tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2426922421176964754..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: 11 SECRET AGENTAuthoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-7054915026532765032009-01-17T22:46:00.000-05:002009-01-17T22:46:00.000-05:00I'm intriqued between the sense of contemporary (t...I'm intriqued between the sense of contemporary (title and opening paragraph) and something more historical with cornfields and braids on top of her head. I like the voice and would read more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-77819886312689366882009-01-16T21:48:00.000-05:002009-01-16T21:48:00.000-05:00The present tense works, and you write it well. I ...The present tense works, and you write it well. I agree with ElanaJ that this reads as YA instead of MG. I am 100% hooked, which is saying a lot, as I'm not usually a fan of this type of setting. I would definitely keep reading.Suzette Saxtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06401538008029407734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12372929033294742892009-01-16T21:02:00.000-05:002009-01-16T21:02:00.000-05:00Hah! I loved it. :D Nice voice, and I liked the ex...Hah! I loved it. :D Nice voice, and I liked the excerpt form the book and her outfit. I'd read on for sure.<BR/><BR/>Good luck,<BR/><BR/>~MercMerchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-44307201076581270422009-01-16T11:40:00.000-05:002009-01-16T11:40:00.000-05:00I have to disagree with the SA. It's perfect. I re...I have to disagree with the SA. It's perfect. I read MG and YA, along with my two teen daughters, constantly. I totally get into this. I adore the Weirdo Tip #16! If this were already out on the shelves we'd scoop it up in a heartbeat. And the first POV adds the mystery of what the guy is thinking! LOVE IT!!!! I would love to see the rest of the wierdo tips. SA she starts with 16 because it applies to her at that moment!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-6008265157039676702009-01-16T10:56:00.000-05:002009-01-16T10:56:00.000-05:00I think starting off with a tip is a fun way to dr...I think starting off with a tip is a fun way to draw readers in. This is a fantastic first page, and I would read on!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-24174600914886406512009-01-16T03:55:00.000-05:002009-01-16T03:55:00.000-05:00HOOKED. This is so quirky and wonderful.HOOKED. This is so quirky and wonderful.Veehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03844706436726113433noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-73045458097257809752009-01-15T23:51:00.000-05:002009-01-15T23:51:00.000-05:00Love the writing here! Your voice is strong and qu...Love the writing here! Your voice is strong and quirky--I'm hooked by Lily right away. Also, the cornfield is an excellent way to give us a sense of place. One thing, though, which you might want to check out: At the high school where I work and the middle school my son attends, writing or drawing on your clothes is not a wierdo thing (especially for 6th-9th graders). In fact some of the really preppy, popular kids do it, much to their parents dismay. Could be a local thing, though. Just something to think about. Again, I loved the writing.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-30292397051397264452009-01-15T22:27:00.000-05:002009-01-15T22:27:00.000-05:00One more thing, I'm not a huge fan of present tens...One more thing, I'm not a huge fan of present tense, but I've read books where it's done so well, I don't notice it at all. I didn't notice it here, so the writing hid it. Not distracted by it at all. <BR/>And still one of my favs, and I've read them all.<BR/>:)Sarah Jensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18385403676603047861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91228641974005003272009-01-15T21:48:00.000-05:002009-01-15T21:48:00.000-05:00This one I'd probably read further, just to see wh...This one I'd probably read further, just to see what happens.<BR/><BR/>I like how the MC describes the popular girls react to the new guy.danceluvrhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16357250951481805093noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51965404127531647422009-01-15T21:17:00.000-05:002009-01-15T21:17:00.000-05:00Potentially nice and I'd like to see where you go ...Potentially nice and I'd like to see where you go with this. The opening 'tips' are a fun/impactful way in - though seems a bit odd to start with #16? Your sentence 'I pop . . . English' doesn't quite work because you've got 2 important things going on and each detracts from the other; you need to give the new kid his own sentence, I think! <BR/>Lily is already emerging as a character, however, and the last 2paragraphs are great.