tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8790898981924457461..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: (53) YA Historical Romance: The Astronaut's DaughterAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17005030139147579772012-12-04T12:04:08.690-05:002012-12-04T12:04:08.690-05:00I keep visiting this to pout.I keep visiting this to pout.Lauren MacLeod (Strothman Agency)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24531111866855772452012-12-04T11:10:00.783-05:002012-12-04T11:10:00.783-05:00But-but-I didn't even get to--WAH!But-but-I didn't even get to--WAH! Tina Wexlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15129634353446254714noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1826472694508412162012-12-04T11:06:15.100-05:002012-12-04T11:06:15.100-05:00DANGIT YOU! I WANTED!DANGIT YOU! I WANTED!Ammi-Joan Paquettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46786444933981656822012-12-04T11:05:05.798-05:002012-12-04T11:05:05.798-05:00VICTORY IS MINE, MACLEOD! VICTORY IS MINE, MACLEOD! Sarah LaPollahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14266812619209867411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42650698589684215192012-12-04T11:04:12.648-05:002012-12-04T11:04:12.648-05:00DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!DAMN YOU!!!!!!!!!!Lauren MacLeod (Strothman Agency)http://www.strothmanagency.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37823968252568483852012-12-04T11:03:47.011-05:002012-12-04T11:03:47.011-05:00Full!Full!Lauren MacLeod (Strothman Agency)http://www.strothmanagency.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4705153041361362062012-12-04T11:03:46.599-05:002012-12-04T11:03:46.599-05:00Full!Full!Sarah LaPollahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14266812619209867411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54321281058705151432012-12-04T11:03:40.067-05:002012-12-04T11:03:40.067-05:00150!150!Sarah LaPollahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14266812619209867411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12007057535437979302012-12-04T11:03:26.686-05:002012-12-04T11:03:26.686-05:00100 pages.100 pages.Lauren MacLeod (Strothman Agency)http://www.strothmanagency.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5519167772385715552012-12-04T11:01:53.334-05:002012-12-04T11:01:53.334-05:00I remember this from a different contest and love ...I remember this from a different contest and love it still! I bid 75 pages. Sarah LaPollahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14266812619209867411noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84750495162583795282012-12-04T11:01:44.376-05:002012-12-04T11:01:44.376-05:0050 pages!50 pages!Lauren MacLeod (Strothman Agency)http://www.strothmanagency.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-67150737551454007702012-12-04T11:00:18.907-05:002012-12-04T11:00:18.907-05:00What a fabulous start! I'm going to open with ...What a fabulous start! I'm going to open with 25 pages.Ammi-Joan Paquettenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29442434436495386542012-12-04T05:38:25.222-05:002012-12-04T05:38:25.222-05:00Very cool premise! And what a stellar first line! ...Very cool premise! And what a stellar first line! I don't read much YA historical, but I'd be all over this. Good luck!!!Samantha Véranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07446488761214047647noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1122320973931169622012-12-04T03:01:17.226-05:002012-12-04T03:01:17.226-05:00LOVE!LOVE!Suzannehttp://www.suzannekamata.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32385279358592290632012-12-03T23:07:18.824-05:002012-12-03T23:07:18.824-05:00I'm very late to the party, but I just wanted ...I'm very late to the party, but I just wanted to wish you luck tomorrow. I love the concept here and your opening is rich with personality and period details without being overdone. Great work!Janellenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90516571563867499712012-12-03T20:58:31.604-05:002012-12-03T20:58:31.604-05:00I love this title! That’s my whole critique. (Kidd...I love this title! That’s my whole critique. (Kidding.)<br /><br />I love your opening line. (I clearly have a lot to love here.) This is the kind of opening line that goes on to be remembered beyond the book. (Like M.T. Anderson’s opening to FEED – “We went to the moon to have fun, but the moon turned out to completely suck.”)<br /><br />I know who Evelyn is right away. I know family dynamics and her discomfort with being in the media spotlight. And I can see how that struggle with attention can wind into a tension with civil rights and dating the wrong boy and all the chaos that will unfold from that.<br /><br />There is some awkward wording that I think you can steamline. “The difference was my father might actually go.” Or, perhaps, the difference, for us, was my father might actually go.” Keep the attention back on Evelyn, not on her father.“My mother turned for her final examination” or something along those lines to avoid some of the clunkiness. I think you need to be especially careful of some of this awkwardness because it makes Evelyn sound young – as in “She demonstrated a shoulders-back, stomach-sucked-in posture.” I’d rather that here Evelyn say something like “Mother sucked in her stomach, threw he shoulders back, and raised her chin.” Yes, both are telling, but the former sounds very young, and that’s not going to serve your sixteen –year-old protagonist well.<br /><br />I love historical, though I still find it a tough sell, but I’d want to read more of yours. Alison Weisshttps://twitter.com/i/connectnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-20354063294012991392012-12-03T17:16:50.762-05:002012-12-03T17:16:50.762-05:00The above comment says it all. Good luck!The above comment says it all. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83704678415507731862012-12-03T14:33:07.051-05:002012-12-03T14:33:07.051-05:00SHAZAM.
