tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8863318594141785749..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #18Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76790921174330290472019-01-31T12:05:35.258-05:002019-01-31T12:05:35.258-05:00INSTEAD OF GETTING A LOAN,, I GOT SOMETHING NEW
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I will make some changes to that first paragraph!SK Valentinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607528871289508466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56914000600057596122019-01-26T13:55:23.142-05:002019-01-26T13:55:23.142-05:00This is a great hook! I’d definitely keep reading....This is a great hook! I’d definitely keep reading. The dialogue is great. Voice is strong. My only suggestion is to play around with that first paragraph a bit more. Is she regretting some life choices right now? Thinking how’d I end up here… I could’ve been doing X, even waiting tables would be better than this…? That “Unfortunately” doesn’t quite make sense in this context. Waiting tables isn’t much better than working retail (I know; I’ve done both), so I think it’s worth giving us a better idea of where her head’s at here. Something to explain why she’s bothering to tell us about her memory at all in this moment, as it's not blending seamlessly just yet.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32436312400776114212019-01-24T14:56:01.390-05:002019-01-24T14:56:01.390-05:00Thank you for taking the time to read and comment ...Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my first 240 words, Amy.SK Valentinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607528871289508466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64849201407526784702019-01-24T14:55:00.914-05:002019-01-24T14:55:00.914-05:00Thank you for your feedback, Barbara. Thank you for your feedback, Barbara. SK Valentinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607528871289508466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21540493381735605852019-01-24T14:53:59.426-05:002019-01-24T14:53:59.426-05:00Wow, you’re quite perceptive! Thank you so much fo...Wow, you’re quite perceptive! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this thoughtful comment, Mark. I truly appreciate it.SK Valentinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607528871289508466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19918936436760516392019-01-24T14:43:24.919-05:002019-01-24T14:43:24.919-05:00I found not much of a hook here I didn't feel...I found not much of a hook here I didn't feel conflict or tension or any hint of drama in this snippet. <br /><br />The part about your characters memory is intriguing AMYnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78860029315564135092019-01-24T14:34:15.351-05:002019-01-24T14:34:15.351-05:00The writing is fine, but everything takes place in...The writing is fine, but everything takes place in the past. The first parg goes into her childhood, and when we get to the store, all they talk about is the past.<br /><br />I would suggest eliminating the first parg. You can get in that she has a good memory when her friends ask her about summer school. It could easily be fit in somewhere else, too. Then it becomes part of the story, rather than an aside to the reader. <br /><br />In the second parg where you say 'we aren't open yet' perhaps replace 'we' with the name of the store so we get an idea of what kind of business it is - fast food, retail clothing, auto parts?<br /><br />You might also consider starting somewhere else where something is happening now. What is your inciting incident? Can you start closer to that? Close enough to get it on the first page? <br /><br />Work at getting some kind of hook on the first page.<br /><br /> Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24979801627865790862019-01-24T12:07:11.566-05:002019-01-24T12:07:11.566-05:00It’s interesting to note Cassie is unhappy she’s g...It’s interesting to note Cassie is unhappy she’s got a phenomenal memory as most people would jump at the chance. I'd like to find out why.<br />I could be wrong, but I got the impression that Simon & Clara are very much alike, as is Cassie and Henry. It’d be intrigued to see if this is the case as we’re introduced to more of the story, and if it’s relevant, which I think it is.<br />Overall the writing flowed nicely and introduced the reader to four main characters. The writing has my imagination working overtime, wondering what’s going to happen next. I would certainly like to read more, as without a doubt it’s piqued my interest. Well written<br />Mark Elvyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01729120248880032718noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-2801225249173316082019-01-23T17:44:06.312-05:002019-01-23T17:44:06.312-05:00Great points, KA. Thank you.Great points, KA. Thank you.SK Valentinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607528871289508466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50615577740614586392019-01-23T17:43:35.804-05:002019-01-23T17:43:35.804-05:00This is very encouraging and motivating. Thank you...This is very encouraging and motivating. Thank you, Jenn.SK Valentinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10607528871289508466noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53661928583154139712019-01-23T17:16:38.075-05:002019-01-23T17:16:38.075-05:00The main character is interesting, and I want to k...The main character is interesting, and I want to know more. The setting is very realistic. I'd love a little more to hook me into how her memory is going to factor into the story.Jennnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76965682352169528482019-01-23T14:59:39.922-05:002019-01-23T14:59:39.922-05:00The writing is great and the dialogue feels real b...The writing is great and the dialogue feels real but I'm wondering how the memory stuff is going to tie in -- as this is the first thing you introduce about your character and then there's no pay out other than note of how bad their job is. I wonder if the memory info wouldn't be better placed a little later when it will immediately relate to the character in the moment she'll need it.K.A.Simonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17493575312482805987noreply@blogger.com