tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1609915085444960944..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: Grab My Heart #24Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46002990676120428682019-01-31T11:48:41.928-05:002019-01-31T11:48:41.928-05:00INSTEAD OF GETTING A LOAN,, I GOT SOMETHING NEW
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The line "she discovers he's alive" confused me, though, because it sounded like she had already met the guy, just thought he had been killed somehow. <br /><br />Minor note: When you said, "A woman with a baby," it sounded like a third woman was there, but I'm pretty sure you just meant there were two. <br /><br />I like how you place us in the setting right away, and let us know Tab's desire to find love right away. (I'd be careful, though, as she could come off as whiny if she has lines like that rally frequently.) <br /><br />Best of luck!Katrina S. Foresthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00782678919561852444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70812637731248453292018-07-18T20:31:53.166-04:002018-07-18T20:31:53.166-04:00The writing does a great job making the main chara...The writing does a great job making the main character relatable quickly, especially with a motivation well-suited for the age and genre.<br /><br />This is arbitrary, but the opening line doesn't have much of a hook by itself or provide much detail. It might be worth combining it with the second or third sentence to emphasize the women or baby since they're the character's focus moreso than the setting and time.ETSmithhttps://twitter.com/eltsmithnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77960618428772358142018-07-18T19:47:34.943-04:002018-07-18T19:47:34.943-04:00I like the pitch. I have to admit the Detroit gara...I like the pitch. I have to admit the Detroit garage part grabbed me! The beginning bounced between her interest in the baby, the loving couple and Tia needing the bins filled. I think in the very beginning you may want to stick with one of them to focus on as you unravel the roadblock. I detected hints of humor that I would look forward to ready more of!<br /><br />Screen name-Shelley ShelleyJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14099420488640174252noreply@blogger.com