This is one of two samples that stuck wi...SHAZAM. <br /><br />This is one of two samples that stuck with me over my weekend reads. <br /><br />I can't tell you anything, other than PREPARE for the bidding onslaught. Myra McEntirehttp://myramcentire.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1289523089149858342012-12-03T10:12:41.010-05:002012-12-03T10:12:41.010-05:00Your opening line is awesome! I would definitely r...Your opening line is awesome! I would definitely read more. I already get a sense that Evelyn will be an interesting character. Nice job!<br /><br />Not sure what "all the seasonal luxuries of August in southeast Texas" means.<br /><br />Overall, this is an excellent start. Good luck in the auction!Melissa Gorzelanczykhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04949628097688877510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65139584349501195752012-12-02T11:38:14.821-05:002012-12-02T11:38:14.821-05:00FANTASTIC opening line and your logline shows a ve...FANTASTIC opening line and your logline shows a very layered MS, which I love. <br /><br />For nitpicks (and there aren't many), I'd suggest taking out "these days" in your second sentence as I think that people in every time period could dream about flying a rocket into space. And I'd probably take Girl Friday's suggestion about your third sentence.<br /><br />You've set a great scene, though, and I would definitely turn the page!jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07636088542855575230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80313146418975608962012-12-02T06:54:37.929-05:002012-12-02T06:54:37.929-05:00Hi! I've seen this in other contests and have ...Hi! I've seen this in other contests and have always enjoyed it. It's one of my favorites.<br /><br />I haven't seen your first 250 in a while. It's changed subtly, and I like it a LOT now. The voice comes through, and Evelyn's personality is crystal clear. If I remember correctly, you've added in more action and dialogue and eliminated some stuff that might have been interpreted as telling. You've done a great, great job!<br /><br />For what it's worth, I didn't see a problem with the "disconnect" between the first paragraph and the second paragraph. I thought it worked well. In fact, it made me feel as though I was in Evelyn's shoes while she was sort of daydreaming or lost in thought, and then her sister's nudge "woke" her. If you interpret it that way, the disconnect works perfectly. It's practically essential!<br /><br />Best of luck to you! All fingers and toes crossed!Jeanmarie Anayahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15444097096666633756noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17123915386105585432012-12-01T16:35:31.268-05:002012-12-01T16:35:31.268-05:00I'm a sucker for books set in the 60's and...I'm a sucker for books set in the 60's and add in space and swoon....I've been fortunate enough to read more of this and I think this hits on a unique premise for YA and it's REALLY well-written. Very glad to see this as part of the Baker's Dozen this year!!!!Helenehttp://www.twitter.com/helene_dunbarnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41667796869499063442012-12-01T12:04:21.531-05:002012-12-01T12:04:21.531-05:00I don't even feel I'm qualified to respond...I don't even feel I'm qualified to respond here-- I can't remember if Shirley Temple would be old enough for 'awkward years' here, but the quote made me laugh.<br /><br />This is really well done.Alainahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10343957686450599547noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70417828066025769732012-11-30T22:17:32.898-05:002012-11-30T22:17:32.898-05:00Well done on this! My favorite thing about this en...Well done on this! My favorite thing about this entry is the setting--lots of details and well-written! There's only two things I would think about fixing. For one, the phrase "current crop of flight test crew." I know what you're going for, but it just reads kind of wordy/awkward; it was one of those sentences I had to read several times to get. Also, the phrase "all the seasonal luxuries of August in southeast Texas." What does that mean? What are those "luxuries"? Is this your MC's way of (sarcastically) saying it's humid? Maybe it's just me, but I didn't get it.<br /><br />Those are the only con-crits I have! I thought you did a great job. I love this time period and would definitely read more! Best of luck!Gianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4176593446201962992012-11-30T21:14:23.622-05:002012-11-30T21:14:23.622-05:00I've got nothing. This is great- the voice, th...I've got nothing. This is great- the voice, the visual, your MC, the time period. I wouldn't change a thing!<br /><br />Good luck!Dana Ehttp://momslifeponderings.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com