tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8872423879039319325..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: January Secret Agent #32Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7436382499223063052019-01-27T18:08:09.004-05:002019-01-27T18:08:09.004-05:00I think this is a bit all over the place. It’s har...I think this is a bit all over the place. It’s hard to tell where she is, who she is, what she wants, what concerns her. We finally get an idea of where she is near the end with Airbnb, but I have no idea why she’s annoyed. Is this impeccably dressed woman the Airbnb owner? That would be unusual. The staircase is so clean and big that is seems like it was installed in the nick of time for her. I’m sorry, I don’t think that makes much sense. She grasps me… perhaps “grasps my shoulder” more appropriate here? The way it’s phrased, it sounds like the impeccably dressed woman is halting her to try to tell her something important or to convey something, but then it doesn’t actually go anywhere, and it definitely doesn’t seem to have anything to do with being welcoming. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64743518354432879952019-01-26T21:11:39.042-05:002019-01-26T21:11:39.042-05:00I am confused why their patience is being tried at...I am confused why their patience is being tried at the opening. Not sure how they have been annoyed so maybe start with that? Then go into the exchange. I was thrown off when I realized they were at someone's house bc I thought the woman who talked was a airport employee or hotel maybe. Then I wonder why she randomly grabs the person carrying a bunch of bags. I am intrigued at the end though, what is "the plans"?? :)janfloranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51050595018469285692019-01-25T12:24:45.666-05:002019-01-25T12:24:45.666-05:00You have a great hook and a nice opening. You made...You have a great hook and a nice opening. You made me want to care about her. Your narrator seems likeable and caring enough for me to read more.<br /><br />Minor nits: use contractions like I'm and they're in prose. Use adverbs sparingly and not with tags. Can you show how her voice was firm, how she was genuine, etc. You need a period after firmly. Overall, I would read more. Good luck. Kristen Howehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00972196730044496053noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24776417032846196272019-01-25T00:36:22.653-05:002019-01-25T00:36:22.653-05:00I assume the MC is a woman? I'm left wondering...I assume the MC is a woman? I'm left wondering who 'someone like her' is ... so I'm curious enough to read a bit more. But I had to read through the text a few times to connect with it, and I think it's the volume of 'internal commentary' that may be a bit off-putting for me. A part of me thinks, okay, the MC is just tired and grumpy, but another part of me does not like this person, and since the story is told in from her POV, I want to like her.Mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08334805667163665312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88517003373679523152019-01-24T21:36:16.017-05:002019-01-24T21:36:16.017-05:00I can't connect the grasp preventing her from ...I can't connect the grasp preventing her from continuing further, with the intent to welcome her. That doesn't seem very welcoming! Hopefully we find out quickly what the MC's plans are. I do kind of like the MC so far, but it would entirely depend on what she is there for! AMYnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37891869090994361202019-01-23T15:03:51.952-05:002019-01-23T15:03:51.952-05:00Oooh, I like this. Obviously this young woman has ...Oooh, I like this. Obviously this young woman has developed a coping mechanism - counting - to deal with some very stressful life situations. And I'm assuming then that she must have experienced many such situations already. I get the feeling she's at this place to perhaps hide out since her plans are not typical of those who usually stay at this residence. I am very interested in knowing her background and why she's at this rental place and why is the woman pulling her back from proceeding up the stairs?<br />Good job.Patriciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11512099085568969698noreply@blogger.com