tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1534271911133005998..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: March Secret Agent Contest #23Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-59265705630093858962018-03-08T16:11:52.219-05:002018-03-08T16:11:52.219-05:00This is really striking. A unique character (I did...This is really striking. A unique character (I didn’t know about the mortuary unit!) and really vivid and poignant mise en scene. I too had a slight bit of confusion of whether our protagonist was standing and observing the chow line or not, but otherwise, really strong writing.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68802763855442394012018-03-07T14:53:05.276-05:002018-03-07T14:53:05.276-05:00Not knowing much about military affairs, I enjoyed...Not knowing much about military affairs, I enjoyed a different twist on the MC working for the Mortuary Affairs Unit. Can't say I've read a military story with one of those in it!<br /><br />I with say, though, that I was confused by the MC under the plastic. I guess my question is...why? Perhaps you get to why later on, but I would agree with shortening a bit of this paragraph in order to get to the third one. You have some very lovely details in there that really set the tone.Mary Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09429769115085903305noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19888099278019691632018-03-07T14:25:43.545-05:002018-03-07T14:25:43.545-05:00You have a lot of wonderful details that draw the ...You have a lot of wonderful details that draw the reader into your story. I'm not sure if I missed the link between the opening paragraph and the the next two? While I thought they were both well written and highlighted with compelling specific details that drew me into your story, I was confused. it seemed one minute the character was waiting and watching the chow line and the next they were laying on a morgue table. Okay, after rereading, I get that that's where they are while they wait. Awww. I would suggest making that a bit more clear. Took me three reads to get there. Good luck!Lisa B.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63650019231748348992018-03-07T13:05:55.484-05:002018-03-07T13:05:55.484-05:00I think this is great. The second sentence is a su...I think this is great. The second sentence is a surprise and hooks me with its strangeness and morbidity. Then the third sentence adds humor to the shock of having a mortuary worker as the main character. Nice juxtaposition.<br /><br />I think I'd cut a little from paragraph 2 to get to paragraph 3 faster. Paragraph 3 contains wonderful, if awful, details.<br /><br />I'd definitely read on. NoodleSoupnoreply@blogger.com