tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1907119334556497427..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: August Secret Agent #9Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-92174950165798594112010-08-20T17:00:10.230-04:002010-08-20T17:00:10.230-04:00loved the title.
i wasn't sure whose house she...loved the title.<br />i wasn't sure whose house she was at either, until i went through it.angela robbinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07114119913653244467noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34259551236669022902010-08-19T16:09:49.239-04:002010-08-19T16:09:49.239-04:00I really enjoyed this but personally wasn't a ...I really enjoyed this but personally wasn't a fan of the first line. I liked the second question much better - but agree with someone above that I wasn't sure if your MC was the mother or daughter. How about mother-induced anxiety?<br /><br />I also was a little unclear where Job and Agnes were when the conversation took place. I also wondered if you needed the second rhetorical question: "This is me we're talking about - right?" I'd drop the right and make it a statement. And instead of using 'you're' in the next sentence, I think it would work better as<br />"Not any of the duaghters she's proud of..." That would keep us firmly in POV.<br /><br />I like the inclusion of the origin of her name. Nice touch and sounded very natural, although I'm not yet sure whether chastity and gardening are in direct opposition to Agnes' true character?<br /><br />I like the cynicism Agnes is feeling and would definitely keep on reading :)Karen Collumhttp://www.karencollum.com.aunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-614430045570747352010-08-19T14:39:00.129-04:002010-08-19T14:39:00.129-04:00This...is...AWESOME! There is a little room for sm...This...is...AWESOME! There is a little room for smoothing, editing etc., but this is really, really good. And the names are awesome. I would love to read more of this.Kathleen@so much to say, so little timehttp://www.kathleenbasi.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7987707108709097382010-08-19T09:06:35.682-04:002010-08-19T09:06:35.682-04:00Chazley, I cannot agree! I think 'patron sain...Chazley, I cannot agree! I think 'patron saint of both chastity and gardners' is priceless! It's a pefect mirror image of this character and the conflicts within. IMHO, changing it would be a mistake.Peazynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-18340470178494842952010-08-19T02:48:52.697-04:002010-08-19T02:48:52.697-04:00Fantastic! So funny, and so much like real life it...Fantastic! So funny, and so much like real life it's almost painful. And the title is wonderful, too.<br /><br />My one critique: "patron saint of both chastity and gardeners." I think the statement about how her name affects her would be stronger if you left out the gardeners, unless it's important to the story. "That's what you get when you name your kid after the patron saint of chastity" would make a really memorable line.Chazley Dotsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13155913674944995196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55987852585221175762010-08-19T02:40:56.130-04:002010-08-19T02:40:56.130-04:00I really liked the sense of humor in this piece. ...I really liked the sense of humor in this piece. Loved the voice too. And nearly any story about a nutty family and the nuances of the relationship within is interesting to me. And if I've any unanswered questions here, I trust that you're going to get to the answers in good time. Loved it. Thanks.Peazynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52128703735625617162010-08-18T16:29:31.888-04:002010-08-18T16:29:31.888-04:00I'm definitely curious about this family and I...I'm definitely curious about this family and I want to read more! It's clear this protagonist has a sense of humour. You can tell a lot about her insecurities in a short amount of time. I would start the story at "I'm going to throw up". I also wonder if the lines about returning from a honeymoon and the fact that she hasn't been home for a while is a case of 'telling, rather than showing' These seems like things that could be explained or implied through dialogue and the other characters behaviors towards her in the upcoming scene.Melissa Sarnohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11215683401795724259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13765988515592154582010-08-18T15:56:41.605-04:002010-08-18T15:56:41.605-04:00I liked it! I'm hooked. Good job.I liked it! I'm hooked. Good job.Courtney Abruzzohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09863947983523888169noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-21838651391044735492010-08-18T15:42:59.327-04:002010-08-18T15:42:59.327-04:00This didn't work for me. I was as confused as...This didn't work for me. I was as confused as Agnes. After reading the whole think twice, I don't get what the problem is. I get that she doesn't get along with her mom so this welcome is a surprise and shock, but what I want to know is why? And you never get there. Perhaps let us know why there's a problem between the two of them?Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-55800696483735257992010-08-18T15:38:09.990-04:002010-08-18T15:38:09.990-04:00I was also confused about where Agnes was - I had ...I was also confused about where Agnes was - I had assumed in her own house. But this is an easy fix. But otherwise the piece reads very well.Sandrahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07879870635626279036noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36864170254026757412010-08-18T15:21:39.037-04:002010-08-18T15:21:39.037-04:00I read the mother-anxiety line to mean that Agnes ...I read the mother-anxiety line to mean that Agnes is a mother worried sick about her child (shows you where my head is). What would have helped clarify would be if we knew earlier where Agnes and Job were in front of her mother’s front door. Also, I’m confused about whether she lives with her mom – I’d think not, but there’s that line about her stepping into someone else’s home… (isn’t that, in fact, what she’s doing?). Perhaps I’m being too literal, but these small hiccups kept me from being fully immersed in this scene.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16951618809679934552010-08-18T10:27:40.163-04:002010-08-18T10:27:40.163-04:00I agree with Bethany Elizabeth. That's a great...I agree with Bethany Elizabeth. That's a great first line. I'm hooked too. You packed a lot in a few words.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03812932664199311878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8598906909287680702010-08-18T10:18:01.810-04:002010-08-18T10:18:01.810-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03812932664199311878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3302084795305162122010-08-18T09:50:22.115-04:002010-08-18T09:50:22.115-04:00Oh, I like it! I'm hooked, I'd definitely ...Oh, I like it! I'm hooked, I'd definitely keep reading. The only suggestion I have is to perhaps cut the first two lines. I was skimming until I got to "Can one actually develop an ulcer from mother-anxiety?" That's such a great line, it can stand alone. Other than that, it was great!Bethany Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12829932931010851406noreply@blogger.com