tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1660743649264128068..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 44 Query ContestAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36085877085566917092009-08-03T00:47:06.507-04:002009-08-03T00:47:06.507-04:00Not hooked. The first paragraph leaves me confused...Not hooked. The first paragraph leaves me confused. It doesn't read like a query.<br /><br />Why would she kiss him if she's going to leave him? Where did the strange land come in? Why would she open her heart when she's so vulnerable? Seems like that'd be the time to armor up.<br /><br />Is Drake Taylor the second chance guy whose relationship with her is doomed? The sentence that hints at sexy parts don't indicated doomedness. Who is the other woman he agrees to meet? This is the first time the query mentions her. <br /><br />This query needs to be rewritten and focused. Remember, the agent isn't in your head. This needs to be written for someone who has *no idea* what your book is about.Jodi Meadowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11796496740054225283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-462206986515981492009-08-01T11:45:11.449-04:002009-08-01T11:45:11.449-04:00When I couldn't figure out why she's leavi...When I couldn't figure out why she's leaving, I stopped reading.<br />Give us at least a hint of what happened or it doesn't seem realistic.youngadultwriternoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-29564053280668978982009-07-30T20:09:19.134-04:002009-07-30T20:09:19.134-04:00Honestly, I had a hard time getting past the phras...Honestly, I had a hard time getting past the phrase "a personal journey of strength, pluck, and adventure portrayed by a captivating fictional cast." Especially the "captivating" part. Anytime the author starts telling me what to think about his or her book, I figure that's because I won't be able to figure it out myself.<br /><br />Your synopsis is too detailed. We don't need to know the entire story right now; pick the main plot arc and go with that, but stop (pretty far) short of the climax even with that storyline. Set up the conflict, then let the agent be so excited to discover how you resolve it that he or she has to request the manuscript.<br /><br />Finally, I would ax the last sentence. You're never going to hear back from a decent percentage of the agents you query, and even if you do, they're not going to give you guidance or expertise (sometimes not even if they request your entire manuscript).Krista Van Dolzerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08830193414560232842noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-84792097830025937172009-07-30T15:50:03.414-04:002009-07-30T15:50:03.414-04:00Not hooked. Tighten query. Include some bio info...Not hooked. Tighten query. Include some bio info on yourself. Find a way to put your personality into the query.<br /><br />Sorry, I did not read the 250.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16378022221964553484noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87740395011327012062009-07-30T06:24:34.231-04:002009-07-30T06:24:34.231-04:00Not hooked. I didn't get past the first paragr...Not hooked. I didn't get past the first paragraph. I felt like it was switching between a query and the actual novel. And the sentence structure threw me off as well.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26287496635374374252009-07-29T16:52:55.829-04:002009-07-29T16:52:55.829-04:00Sorry, not hooked. The query makes it sound like B...Sorry, not hooked. The query makes it sound like Ben is dead and Morgan may be responsible or at least glad to be free of him. The "waking up in a foreign land" bit doesn't seem to connect to anything. She walks out of the room into another relationship, and yet the partial begins with a plane crash and she's hoping Ben is alive??? It's very, very confusing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73242053873666688322009-07-29T16:32:10.420-04:002009-07-29T16:32:10.420-04:00Not hooked. I didn't like the sentence "T...Not hooked. I didn't like the sentence "This is a personal journey..." It doesn't really tell us much about the book. Still, I gave it a chance and finished that paragraph, but then when she wakes up in a foreign land, I was thoroughly confused.brimfirehttp://brimfire.livejournal.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56219520154798190072009-07-29T15:33:14.184-04:002009-07-29T15:33:14.184-04:00Like the others, not hooked.
"captivating fi...Like the others, not hooked.<br /><br />"captivating fictional cast" sounds show-offy and presumptuous. <br /><br />What made Morgan's world "stripped bare?"<br /><br />Is the foreign world literal or a metaphor?<br /><br />The query reads short and choppy...and confusing. Tell me the conflict, show me what sets this apart from others. Cut the fluff and fancy writing (The love doomed from the start...). <br /><br />Also: you mention "a touch of humor, a splash of comedy...lots of sass" but that doesn't exist *at all* in the query. The query is dark and depressing: dead husband. doomed love, other woman. Where's the funny?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79400017853167892922009-07-29T15:20:33.755-04:002009-07-29T15:20:33.755-04:00The second sentence of the query should go, it'...The second sentence of the query should go, it's really a turn-off. I didn't understand what was going on--is the change paranormal or a change in feelings? <br /><br />Overall, you are trying way too hard to impress. Tell what it's about keeping the hype down. I glanced at your snippet, and it's also overdone, way too purple. I don't think I could survive in that intense a POV.Steliosnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40767560790968645162009-07-29T15:16:27.256-04:002009-07-29T15:16:27.256-04:00Query - I'm sorry this doesn't work for me...Query - I'm sorry this doesn't work for me.<br /><br />When I read the snippet, I could see her husband was dead... but the query didn't convey that. I thought she just left him.Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60319219587940292912009-07-29T13:40:56.122-04:002009-07-29T13:40:56.122-04:00This query confused me a bit. I saw contemporary r...This query confused me a bit. I saw contemporary romance, but after I few sentences I thought I was reading a romantic suspence with the sentence, "Waking up in a foreign land, she didn't speak the language." Leave out the information that this is your first novel. They don't need to know that.Shawntelle Madisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14354674485904395514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38845039867097567852009-07-29T13:37:35.061-04:002009-07-29T13:37:35.061-04:00Too many unanswered questions, very confusing too....Too many unanswered questions, very confusing too.<br /><br />I think it was way TMI for a query, and it didn'y explain issues at all. Very lost.<br /><br />Also, a few puncuation errors.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-26119825112734702182009-07-29T12:04:49.429-04:002009-07-29T12:04:49.429-04:00Morgan Reynolds found her world stripped bare in t...Morgan Reynolds found her world stripped bare in twenty-four days. WHY???<br />She slipped Ben’s wedding ring off. WHY???? No longer the same person, WHY??? she leaned over and kissed him, then turned and walked out of the room, not looking back. Waking up in a foreign land, WHERE??? she didn’t speak the language. The part of him that was part of her was gone. EH???? Only questions that had no answers remained. YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN... Death, guilt, passion, sex, and deceit challenge Morgan’s future. CIOMPLETELY CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT@S GOING ON...<br /><br />Vulnerable and alone she opens her heart to second chance love. The love doomed from the start by a master manipulating man WHO???? WHY???sparked Morgan’s fury. THIS IS A REALLY ODD SENTENCE Trapped in the wake of a killer hurricane with no means of escape Drake Taylor's WHO HE????touch ignites a liquid fervor A WHAT????her body can’t deny. Linked by the passionate sensual fire he awakened in her she challenges his womanizing. She becomes her own rival HOW????in her quest to settle the score of a broken heart.<br /><br /><br />Sorry to use horrible shouty capitals,but I'm baffled so far..and where do the 250 words comefrom? Chapter 1? Chapter 20?Keren Davidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13121027210783177857noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81528839486503479892009-07-29T11:44:06.857-04:002009-07-29T11:44:06.857-04:00Not hooked, but just my opinion. Some of the writi...Not hooked, but just my opinion. Some of the writing is repetitive ('the part of him that was a part of her' stops me, as does 'the game of love is a spine-tingling game). Some parts are confusing. Like in paragraph one, do you mean she really wakes up in a foreign land or is this a metaphor? Also who is the other woman in paragraph three? I might not ask for guidance and support in the final paragraph as you do. It doesn't come across as confident.Courtney Abruzzohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09863947983523888169noreply@blogger.com