tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post9024290119043201100..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent #13Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9046026928182280522015-03-12T21:30:13.107-04:002015-03-12T21:30:13.107-04:00Thank-you for the feedback. It will guide me in th...Thank-you for the feedback. It will guide me in the right direction for the changes that need to be made. My write brain is excited and eager to revise.CindyGnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17283017911984097062015-03-12T18:02:52.990-04:002015-03-12T18:02:52.990-04:00My thoughts on this are based more in more style t...My thoughts on this are based more in more style than content. You tend toward very short, staccato, sentence structure, which can start to feel abrupt and repetitive. I'd recommend varying the tempo a bit by mixing in longer sentences. I'd also like to get a few of Jaime's passing thoughts as she walks around. So far, you don't really give a sense of her beyond the dialogue she has, which is only part of the picture. I like the scenario you've set up, though!Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-78369588849059408592015-03-12T12:12:41.147-04:002015-03-12T12:12:41.147-04:00Thanks for the feedback. It is very helpful.Thanks for the feedback. It is very helpful.cindygnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48781170101753655602015-03-11T21:34:24.580-04:002015-03-11T21:34:24.580-04:00Agree with what has already been said. I am intrig...Agree with what has already been said. I am intrigued by where this conversation is headed, but I think you could cut some of the choreography and description and get to the dialogue faster. <br /><br />But I did find it interesting and very easy to read. Good luck!Alison Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12179538085536841348noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69637769996482699202015-03-11T16:29:57.846-04:002015-03-11T16:29:57.846-04:00While this is definitely an active scene with the ...While this is definitely an active scene with the MC losing her job, the tension gets a bit lost in the physical movements and placement of characters in the scene. I think beginning the story with a compelling line that conveys emotion, or theme, could really draw in a reader, followed by the character just about to receive the news (perhaps skipping the elevator and "traveling" to get to the action). What she notices, and how the mundane is described, can really set the tone, especially if this job loss is a shock.Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69109101133443803642015-03-11T15:20:07.515-04:002015-03-11T15:20:07.515-04:00I think your main character sounds interesting...a...I think your main character sounds interesting...a busy, no-nonsense doctor..I would like to get to the problem more directly. You have lots of details about elevators and chairs and office description...skip these and get directly to the conversation.Dianne Scottnoreply@blogger.com