tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post997237921761095480..comments2024-03-19T03:20:39.801-04:00Comments on Authoress: Talkin' Heads #14Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74263213805103143562016-10-17T00:53:19.761-04:002016-10-17T00:53:19.761-04:00Hello, I'm here to introduce someone to you al...Hello, I'm here to introduce someone to you all, his name is Dr.Ekpen Temple a spell caster that help me restored my broken relationship, I saw an article on the Internet someone talking about him how he help her in her relationship, today I'm a beneficial of that article, so that is why I'm also talking about how he has helped me so that someone out there that is facing the same challenge can also contact him for help. Here is DR EKPEN TEMPLE contact info: (ekpentemple@gmail.com) or on Whatsapp number 2347050270218.Gloryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11125928389426370946noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17833208944780350582016-09-24T15:37:28.524-04:002016-09-24T15:37:28.524-04:00This dialogue is effortless to read and I really e...This dialogue is effortless to read and I really enjoyed reading this excerpt. I have to say, though, that I wanted a stronger sense of relief from the mom after her child's sudden reappearance. I get the since that this sort of thing happens all the time. But if that's not the case, you need to show us how mom feels about having her daughter back.Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19911061105476742292016-09-24T10:33:44.041-04:002016-09-24T10:33:44.041-04:00Adorable! I love the mom-daughter interplay. Belie...Adorable! I love the mom-daughter interplay. Believable and charming.<br /><br />He'd be very nice. I know he would –sounds too mature—maybe, He'd be very nice. I know it.<br /><br />If the mom were panicked and searching for a long time, mom would be more upset with the daughter. If it's just a minute or two (which can seems like an eternity when someone is missing) she would still say something to ease her own stress. I suggest moving the "Tassali, I told you. No going invisible in the castle" up. It would be the first thing out of her mouth, then telling kiddo to sit and eat.H. R. Sinclairhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06715450637785127208noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53061946536104353022016-09-23T19:11:21.466-04:002016-09-23T19:11:21.466-04:00Hi
I like the rapid little bits from the girl, bu...Hi<br /><br />I like the rapid little bits from the girl, but I wonder why the narrative so seldom refers to her by name. Why is she 'the little girl'?<br /><br />It makes me feel that you want the reader kept distant.<br /><br />And 'crouched down so she was eye level' could be 'crouched down to be eye level'ikmarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211122590810154080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4251905447321920972016-09-22T15:14:27.628-04:002016-09-22T15:14:27.628-04:00You have nice pacing, and it is unique and moves t...You have nice pacing, and it is unique and moves the story along. The last line the little girl says strikes me as a little older than 5? But this is a very good excerpt. Good job!januaryjnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48810154263965975222016-09-22T14:29:47.840-04:002016-09-22T14:29:47.840-04:00This is certainly fantasy dialog, and it does prop...This is certainly fantasy dialog, and it does propel the story forward. <br /><br />As for realism, the mothers I know what say something scolding after being in a panic, especially if the child disobeyed a rule. Also, underlines aren't used nowadays, so the Please would be in italics. <br /><br />Since we already know she is a little girl, you could write, "The blonde curls quivered . . . ." <br /><br />Overall, this is good dialog. Mark Muratahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03562597698193306363noreply@blogger.com