tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2154873062455991150..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: October Secret Agent #27Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-28444435220859009302011-10-23T19:00:05.697-04:002011-10-23T19:00:05.697-04:00I admit, this one lost me at the name “Sherlock Ho...I admit, this one lost me at the name “Sherlock Holmes.” I do love Holmes stories, and I love plucky young girls solving crimes, but I’m tired of the two being put together. I was also wary at having such an immediate flashback, however brief, since it didn’t feel necessary.Secret Agentnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-16247500810572609502011-10-21T17:24:15.614-04:002011-10-21T17:24:15.614-04:00I would delete the flashback and just start the st...I would delete the flashback and just start the story with the eavesdropping. That way, we can learn most of the events from the flashback naturally.Nicole Zoltackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07464800543376449290noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-65350668198931584562011-10-20T16:52:52.746-04:002011-10-20T16:52:52.746-04:00I agree with the other comments about this being t...I agree with the other comments about this being too passive. But putting some spark into this with active verbs will definitely up the energy. This has potential to be a fun story - good luck!Christinenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58412643126606099302011-10-20T14:00:48.274-04:002011-10-20T14:00:48.274-04:00I agree with everyone else. You start right in th...I agree with everyone else. You start right in the middle of things. She's standing in the doorway eavesdropping on Dad and Sherlock, and then instead of listening to the conversation, you take us into backstory, which doesn't really take us all that far back, and which doesn't tell us anything new or important. Perhaps just stay within the moment.Barbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15769803733067838372noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73609779874835575202011-10-20T10:45:54.030-04:002011-10-20T10:45:54.030-04:00I agree with the previous comments, but I am intri...I agree with the previous comments, but I am intrigued and would read on.Joynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-11539111946329034802011-10-19T19:51:45.020-04:002011-10-19T19:51:45.020-04:00I'm going to agree with the other comments.
I...I'm going to agree with the other comments.<br /><br />I love the concept and I think this story could be a lot of fun. <br /><br />But I also think you've started in the wrong place which is why you imediately have a flashback. This could be avoided by starting when she sees Holmes from the window.Trish Esdenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02049667128434033805noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79220164550723794732011-10-19T19:27:29.285-04:002011-10-19T19:27:29.285-04:00While I love the premise, the majority of these op...While I love the premise, the majority of these opening lines are a flashback since Imogene is recalling how she came to be standing outside the parlor door rather than keeping us in the present. I think the other details could be woven in later (such as her father asking about her lessons <i>after</i> the conversation). I think that last line would be an excellent starting line for the novel.<br /><br />Hope this helps!LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-8838425546029296682011-10-19T18:31:52.830-04:002011-10-19T18:31:52.830-04:00Watch out for the word had and ly words. Dottie, ...Watch out for the word had and ly words. Dottie, the maid, told her instead of had told her. Also Imogene raced instead of immediately raced. How does one frown distractedly? I can see a hint of a really cute voice trying to break free. Keep at it and you'll get there!Janice Sperryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00178805752960449557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-4497956528401885542011-10-19T15:43:14.149-04:002011-10-19T15:43:14.149-04:00I love MG mysteries. I agree with Plumbago about t...I love MG mysteries. I agree with Plumbago about the passive beginning. It's like a recap and I would rather be in the middle of the action. I want to be surprised to hear who the two men are from the conversation than be told in advance. <br />I think it's a cute book idea.Annahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10071535816891378260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-68359751817238310972011-10-19T15:28:39.366-04:002011-10-19T15:28:39.366-04:00If we start by watching Imogene listening, then sh...If we start by watching Imogene listening, then she is passive and we won't be as involved in her story. Maybe put the flashback events in the present? Consider starting in the schoolroom, let us get to know Imogene in her normal setting,then go with her (and feel her nervousness?)as she eavesdrops.<br /><br />I love a mystery and I do want to read more.Plumbagonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24323535002254077622011-10-19T15:12:28.688-04:002011-10-19T15:12:28.688-04:00I'm not hooked yet. There's alot of tellin...I'm not hooked yet. There's alot of telling and too little showing. The first two paragraphs are the problem, also, we'd probably figure out quickly who the detectives were once she starts listening to them.<br /><br />With a little work this could be a great start.Marie Andreashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11422636765580836358noreply@blogger.com