tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2069033761334723413..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: October Secret Agent #34Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-5090776844594597572013-10-12T02:51:13.148-04:002013-10-12T02:51:13.148-04:00This is very nicely done. I'd read more. Ther...This is very nicely done. I'd read more. There's suspense, intrigue, conflict, danger, everything you need to pull the reader in.<br /><br />I do agree with the SA's in that you could make it creepier. Instead of telling us about the scenery, show it. Instead of saying on one of the blackest nights ever, show it. Describe the darkness, the lack of stars and moon. Give us specifics instead of generalities.<br /><br />ANd you can change 'Soon it wouldn't,' to 'Soon it WON'T." It's her direct thought so it should be in present tense.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54849509732697526542013-10-11T14:01:00.339-04:002013-10-11T14:01:00.339-04:00This is a good start. We like that there is immedi...This is a good start. We like that there is immediate danger and suspense in this opening scene. We fear for her not only because of the snowy roads, but also because she can’t reach 911 and someone seems to be following her. This is great for pulling people in from page one, but we would have liked the atmosphere to be creepier.Secret Agentsnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-33171718991278618682013-10-10T21:53:57.549-04:002013-10-10T21:53:57.549-04:00Caught my attention, but I felt the danger came a ...Caught my attention, but I felt the danger came a bit before we knew why. If the MC had told us why she was being pursued by the car, or at least wondered what she had done to cause someone to try to run her off the road, I would have bought the opening a bit more. <br /><br />I felt as if the opening was a bit out of order. Noticing the car first, tailing her for a long time in the middle of nowhere, then realizing her situation (based on why she thought she was being pursued) would have worked more effectively.<br /><br />Bottom line: I'd keep reading because we are immediately put into a significant situation.ChiTraderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08156118145545539641noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-87513006128555178042013-10-10T15:20:22.339-04:002013-10-10T15:20:22.339-04:00I enjoyed this excerpt too. Though I was pulled ou...I enjoyed this excerpt too. Though I was pulled out in the 4th para when you mentioned Colorado. This early in the story I didn't need to know exactly where the character was, and you already did a very nice job establishing the snowy road. You pulled me back in with "...Satan's motorcade..." That was nice!Shannonhttp://www.shannonwixom.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-3628861251400383902013-10-09T15:27:50.044-04:002013-10-09T15:27:50.044-04:00Sold! LOL. :) That's my way of saying I loved ...Sold! LOL. :) That's my way of saying I loved this and just had to say so. Great job! Good luck!Karen Duvallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01839711547501582977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12437840157497333142013-10-09T14:21:14.133-04:002013-10-09T14:21:14.133-04:00This is really well-written. There is lots of good... This is really well-written. There is lots of good descriptive detail and it paints a nice a really nice picture. I think you did a really good job weaving the description in with the action.<br /><br />Also, the stakes are clearly defined and I have a great sense of the danger she's in and even a little inkling as to why. :)krystal janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02115542477066959046noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-82975221956091777242013-10-09T14:17:31.544-04:002013-10-09T14:17:31.544-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.krystal janehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02115542477066959046noreply@blogger.com