tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2031111082816388138..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 141 MG AdventureAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-81317626852291852602010-03-27T21:12:06.162-04:002010-03-27T21:12:06.162-04:00I would prefer this in past tense.I would prefer this in past tense.Cheryl Snoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82396438660281669622010-03-26T16:06:46.777-04:002010-03-26T16:06:46.777-04:00Not hooked, sorry.Not hooked, sorry.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-47229492738614067652010-03-26T13:39:19.483-04:002010-03-26T13:39:19.483-04:00I was not hooked yet. I don't know what a dog...I was not hooked yet. I don't know what a dog yard is. (I'm guessing the pound). The next sentence feels like it should be something meaningful about the MC not description about Mom in order to draw me in. I'd read on to see how it develops though.suzannehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18079900490192194395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38080668720806480662010-03-26T02:48:26.502-04:002010-03-26T02:48:26.502-04:00Present tense makes it interesting and gives a lit...Present tense makes it interesting and gives a little jolt on the first read through. I would start the action with your MC rather than the mother, but like the way you've described the mother's actions. I'd definitely keep reading.Karen Collumhttp://www.karencollum.com.aunoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-46467518130848788412010-03-26T01:16:36.398-04:002010-03-26T01:16:36.398-04:00I would keep reading but from your first 25 words ...I would keep reading but from your first 25 words I'm worried your MC is whiny. I would maybe start from the MC's perspective not the mom.bfavhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164661338051897220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-9253093889901096202010-03-25T21:51:56.147-04:002010-03-25T21:51:56.147-04:00Not hooked yet. Not thrilled with present tense f...Not hooked yet. Not thrilled with present tense for MG, for one thing. Hard to do well, and I'm not sure this will be. Dog yard means...? Grabs her cheese? I'm just too confused to be hooked.MsJudynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-52889402068846575382010-03-25T17:41:00.447-04:002010-03-25T17:41:00.447-04:00No... I'm not hooked yet. I don't know wha...No... I'm not hooked yet. I don't know what a dog yard is for starters...Cate Kariaxihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01812494549402252779noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-80172622645748637102010-03-25T17:01:44.783-04:002010-03-25T17:01:44.783-04:00I agree...not hooked yet. I am, however, intereste...I agree...not hooked yet. I am, however, interested in the title, and the fact that it is MG adventure. Perhaps you need to start in the middle of some small adventure?Laurahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00953304463413984709noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4292727932916877982010-03-25T16:58:20.774-04:002010-03-25T16:58:20.774-04:00Not really hooked, cuz I figure she's going to...Not really hooked, cuz I figure she's going to take him/her to another dog yard. Period.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com