tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post9161104026679633722..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: July Secret Agent #5Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22811099190776945062013-07-14T09:37:59.330-04:002013-07-14T09:37:59.330-04:00I like Lace and her irritation and needing to hurr...I like Lace and her irritation and needing to hurry but I'm a bit confused by the set up. The marks on her arm and her looking inside and by the end I feel like we're going to be thrown into a flashback. I'd suggest setting up the moment and perhaps even starting at the phrase "Dark as blood" because that really intrigues me. I'd say streamline a bit more and just set up where she is and her being irritated and perhaps add in a character to ramp that up as well.<br /><br />Good luck!Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12823739886038280225noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19454636469454993182013-07-13T13:29:30.045-04:002013-07-13T13:29:30.045-04:00Including book-specific terms in your title can wo...Including book-specific terms in your title can work, but can also be risky. As your reader, not knowing what a “Saerlaith” is puts me at a distance from the story before I start it. <br /><br />I like the time traveler angle, but am otherwise unsure where this is going. It’s difficult to pin down who Lace is, as her feelings are described in a very vague, distant way. Beyond that, make sure any unusual word choices or phrasings really add something to your story – since I wasn’t fully on board with Lace’s character or the world you were describing just yet, the unconventional descriptive elements didn’t quite resonate with me.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4451137122119058072013-07-12T06:35:25.724-04:002013-07-12T06:35:25.724-04:00I was surprised how well you managed to establish ...I was surprised how well you managed to establish a time travelling setting without ever saying so. Still, the beginning could be a little clearer on when they came from. I think the past, but it's not entirely clear.<br /><br />Also, the name in the title is quite a mouthful. ;-)Katharina Gerlachhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00223722392075669331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49257061516020250452013-07-10T21:47:15.422-04:002013-07-10T21:47:15.422-04:00The word choice is interesting, but I agree it lea...The word choice is interesting, but I agree it leaves the reader wondering about the era. Perhaps she is from the past, but has traveled to the present. I personally like the dog bawling. It sets the tone. However, I want to know where she is or why she is there, even in this short snippet. I know it's hard to judge with 250 words, especially when a writer is trying to build a world.<br />Tami Absihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12453569302981232748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77215563389304297112013-07-10T19:20:54.150-04:002013-07-10T19:20:54.150-04:00I liked how you implied time traveling instead of ...I liked how you implied time traveling instead of just telling the reader. There is tension for the main character waiting, but as a reader, I wasn't drawn in because I didn't know the stakes, why what she was doing was so important. I needed a little more background / character information. librarygiraffehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12285483280673807709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29474358158762450952013-07-10T15:31:03.220-04:002013-07-10T15:31:03.220-04:00I'm intrigued by this but I'm not sure it&...I'm intrigued by this but I'm not sure it's set up the best way just yet. I loved the line about the prophecy and could see that working as an opener. Or perhaps the "where are you?" line could come first, then the prophecy line, and then the paragraph explaining the surroundings. It feels like we need to know she is waiting on something mystical first rather than seeing slightly odd phrasing early on without context (since no genre was given I didn't know this was fantasy until I read about the prophecy). <br /><br />I am OK with not knowing what the prophecy is yet as long as the world building continues to give hints along the way, and the character is more fully introduced. I would also suggest having something happen soon rather than her waiting and thinking about the world/plot and explaining to the reader. You can show some of that detail once another character enters or something else happens that will show a bit more rather than the MC thinking/explaining.<br /><br />Overall interesting premise!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27379847132474818222013-07-10T13:31:41.456-04:002013-07-10T13:31:41.456-04:00The opening parg intrigued me. The word 'naug...The opening parg intrigued me. The word 'naught' gave me a sense of long ago, but was immediately followed by street lights which put me in modern times, and then the word era clued me into the fact that we were dealing with time travel. I wanted to read more.<br /><br />Unfortunately, what followed was vague and unclear, and I couldn't figure out if she had come from the past to the future or from the future to the past, or maybe even from a parallel world.<br /><br />I also don't know why they're there. Yes, there was a prophecy, and the world seems to be coming to an end, but that's too generic. Maybe say what the prophecy is, and tell us why the world is coming to an end?<br /><br />Overall, this was just too vague and unclear to hold me. <br /><br />Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68707429836531690172013-07-10T11:39:44.367-04:002013-07-10T11:39:44.367-04:00This sample feels intentionally different, but I&#...This sample feels intentionally different, but I'm not sure I connected to the voice of this character. I found myself wondering, "Can a dog bawl?"<br /><br />Also, I wish there was a genre with this piece so I knew a little more about what type of story to expect.<br /><br />Good luck in the contest!Melissa Gorzelanczykhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04949628097688877510noreply@blogger.com