tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post9092989288803172205..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Secret Agent #2Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30348520069852590462019-04-06T20:29:55.609-04:002019-04-06T20:29:55.609-04:00I love the twist here...female Jackie character an...I love the twist here...female Jackie character and sci fi retelling of a fairy tale. MG readers would like this, too. They study fairy tales, folk tales, mythology in 4th grade...so they would be primed for this plot. I think the first sentence is too long for MG. Would suggest you make two sentences out of it. Also some long sentences in par. two that you might want to revise. I was confused at first about Milky Way...as in The Milky Way galaxy vs the spaceship. Had to reread to straighten that out in my mind. Suggest you revise phrase "her baby in danger"...her craft in danger. In par 2 and 3, have references to she and her, but you have introduced Mom, so you have two female characters. Need to change to proper noun for clarification. Love the phrase "holy-haywire" and "Best. Sound. Ever." Very current with MG language. I think this sounds like a very interesting ms that I would want to keep reading.Patricia Nesbitthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02948798791770852929noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6060959647460219892019-04-04T14:13:11.717-04:002019-04-04T14:13:11.717-04:00I'm assuming that this is a Jack in the Beanst...I'm assuming that this is a Jack in the Beanstalk re-telling, and I"m here for it. Jack and the Beanstalk with a female lead in space! I feel like I want to get to Malik's blood-curdling screams a little faster and let's see the plan in action because you can show how the rest of the family treats Milky Way throughout. Or even have Malik do something early on that indicates his disrespect for the ship to give Jackie the impetus to put her plan into action.Mimihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07563157982741560218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42488531618295760442019-04-04T08:53:50.926-04:002019-04-04T08:53:50.926-04:00Great opening! I think you do a great job of creat...Great opening! I think you do a great job of creating tension and showing emotion without telling. Using words like "her insides fluttered" is great. I can't wait to read more!Juliannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12930994565945666199noreply@blogger.com