tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post8961540474971983017..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Mini Are You Hooked #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47463171984211120282020-09-24T09:37:12.919-04:002020-09-24T09:37:12.919-04:00nice!
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The writing needs a go...I'm hooked! Truly. :)<br /><br />The writing needs a good dose of tightening, and I agree you need to work on the dialogue. In historical settings, it's important that our characters don't sound like people TRYING to sound correct for the time period. <br /><br />But aside from obvious editing (which all our work needs!), I am absolutely compelled to know what happens next!!Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29898348196481247732010-05-28T12:17:38.519-04:002010-05-28T12:17:38.519-04:00@enewmeyer: Thanks!
And I forgot, big thanks to A...@enewmeyer: Thanks!<br /><br />And I forgot, big thanks to Authoress for hosting these things! I'm getting a lot of great feedback!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21624563948834509362010-05-28T12:00:20.586-04:002010-05-28T12:00:20.586-04:00Hi everyone. I'm the author.
I think this went...Hi everyone. I'm the author.<br />I think this went much better than last time. I glad you liked it.<br />The dialog is just a style I'm using. <br /><br />@Sandra: Good guess! Hmm, maybe I can have Victoria have B stay close instead of with her.<br /><br />@Andria: What's going to happen is...<br /><br />@Jane: She is the closest to family Victoria has at the manor...except a 6yo daughter who's not mentioned here. Slow it down??? Bite your tongue. Besides...the story isn't about Victoria, it's about the babies. (oops--did I just say <i>babies</i>?)<br /><br />@Robin: Steampunk FTW!<br /><br />@Nobu: Dialog noted. Tragedy indeed.<br /><br />@Margaret: Thanks!<br /><br />@Iwanna: It becomes more clear. Beatrice is the witness/accomplice to what is about to occur.<br /><br />@Adam: I'm wondering if I just change it to Beatrice's POV, because Victoria is really a minor character whereas Beatrice appears throughout the book<br /><br />@Raven: Aww. :( <br />Those tears would dry up when you see what Victoria does next. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-1208853331401042622010-05-28T12:00:00.690-04:002010-05-28T12:00:00.690-04:00Totally hooked. I want to know more.Totally hooked. I want to know more.Elizabeth Janettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09126364534598960883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30862458176321567992010-05-27T22:57:48.510-04:002010-05-27T22:57:48.510-04:00I had tears in my eyes after reading this. The wom...I had tears in my eyes after reading this. The woman's actions were so authentic. My heart aches for her.<br />I want to read on for sure.<br />Great job :)Ravenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05201095217806362454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63700512655062574242010-05-27T21:25:19.385-04:002010-05-27T21:25:19.385-04:00I agree with the comments already given (stilted d...I agree with the comments already given (stilted dialog, odd choice in Beatrice, a little distant from Victoria's emotions), but like the others, I'd read on. The title and genre don't hurt either :-)Adam Heinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02225813532455467868noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29648107722759753282010-05-27T20:07:49.417-04:002010-05-27T20:07:49.417-04:00I like it and I am hooked. I am picturing a baby s...I like it and I am hooked. I am picturing a baby switch or something. <br />I am kinda confused about Beatrice though.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04462149255674900146noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61888617187514045082010-05-27T19:18:41.258-04:002010-05-27T19:18:41.258-04:00I am hooked!I am hooked!Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01289197658424725914noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84412057311834131182010-05-27T17:48:55.613-04:002010-05-27T17:48:55.613-04:00I was thrown a bit by the dialogue (I know it is V...I was thrown a bit by the dialogue (I know it is Victorian era, but the dialogue still sounded stilted to me and awkward in the wording).<br /><br />Other than that, I am hooked. There is mystery and tragedy and it is only the first page :)Nobuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08406099079673709553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-72120586084569941752010-05-27T17:33:25.807-04:002010-05-27T17:33:25.807-04:00I'm hooked! And I love steampunk, so I'd d...I'm hooked! And I love steampunk, so I'd definitely read on. :)Robin Lemkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12254896327174187893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29085074442112640472010-05-27T17:14:41.752-04:002010-05-27T17:14:41.752-04:00I'm definitely caught up in this situation. E...I'm definitely caught up in this situation. Everything about it --the dead baby, the mysterious live baby-- is gripping.<br /><br />I second the comments that the dialogue felt a touch stilted, though, and that Beatrice seemed an unlikely choice for a companion. <br /><br />I would love it if you slowed us down a bit and put us more in touch with Victoria's emotions. This is a heart wracking situation, but something about "Another child dead--gone before she could even meet her father. Curse that wretched King and his demands" feels, well, distant. Controlled.Janehttp://www.simplemystery.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29094107806336514832010-05-27T16:07:53.359-04:002010-05-27T16:07:53.359-04:00What other baby was crying in the manor? I must kn...What other baby was crying in the manor? I must know what's going to happen! You had me hooked from the very beginning. Love this!Andriahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11399682348211528396noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48316726074108831292010-05-27T15:01:35.123-04:002010-05-27T15:01:35.123-04:00As a mother myself, I'm caught by Victoria'...As a mother myself, I'm caught by Victoria's emotions. I'm guessing there's another baby she's going to raise as her own. I'm intrigued by the genre and the situation and would read on. However, I did think it a bit strange that Victoria would want Beatrice's company when her sister-in-law had tried to take her child's body away, especially when she said earlier Beatrice had no business here. Are the two women normally close? Also, the dialogue seemed a bit too formal at times (My baby is not dead--"isn't dead" would be more natural.)Sandra Ulbrich Almazanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15365908651235829765noreply@blogger.com