tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1510954282987795374..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: #59 YA Sci-Fi: LoopAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12473512268280185562011-12-14T17:18:53.468-05:002011-12-14T17:18:53.468-05:00#59 LOOP
Logline: The phrase “a History midterm t...#59 LOOP<br /><br />Logline: The phrase “a History midterm to the distant past” was quite confusing to me. Is the test really about History, or about time travel? Maybe the concept is clear in the manuscript, but not quite here. I’m intrigued with the layers I can see are going to be at play here – the future version of Bree that she doesn’t know but the boy from the past does… could be lovely. <br /><br />Line notes: The slanginess (see “craptastic”and “Valley Freakin’ Forge”) in this sample just isn’t working for me. I feel like a girl from the 23rd Century would sound different than a girl of the early 21st. And especially when the setting is potentially the 19th Century, it feels even more out of place, in my view. <br /><br />Overall: The sample here isn’t quite clicking for me, though I have high hopes for the concept. For example, “Where was I?” isn’t really the question in para 3 – shouldn’t it be WHEN was I? I hope the world’s realities are pervasive in the character’s awareness, voice, etc. I’d keep reading in hopes of finding the moment where it comes together.<br /><br />Best of success.Sarah Shumwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18241110372281920996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-76986991812673470362011-12-06T12:36:02.829-05:002011-12-06T12:36:02.829-05:00Congrats to the Author!Congrats to the Author!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48322046216109401272011-12-06T11:20:07.902-05:002011-12-06T11:20:07.902-05:00Woohoo!Woohoo!Sarah LaPollanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60455885007086287002011-12-06T11:18:27.743-05:002011-12-06T11:18:27.743-05:00I maintain that as a "tie breaker," I WI...I maintain that as a "tie breaker," I WIN! ;)<br /><br />Congrats, Sarah!Victoria Marininoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21600783080126384242011-12-06T11:16:22.561-05:002011-12-06T11:16:22.561-05:00LOL You win because you showed up first in the com...LOL You win because you showed up first in the comment box!Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34838853825768438262011-12-06T11:13:59.245-05:002011-12-06T11:13:59.245-05:00Ah!! Who wins?? Same exact timestamp!
(I win for...Ah!! Who wins?? Same exact timestamp! <br /><br />(I win for asking this question, right?)Sarah LaPollanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-48324978984891247532011-12-06T11:12:27.463-05:002011-12-06T11:12:27.463-05:00BIDDING ON THIS ITEM IS NOW CLOSED!BIDDING ON THIS ITEM IS NOW CLOSED!Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11489713271498916372011-12-06T11:09:53.438-05:002011-12-06T11:09:53.438-05:00Full!Full!Tamar Rydzinskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10257464963703099847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5795189785182296692011-12-06T11:09:45.336-05:002011-12-06T11:09:45.336-05:00Full!Full!Sarah LaPollanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30475349469380154652011-12-06T11:09:14.690-05:002011-12-06T11:09:14.690-05:00150 pages!150 pages!Sarah LaPollanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91768156299526570322011-12-06T11:09:04.491-05:002011-12-06T11:09:04.491-05:0075 pages75 pagesVictoria Marininoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21591489253579966952011-12-06T11:08:55.234-05:002011-12-06T11:08:55.234-05:0070 pages.70 pages.Sarah Daviesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33639786531668323952011-12-06T11:07:33.525-05:002011-12-06T11:07:33.525-05:0050 pages50 pagesVictoria Marininoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42661905266350140702011-12-06T11:07:13.029-05:002011-12-06T11:07:13.029-05:0050 pages.50 pages.Sarah LaPollanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5577699653844906142011-12-06T11:05:43.197-05:002011-12-06T11:05:43.197-05:0020 pages.20 pages.Lauren MacLeodhttp://www.strothmanagency.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-17805066801327234242011-12-06T10:17:21.230-05:002011-12-06T10:17:21.230-05:00I've had the opportunity to read a bit more of...I've had the opportunity to read a bit more of this than the 250, and I'm so excited to see it here! This may be a 'time travel' book, but it's def fresh and unique. <br /><br />Best of luck in the auction today!Editor Cassandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09575298681582664196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44628257741651535992011-12-06T01:18:11.503-05:002011-12-06T01:18:11.503-05:00Fantastic opening paragraph. Perfect and I'm h...Fantastic opening paragraph. Perfect and I'm hooked just like that.<br /><br />This is really nice writing and I love her annoyance at missing the target by a few centuries. Very cool! I'm surprised that Wyck is in control of that, though, if this is her History midterm, but I love that her midterm involves actually going back in time.<br /><br />The logline confuses me a little. So he's in love with a future her that has visited him before? That sounds reminiscent of Hourglass. Has he met her twice then? Does he recognize her on her first trip to the past? Sometimes time travel hurts my head. I overthink it.