tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8898443480640829609..comments2024-03-28T02:12:56.114-04:00Comments on Authoress: First 750 #7Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79407910154565894512010-07-29T14:23:31.826-04:002010-07-29T14:23:31.826-04:00Great stuff, here. I haven't commented until n...Great stuff, here. I haven't commented until now because I couldn't get passed the beginning without getting a little lost/bored. BUT, once I was in, what a ride! <br /><br />I agree with the others about how well you wove in info, I just want to comment on how nice your writing is and how much I like your style. Def. would read more!Michellehttp://www.michellelbrown.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86527745648024206552010-07-28T15:29:12.618-04:002010-07-28T15:29:12.618-04:00I thought you did a great job of getting the info ...I thought you did a great job of getting the info out. It's woven into the scene very well, but for me, the scene dragged on too long. By the time the cockroach appears, I had gotten the point.<br /><br />I did think the bug's appearance was going to be the catalyst for some foreward movement, but then she goes back to the books. And even at the end when something different is happening, it's not clear to me what that event is. Perhaps tell us who made the croaking call, or what was said? She seems to know who or what it is. We should know that, too.<br /><br />Other than that, I thought it worked well.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52866759126642796912010-07-28T14:00:16.655-04:002010-07-28T14:00:16.655-04:00This is my favorite so far. I agree that you coul...This is my favorite so far. I agree that you could cutback on the exposition a little, but I was halfway through before I even thought about the fact that there was very little dialogue. And, for me, that is a major feat.<br /><br />Something you've done extraordinarily well that others should look at is weave the backstory in seamlessly. There is no infodump whatsoever, but we still know that she's cursed, trying to find a cure, and a guy left her. Very well done.<br /><br />I also agree with the confusion about the book. I think you mean that the cockroach had eaten the pages she was interested in? Maybe she could shake it out, and then set it back down to find the holey and ruined pages? I dunno.<br /><br />Regardless, I love this and want to read more. Go, you!Larissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08874147599272424056noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11038230707143960872010-07-28T13:57:37.549-04:002010-07-28T13:57:37.549-04:00I'm definitely digging the hook of the protag ...I'm definitely digging the hook of the protag desperately searching for a cure in a dimly lit study. My attention has certainly been grabbed. <br /><br />I do agree with some of the above comments, but something I wanted to point out is that the paragraph full of questions seems too arbitary for my tastes ("Is there a cure? Will I ever be free? Will he return? Should I give up?"). They're just kind of tossed out there, and not enough info is given to ground the reader regarding them. You don't want to infodump, of course, but they're too vague. For example, why would Cynthia say "he" in the question "Will he return?" Even a name or something there would feel more natural, I think, and provide more info. <br /><br />That being said, the hooks are good, and I was enticed to read on more to find out who had entered the study.Chris Vhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00628682876855958199noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46457126465021768672010-07-28T13:36:14.301-04:002010-07-28T13:36:14.301-04:00I agree with the above poster. I found this intri...I agree with the above poster. I found this intriguing enough to continue. I'd like to know more about the curse, who 'he' is and who is calling to her at the end.<br /><br />I wasn't hooked with the first paragraph- like the above I find that there were too many uneeded descriptive prose and it was hard to find the action amidst the thought processes. <br /><br />Also- if these books are so important to her, why would she shake one into a crumbling mass because of a cockroach? If this isn't what happens, something's being lost in translation.<br /><br />I would aim for clarity with this and ask yourself what the first of impression of your main character you'd like to give? We already have a sense of the conflict- the curse, but do you feel its best presented under these circumstances? You have to really give the reader a reason to invest in this character and what befalls her.Creepy Query Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18115161057496086972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27605764513955757752010-07-28T13:32:37.142-04:002010-07-28T13:32:37.142-04:00I completely loved this. I particularly enjoyed h...I completely loved this. I particularly enjoyed how you dribble in information slowly, instead of rushing to twill us why she's searching for magic lore and what the nature of her curse is. Good luck finding a home for this!Janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12357240497831335619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34993922767198189112010-07-28T12:49:25.603-04:002010-07-28T12:49:25.603-04:00I remember liking this before, when it was the fir...I remember liking this before, when it was the first 250 words. I was glad to read more of it. It's tricky to keep a reader's interest when there's so much inner monologue and the only real action involves reading through an encyclopedia, but at as long as you can maintain the sense of urgency about breaking the curse, it works all right. I'd definitely want to keep reading and find out the exact nature of the problem.<br /><br />A few awkward phrasings. For me, "brought her spine into alignment" conjures up images of chiropractors. ;) Watch out for your placement of too many similar constructions; for example, the line that starts "Skimming along" includes "screaming" a few words later, and I think it might be too many -ing words at once. Minor stylistic issues, nothing huge.<br /><br />Good luck!Matrilnoreply@blogger.com