:00I agree that the repetition of "fine" wa...I agree that the repetition of "fine" was a bit much. I'd either ignore it or change it around a bit. "Hmmm" "Whatever". I didn't get the end, but that's probably because I'm missing information from the story. From the dialogue, I got a good sense of who there are.Theresa Milsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03477761307315565259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-89609895244476960222010-02-24T10:12:52.027-05:002010-02-24T10:12:52.027-05:00I think you did a great job setting the mood of th...I think you did a great job setting the mood of the scene with your dialogue. The only thing that tripped me up was the repetition of the word "fine". I think in that situation, Eva might just say it once and then ignore Lee while she sips on her coffee.Rachel Menardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10021632240283151780noreply@blogger.com