<br /><br />Loved the dead cat line, but would teens in the 23rd century still be using craptastic? I don't think the slang adds anything here. Same with the "Pull yourself together, woman." It didn't seem to have the same tone as everything else. (I assume it was meant to be in italics?)<br /><br />Love this and would read more.Amanda Sunnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-31336656805265593622011-12-05T23:06:39.812-05:002011-12-05T23:06:39.812-05:00I would certainly want to read this. I've atte...I would certainly want to read this. I've attempted my own hand at writing time-travel, but I haven't been able to get that type of writing to work for me. The log-line and exceprt together certainly make me want to read more.<br /><br />My two cents: Typically central characters of YA are in their teens, maybe 20. I'm over the 20-mark, and I still don't call myself 'woman'. Usually, I don't refer to myself by any pronoun, so it sounds a bit odd knowing that she's young.<br /><br />Also, perhaps change the word craptastic - perhaps compaire her needing to pass the test to something that is more relatable to audiences of all ages - like needing to breathe or something.<br /><br />Overall, I think that this is very good, and I would like to read futher.Laurennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41682846116312075712011-12-05T21:41:48.040-05:002011-12-05T21:41:48.040-05:00I totally remember this from Writeoncon and the on...I totally remember this from Writeoncon and the only thing I don't like about it is that its presence here means you haven't found an agent yet. Hopefully that's about to change!<br /><br />Honestly, I love this premise and your voice - the ONLY suggestion I might make is if anything, dial your voice down just the TINIEST bit. It leaps off the page, and abounds with awesomeness, and I almost wonder if in larger doses (ie partials or a full manuscript) if its maybe a little overwhelming. If that makes sense? I dunno. Its hard to critique awesomeness.Kalen O'Donnellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02131133469192904315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14097059109598628942011-12-05T12:25:06.570-05:002011-12-05T12:25:06.570-05:00I loved this. Loved it. I'm sure you will get ...I loved this. Loved it. I'm sure you will get some tasty bids for sure!<br /><br />I'm thinking the boy that's in love with Bree's future self means that she must go on to do something that makes her famous? Otherwise, I'm lost on that point. You might want to clarify.<br /><br />This is such a great example of how to start in the middle of the action. So many stories that begin that way focus too much on the action itself, neglecting character development and stakes. But you've done all that beautifully here. You've completely hooked me and I'm usually not a reader of this genre. Looking forward to reading this in print. <br /><br />Best of luck!Tracy Holczerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13626923883424982455noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6191509011215196452011-12-05T12:07:39.060-05:002011-12-05T12:07:39.060-05:00My only issue is the title - which means nothing i...My only issue is the title - which means nothing in the grand scheme - but I don't see how it ties in with the logline? It's also not very interesting, and your excerpt is waaay interesting (love it!). Just my thoughts on this excellent entry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37823491316995449462011-12-04T14:06:29.301-05:002011-12-04T14:06:29.301-05:00The fact that the history midterm was a time-trave...The fact that the history midterm was a time-travelling test threw me. I kept trying to mentally reword the sentence so that she botched a normal pen and paper exam by travelling to the distant past. However, since no-one else seemed to have this problem I think it's safe to assume it's my problem and not yours! The rest of the logline was fine, an interesting twist on accidentally bringing someone along during time travel. <br /><br />The excerpt was fantastic: the in media res start, the sensory details, and instant conflict (holy crap, is she going to get shot? How's she going to explain her sudden appearance?). Also love the voice. The 'pull yourself together, woman' bit made me smile.Sophiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17926811798176739307noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33821280466138408262011-12-03T23:39:46.562-05:002011-12-03T23:39:46.562-05:00The logline was a *wee* bit overly complicated for...The logline was a *wee* bit overly complicated for me, but you totally hooked me with the first page. Great job!<br /><br />Good Luck!!MarcyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08303670174583471227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30851389897733913422011-12-03T14:56:50.693-05:002011-12-03T14:56:50.693-05:00Great voice. Action packed opening. Would definite...Great voice. Action packed opening. Would definitely keep reading.Anita Saxenahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12444339735834716979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37971738203627459712011-12-03T12:05:52.461-05:002011-12-03T12:05:52.461-05:00My favorite of all the entries. Funny, well-writte...My favorite of all the entries. Funny, well-written, and time-traveling...who could ask for more? I will be buying your novel when it hits the shelves! Good luck! I'll be rooting for you from my computer screen!the silent hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09971078779660392923noreply@blogger.com