tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8854245301934735146..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: #5 SECRET AGENT Are You Hooked?Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11137904509830416142008-08-29T07:27:00.000-04:002008-08-29T07:27:00.000-04:00Hooked.I like the premise, and the MC. Felt a litt...Hooked.<BR/><BR/>I like the premise, and the MC. Felt a little slow going, but I'd read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6815872517340030912008-08-28T08:03:00.000-04:002008-08-28T08:03:00.000-04:00To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't buy this book i...To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't buy this book if I saw it on the shelf...<BR/><BR/>But for the purpose of the exercise was I hooked?<BR/><BR/>Yep. I thought the voice was good, and I like a slow/atmospheric, but intriguing start.<BR/><BR/>Some bits were a bit awkward or overly detailed, but I liked the mc, and thought you established the scene well (although I agree that it wasn't clear on the historical period).<BR/><BR/>Good luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60107649514217881542008-08-27T22:49:00.000-04:002008-08-27T22:49:00.000-04:00I'd give this a tentative yes. I'm intrigued, but...I'd give this a tentative yes. I'm intrigued, but the passive voice throughout the selection threw me, and as the SA said, the language and verbiage just doesn't put me in the 1500s. I guess it just doesn't feel "authentic" to me. Also, beware the cliche "tavern scene" utilized by so many authors writing period or fantasy pieces. It's as overused as magic rings and elves, IMHO.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55573622104781465322008-08-27T22:11:00.000-04:002008-08-27T22:11:00.000-04:00Heh... I think I read somewhere about the danger o...Heh... I think I read somewhere about the danger of starting stories in bed (as in asleep) or in a tavern/bar. :)<BR/><BR/>The other thing... why did the other guy blush when Thomas and he made eye contact? <- This is definitely my tired head. I read it a second time and get that the other guy's flush was an acknowledgement that he'd gotten caught. <BR/><BR/>Hmmmm... for the sake of teasing, at first look it doesn't seem like he's a lonely spy, since he's sitting in a bar with a LOT of other spies. <BR/><BR/>I do like the sounds of this guy. He sounds like a cool character, right down to his easy excuse to the waitress. <BR/><BR/>So yes. This is a hook for me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87555169503395091452008-08-27T21:30:00.000-04:002008-08-27T21:30:00.000-04:00Not hooked. Some places need a polish. Some good s...Not hooked. Some places need a polish. Some good set up here, just wasn't for me.emeraldcitehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11495241111424476230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14695601640373497702008-08-27T20:41:00.000-04:002008-08-27T20:41:00.000-04:00Possibly - I liked it right up until the last part...Possibly - I liked it right up until the last part with the 'waitress'.<BR/>feigned - the word caught me - it seemed out of context with the rest of the story<BR/>Good luck with your writing.queenofmeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16488271353775981931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42228650351662087552008-08-27T18:44:00.000-04:002008-08-27T18:44:00.000-04:00I agree about the term "waitress"... maybe "bar ma...I agree about the term "waitress"... maybe "bar maid"? I dunno... I'm not getting a sense that this happened in a completely different time period.<BR/><BR/>I really liked the opening paragraph lines, though. :)H. L. Dyerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11054946734073372817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43559184402951740282008-08-27T18:43:00.000-04:002008-08-27T18:43:00.000-04:00Pretended rather than feigned I think...With some ...Pretended rather than feigned I think...<BR/><BR/>With some edits I could see this being a good story and I'm willing to read more.<BR/><BR/>Yes, I'm hooked :o)Liana Brookshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14587774916354749190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10646436940234603372008-08-27T16:49:00.000-04:002008-08-27T16:49:00.000-04:00Probably not hooked. It seems like there might be ...Probably not hooked. It seems like there might be interesting story here but the writing isn't as smooth as it could be. <BR/><BR/>Also, I'm pretty sure "waitress" is a modern word and discrepancies on the first page of a historical novel tend to put me off (especially as this is in Tudor times and I'm obsessed with the Tudors!).Esther.Jadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11552124058522436295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22570390544627759852008-08-27T15:42:00.000-04:002008-08-27T15:42:00.000-04:00Hmm. This is why my job is so difficult as sometim...Hmm. This is why my job is so difficult as sometimes it’s not about what IS there, but what isn’t. There is a disconnect here and I think it comes from over establishing the scene but under establishing the atmosphere. I can’t really tell that it takes place in the 1500’s without the tag. This one just isn’t resonating with me.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10512107560208885888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19206615140681143652008-08-27T15:28:00.000-04:002008-08-27T15:28:00.000-04:00I would probably not read further because I didn't...I would probably not read further because I didn't feel connected somehow. A lot of staring around the room lost my interest, although I could picture the scene very well.<BR/><BR/>I found myself wondering when the hook was going to come.<BR/><BR/>But well written nonetheless!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82869751660472481192008-08-27T15:19:00.000-04:002008-08-27T15:19:00.000-04:00I’m drawn to this because my wip takes place in th...I’m drawn to this because my wip takes place in the sixteenth century as well. The first thing I noticed, however, was the tense slip in the second sentence: 'requires' should be corrected to 'required.' <BR/><BR/>Your premise is interesting, but I’m not sure I’m hooked. You give us an awful lot of description and characters in a relatively short amount of time. It’s a bit hard to keep them straight. <BR/><BR/>Having said that, I’d keep reading.Christina Graham Parkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04055656554692170817noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61388657335942195672008-08-27T15:10:00.000-04:002008-08-27T15:10:00.000-04:00Hi, Sorry not hooked. You had to much back story f...Hi, <BR/>Sorry not hooked. You had to much back story for me and not much really happened.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42722665314347544932008-08-27T14:23:00.000-04:002008-08-27T14:23:00.000-04:00Yes, I would definately read on. Somehow that last...Yes, I would definately read on. <BR/>Somehow that last paragraph already seemed out of character. He seems too cool and steely, too aware of his surroundings, to be startled by a waitress. Unless there is something really odd about her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69375522169944941332008-08-27T11:35:00.000-04:002008-08-27T11:35:00.000-04:00Not hooked, but I think it's because the pace feel...Not hooked, but I think it's because the pace feels too calm for the action it might be leading up to. As for the last bit with the waitress, it works for me but is over-written. I don't think you need to say he startled and blinked. The action of his putting the dagger away says it all. Why does he apologize? Did she see the knife and react? If so, you might think about including that reaction, which would get the attention of the guys he's spying on, and then we'd have conflict. I'd rather see that than read 200 words about him casually observing people in a tavern.Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12333271271383285192008-08-27T11:14:00.000-04:002008-08-27T11:14:00.000-04:00You had me hooked right up to "Sorry, lass. Your b...You had me hooked right up to "Sorry, lass. Your beauty stunned me." <BR/><BR/>IMHO it took away from the suspense that you had built. It also detracted from your voice, which was so strong and serious, at least up until I read that one line. <BR/><BR/>Now I will say that not being able to see any further, if that waitress is to become a MC or even SC, there may be some reason for him to say or feel that way, but for just what was there, I think it detracts from such a well-written, fast-paced start.<BR/><BR/>Good job though!<BR/><BR/>:) TerriTerriRainerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16301763290901887933noreply@blogger.com