tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1774320705486206495..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: (36) YA SF: Ultraviolet CatastropheAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65177671758120024932012-12-04T13:58:10.486-05:002012-12-04T13:58:10.486-05:00BIDDING ON THIS ITEM IS NOW CLOSED.BIDDING ON THIS ITEM IS NOW CLOSED.Authoresshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12412790660412210542012-12-04T13:12:24.490-05:002012-12-04T13:12:24.490-05:00Full!Full!Tamar Rydzinskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10257464963703099847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-83642279535537283832012-12-04T13:12:19.340-05:002012-12-04T13:12:19.340-05:00150 150 Tamar Rydzinskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10257464963703099847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65331285488558227472012-12-04T12:42:30.096-05:002012-12-04T12:42:30.096-05:0095 pages.95 pages.Lauren MacLeod (Strothman Agency)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55580565446303920302012-12-04T11:07:32.940-05:002012-12-04T11:07:32.940-05:0075 pages75 pagesTamar Rydzinskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10257464963703099847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46035694745581615142012-12-04T11:06:56.646-05:002012-12-04T11:06:56.646-05:0050 pages.50 pages.Lauren MacLeod (Strothman Agency)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65166803852455914822012-12-04T11:05:58.233-05:002012-12-04T11:05:58.233-05:0020 pages!20 pages!Tamar Rydzinskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10257464963703099847noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-53300428685672798392012-12-03T14:50:45.067-05:002012-12-03T14:50:45.067-05:00Wormhole is a definite hook for a SF geek like me....Wormhole is a definite hook for a SF geek like me. But the logline sounds more MG to me, for some reason. Might just be me. <br /><br />Agree with others that we're not getting much of a sense of Lexie here. I do like the first line, but I think following that up a scene that gives a stronger sense of who Lexie is prior to her mom freaking out would make this stronger. Even just a few lines of dialogue between her and her mom before the news story comes on, on something Lexie has a strong opinion about. Margo Berendsenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03476308235642890474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88378481466848800012012-12-03T10:51:42.026-05:002012-12-03T10:51:42.026-05:00I would drop "frown" and start moving he...I would drop "frown" and start moving her toward the paper towels. She can rush over after the "what's going on" line. <br /><br />I write time travel, so I'm down for anything with this premise. Love the idea that it's sci fi. Are her classmates also prodigies? <br /><br />The jaw dropping line confused me, too. I'm assuming it's because her mom doesn't usually talk to her dad? <br /><br />More, please!Myra McEntirehttp://myramcentire.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-39493479400132584882012-12-02T22:04:48.249-05:002012-12-02T22:04:48.249-05:00Love the contrast here--the ordinariness of the la...Love the contrast here--the ordinariness of the lasagna on the table and chopping tomatoes versus the news story that will be the catalyst (I'm assuming) for the novel. <br /><br />I'm wondering if Lexie has any inkling at all what her mom's reaction is about. If so, I'd definitely give a hint about it.<br /><br />Nice job!!Tessanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65303599517821171422012-12-02T17:14:04.289-05:002012-12-02T17:14:04.289-05:00I like the tension in this opening. I agree with t...I like the tension in this opening. I agree with the others on Lexie's reaction--it seems like she'd rush over with the paper towels. <br /><br />I'd keep reading. Good luck!Stephscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06328839483008086049noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42129485106506627312012-12-02T13:42:52.363-05:002012-12-02T13:42:52.363-05:00I like how you mirror the explosion of the facilit...I like how you mirror the explosion of the facility with the crash of Mom dropping the glass. Still, something I lacking in Lexie’s reaction. Her mom is clearly far from okay, yet all she does is frown?<br /><br />I also feel that I have no sense of Lexie in these opening lines. Certainly not that she’s a science prodigy, although you have plenty of time for that. But if she’s paying attention to the news, as her mom is, I’d think given your description of her in the logline, that your main character would have more of a reaction. Is there a connection in this report that’s significant to Lexie’s mom and dad, but that she knows nothing of? I’d understand, then, how much more emotive her mother might be than Lexie is, and obviously there’s room for that to grow beyond these paragraphs. I don’t know why Lexie’s jaw suddenly drops at the end of this sample, and perhaps that, too, is explained further on. But it doesn’t quite sit right with me.<br /><br />If I was editing this manuscript, I’d slash that opening line. It’s your tool to immediately create tension, yes, but I feel like it’s a bit of a parlor trick. I’d rather your narrative do the work.<br /><br />The premise of your novel sounds intriguing, but I feel it’s entirely disconnected from this sample, and I don’t feel captured quite yet.Alison Weissnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41612504012129981202012-12-02T10:35:36.081-05:002012-12-02T10:35:36.081-05:00You've got high stakes here, and the writing i...You've got high stakes here, and the writing is strong. My only critique is that I can't quite see how Lexie is going to become involved yet. I'd like at least a hint that she's a science prodigy here. How does that affect how she hears this story? We really don't get any sense of her, other than she typically eats lasagna on Thursday. I need a little more to become invested in the character and her story at this point.Shannon Schurenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03058507888547956144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-85715436599175302532012-11-30T16:12:45.090-05:002012-11-30T16:12:45.090-05:00I love your first line. Love it. Actually, I love ...I love your first line. Love it. Actually, I love the whole first 250. Left me wanting to find out what happens next. Good luck! Wish I could read more!!Laurie Litwinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24567146445258476722012-11-30T15:45:18.443-05:002012-11-30T15:45:18.443-05:00Intriguing plot, and I like the the line, ".....Intriguing plot, and I like the the line, "...but Mom stared at the television, her face as white as the spilled milk." Maybe have Lexie a little more concerned about her mom's behavior, though, since her mom did drop a glass of milk. I would do more than frown.Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07367726929220332435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-69907070098924803852012-11-30T13:44:50.010-05:002012-11-30T13:44:50.010-05:00This is a great opening! I want to know what happ...This is a great opening! I want to know what happens next and what the MC's parents are up to. <br /><br />I wonder if you couldn't punch up the first line a bit? <br /><br />And science prodigy? Love this!! Best of luck. :)gailecnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08004265486129312885noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68459206165028437022012-11-30T10:54:21.012-05:002012-11-30T10:54:21.012-05:00I love the premise, and way to bring the tension r...I love the premise, and way to bring the tension right away in those first 250. <br /><br />The shortness of the news story didn't bother me (I'm a journalist and sometimes they're short!), and your descriptions are really lovely.<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06445748005510936697noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68639983640670308872012-11-30T09:07:53.946-05:002012-11-30T09:07:53.946-05:00I like this, but for some reason the news story fe...I like this, but for some reason the news story felt too short to be realistic. Now, I'm not saying you should lengthen it, but I would have been more convinced if the story had continued going on with more detail but the mother walked away to call the father anyway.Chrohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07768990128419496674noreply@blogger.com