tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post1951407311158413084..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: May Secret Agent Contest #20Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-14183299076393646832018-05-18T14:42:24.241-04:002018-05-18T14:42:24.241-04:00The mini flashback at the beginning through me off...The mini flashback at the beginning through me off. We want to start in the moment, not with what happened recently. Also, I would caution against starting your story by having a character looking at them self in the mirror (even a visor mirror). That is very overdone.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03260807700950918986noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-10801975857897378172018-05-18T13:56:21.918-04:002018-05-18T13:56:21.918-04:00To add to the above, this sentence took me out of ...To add to the above, this sentence took me out of your story: "Humidity in May in Ohio." It couldn't hurt to expand a little more upon this, just a few words giving contect to how she feels about it, maybe give us a little insight into her character?Lannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05462978810863258660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51750856693969779612018-05-18T11:33:08.845-04:002018-05-18T11:33:08.845-04:00The flashback at the beginning of this breaks up t...The flashback at the beginning of this breaks up the flow and jars me out of the story (easily fixed with a small tweak). Consider opening in chemistry class. Also, this is just my personal taste, but I find rhetorical questions aren't as strong as or as deep a point of view as inner thoughts written as declarative sentences. Again, it's a minor tweak, but with 2 rhetorical sentences on pg 1, I wonder if this is an early draft that's full of unanswered questions. That said, the dialogue is intriguing, and I'd read on to find out if the story-telling improved. Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9841266169681144622018-05-17T14:05:53.393-04:002018-05-17T14:05:53.393-04:00Does anyone know if it's okay to have a flashb...Does anyone know if it's okay to have a flashback of sorts right off the bat like this? I honestly don't know. It stood out to me. Otherwise, I'm also curious. A mystery/romance sounds good to me.Betsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15172083170208857228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-22011378834262591552018-05-17T10:39:12.020-04:002018-05-17T10:39:12.020-04:00I like the voice in this! A few suggestions:
Watch...I like the voice in this! A few suggestions:<br />Watch the repetition of starting sentences with the same word. The genre is romance but this reads more like a mystery with the way Isaac is being so mysterious about his experiment gone wrong. I am intrigued though and would keep reading. sewitschorkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00470045563589329401noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-49285537221541495192018-05-16T22:09:43.150-04:002018-05-16T22:09:43.150-04:00What is he working on? I want to know! I am intrig...What is he working on? I want to know! I am intrigued. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63635052060955152492018-05-16T21:40:51.470-04:002018-05-16T21:40:51.470-04:00I would read this book. Sounds like a mystery/roma...I would read this book. Sounds like a mystery/romance. What happens next?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com