tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post9085664669571005828..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: May Secret Agent #43Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84184100027052080682015-05-20T21:12:57.067-04:002015-05-20T21:12:57.067-04:00The vision turned me off because I didn't know...The vision turned me off because I didn't know the setting or main character yet. I wasn't even sure if it was a vision or fragmented emotions during a crisis.Jennifer Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00151358290264027095noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9005232753369836982015-05-20T20:22:18.074-04:002015-05-20T20:22:18.074-04:00I think this might work well towards the end of th...I think this might work well towards the end of the chapter. Let us get to know her before she has the vision. Not sure I'd ask my dog about something going on in my head. Best wishes!<br />Tera Hertzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01732290405573279064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-32200307106293819292015-05-20T20:01:49.174-04:002015-05-20T20:01:49.174-04:00To each of you - Thank you for taking the time to ...To each of you - Thank you for taking the time to add your ideas to this story. I am reading and absorbing each thought and suggestion. cindy norrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14097979213743065308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-75782055968675334042015-05-20T20:01:02.256-04:002015-05-20T20:01:02.256-04:00Dear Secret Agent, I appreciate the suggestions. ...Dear Secret Agent, I appreciate the suggestions. This is Josephine's first vision. The women in her family usually have them as very young children. When she did not, she made up stories to compensate for her lack of the family gift. At thirteen, her first vision is not taken seriously by those with whom she shared false visions in the past. This makes it difficult for her until, much later in the story, she is proven correct in what she tells. At that point, her visions become a guidepost for the village. <br />Again, I want to thank you for taking the time to offer advice on The Mountain and the Fountain. I'll work on it.cindy norrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14097979213743065308noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34178884717890433002015-05-20T18:51:01.604-04:002015-05-20T18:51:01.604-04:00You might try this without the vision and then slo...You might try this without the vision and then slowly work in details. Instead of the vision, you could add something about Josephine's emotional state. Is this the first time she's experiencing this kind of vision? Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39700876271857612552015-05-20T15:36:51.955-04:002015-05-20T15:36:51.955-04:00I'm not big on starting anything with a dream,...I'm not big on starting anything with a dream, daydream, vision quest thing. It was jarring and you had a lovely description of the breeze blowing through the window. We don't need drama to begin. We need the MC.Julie Butcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15055134290787317245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19464238035206417552015-05-20T15:34:33.895-04:002015-05-20T15:34:33.895-04:00I'm not sure you need the first segment at all...I'm not sure you need the first segment at all. I think you can just start with Josephine crushing her eyelids together until the moment passes and work the details of the moment into the later sentences.JOPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05338686272937538246noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26089179510890503722015-05-20T13:11:39.245-04:002015-05-20T13:11:39.245-04:00The description in full sentences without all the ...The description in full sentences without all the ... would be more powerful and easier to read. Also, to me the voice sounds older than MG.Sonia Campbellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12481616834374674879noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11851591890418339462015-05-20T12:04:06.957-04:002015-05-20T12:04:06.957-04:00That whole first segment of phrases and elipses - ...That whole first segment of phrases and elipses - I think that would turn off a lot of readers. <br /><br />The idea of "float day" makes me want to read on to see what it is.S.D.Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05707682524268581476noreply@blogger.com