tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1397258794096357545..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: Are You Hooked? Middle Grade #8Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77323075281851777042016-04-30T11:24:16.637-04:002016-04-30T11:24:16.637-04:00I think this is a fun premise - his mouth tickles ...I think this is a fun premise - his mouth tickles when people are talking about him - at least that is what I got...<br /><br />The "clucked, coughed, gagged and grimaced" sort of pulled me out of the story for a second - maybe more than is needed.<br /><br />I would keep reading.S.D.Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05707682524268581476noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64943923210771955942016-04-28T22:50:36.003-04:002016-04-28T22:50:36.003-04:00I think you've found your MG voice. All the de...I think you've found your MG voice. All the descriptions of the tickle and it moving around and motivating him seemed real to me. When I read the first sentence though I thought should the author start with a cliche? But I think it works because you build on it. I'm very intrigued and would definitely keep reading.<br /><br />I agree the logline needs some work. I don't think big brother is good. Find another descriptor for him. You talk about the little brother later so that would automatically make him a big brother. <br /><br />I love your story! More, more!Michele Helselhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04414485839984643779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65427932590452954532016-04-28T22:50:29.636-04:002016-04-28T22:50:29.636-04:00I think you've found your MG voice. All the de...I think you've found your MG voice. All the descriptions of the tickle and it moving around and motivating him seemed real to me. When I read the first sentence though I thought should the author start with a cliche? But I think it works because you build on it. I'm very intrigued and would definitely keep reading.<br /><br />I agree the logline needs some work. I don't think big brother is good. Find another descriptor for him. You talk about the little brother later so that would automatically make him a big brother. <br /><br />I love your story! More, more!Michele Helselhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04414485839984643779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30037160325832575842016-04-28T22:50:01.503-04:002016-04-28T22:50:01.503-04:00Sorry to be a downer, but
I think your tag line s...Sorry to be a downer, but<br /><br />I think your tag line should touch of the magic. There is little to make the idea seem original right now.<br /><br />And the start doesn't pull me in. It's like he's got a hairball or something. I'm not interested. Get him interacting. Have a cute girl/guy notice and comment. Have him doing something active. A secret conversation doesn't create tension. It could be a dozen minor things.<br /><br />The voice is good, but my dislike of the narrative stops me from becoming immersed in it.ikmarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211122590810154080noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50362699390910115872016-04-28T11:39:28.100-04:002016-04-28T11:39:28.100-04:00The MG voice feels very real and engaging. I love ...The MG voice feels very real and engaging. I love the link between his tickling-mouth-sensation and secrets. It's just enough magic to get the reader hooked, yet allow for the reader to discover Joshua's powers along with him. Reminds me of Harry Potter in that way. <br /><br />My only critique is that the logline doesn't have the same oomph as the actual story. Fortunately, you'll have the chance to flesh that out a bit more in a query.Mama Chainoreply@blogger.com