tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1793300733310747181..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: October Secret Agent #5Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55633592975933725762012-10-26T07:18:49.748-04:002012-10-26T07:18:49.748-04:00The part that intrigued, and I confess, confused m...The part that intrigued, and I confess, confused me was the "blond curls" that kept showing up. I feel like that is an important part of the story, but it seemed out of place in the first paragraph. <br /><br />I like the part where Patty tucks her hair back and Livy wants to hide behind her hair again. Good image.<br /><br />You write well about a funeral and the feelings that they invoke. I do feel for Livy, and I'm curious to see what argument she had with her mom.Suzanne R. Kleinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00253505336555048796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-50967427508118754962012-10-25T16:39:14.580-04:002012-10-25T16:39:14.580-04:00The first paragraph led me to believe the funeral ...The first paragraph led me to believe the funeral was over, but then the MC is sitting in a funeral home. I'd scratch the first paragraph and start at "I sat on the loveseat..."<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03254595113817870478noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-37524962794589304472012-10-24T22:26:13.918-04:002012-10-24T22:26:13.918-04:00Verb Police have been dispatched! Establishing se...Verb Police have been dispatched! Establishing setting and time is crucial in the first few paragraphs.Natashahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18264950947187090559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46092170221834284912012-10-24T20:42:41.421-04:002012-10-24T20:42:41.421-04:00"I'd take crazy over this nightmare any d..."I'd take crazy over this nightmare any day" deserves to be higher I think. There's not anything in here to indicate that this is sci-fi other than your genre label, so that would be something to consider.Heatherhttp://themysteryofwriting.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34687312025085852502012-10-24T13:36:52.330-04:002012-10-24T13:36:52.330-04:00When I read the opening line, it seemed like this ...When I read the opening line, it seemed like this was looking back on the past, as in her mother died several years before, so I was surprised to see it was a few days. Mainly in the way it's phrased, I'd say.<br /><br />Also, there's nothing here that stands out to me. It could be any number of stories about a girl who lost her mom. It's missing a spark that would grab my attention and clutch onto it for a good long while. Not that I'm suggesting a catchy opening line or gimmick to draw in readers, but this just doesn't have that undefinable quality that would keep me reading.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.com