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-90313368594581016132009-01-15T21:16:00.000-05:002009-01-15T21:16:00.000-05:00I somehow missed this one on my first pass. Really...I somehow missed this one on my first pass. Really nice stuff here. I love how her actions contradict what she says - she says she doesn't notice him, and then describes him as what others would call cute. She acts like she doesn't care, but she does. <BR/><BR/>I'd read on, especially to see where the urban fantasy part kicks in. Love that shiver at the end.<BR/><BR/>Well done.Sheila JGhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15371582292020275894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-41108806638273340412009-01-15T20:39:00.000-05:002009-01-15T20:39:00.000-05:00I REALLY liked this. The narrator's voice is fres...I REALLY liked this. The narrator's voice is fresh and different, and I love that she's embraced the "weirdo-ness". I'd definitely read on!LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-12391126932129299112009-01-15T16:56:00.000-05:002009-01-15T16:56:00.000-05:00Hooked.One of my favs!good job.Hooked.<BR/>One of my favs!<BR/>good job.Sarah Jensenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18385403676603047861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-42476432352557194612009-01-15T16:34:00.000-05:002009-01-15T16:34:00.000-05:00I'll be honest, I do feel like the present tense a...I'll be honest, I do feel like the present tense adds energy and a nice "in the now" sort of feel. It doesn't seem fair to say that one tense is greater than another when it comes to ALL YA. I liked this and would definitely keep on reading to find more about Lily.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-60672177638267957962009-01-15T14:29:00.000-05:002009-01-15T14:29:00.000-05:00I certainly hope SA weighs in on the dislike of fi...I certainly hope SA weighs in on the dislike of first person present tense. <BR/><BR/>When I started writing the story it just came out that way! I've read some MG and YA in first person present tense that seemed to add the intimacy and energy. <BR/><BR/>But I didn't realize so many people hate it. Haaaaaate it. Definitely something to think about. Thanks for being so honest about it guys!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-43299433618219447302009-01-15T14:03:00.000-05:002009-01-15T14:03:00.000-05:00Hooked me…Because it’s got voice, charisma and spu...Hooked me…<BR/>Because it’s got voice, charisma and spunk. I like this Loser Lily right off the bat and your tip at the start is great, as is your title. But I wish wish WISH you didn’t write in present tense. Present tense nearly always puts me off a book. It’s only your superb writing that makes me hooked despite the obvious downfall. If you have time, pop by my blog to at least let me know if there’s a reason you decided to take what surely looks like an excellent story and scar it with that foul tense. Please? And really, if you are looking for a critiquing partner, let me know. I’d love to read your story.Anette J Kreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675193405511996480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-51472164460788734762009-01-15T13:37:00.000-05:002009-01-15T13:37:00.000-05:00HOOKED! Favorite one so far!!HOOKED! Favorite one so far!!angelarenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13639436719051155045noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-19237345357504419692009-01-15T10:50:00.000-05:002009-01-15T10:50:00.000-05:00Thanks again for all the great, helpful comments. ...Thanks again for all the great, helpful comments. Just to clear up a few questions people have raised:<BR/><BR/>Charlie, when you say I contradict myself by saying she's not paying attention when she clearly is, I'm trying to show the reader that she pretends she doesn't care what's going on, and tells herself that, but so obviously does care.<BR/><BR/>And as far as the poems on pants vs. butterfly drawing on skirt, I mentioned in the weirdo tip that artwork and poems are best to write on your clothes. In this case, she's wearing a skirt and drawing artwork on it. (there is a reason for the skirt vs. jeans that comes up a bit later.) But it seems to have confused a few folks, so maybe I need to rethink it.<BR/><BR/>It's interesting to see how something that seems so clear to the author can be confusing to a reader. So thanks for all the thoughtful input. It's great to have so many fresh pairs of eyes looking at it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-15255987939675211512009-01-15T10:32:00.000-05:002009-01-15T10:32:00.000-05:00Interesting way to begin… love the Weird tip. Got ...Interesting way to begin… love the Weird tip. Got a little lost in the second paragraph and had to reread it a couple of times to understand what you meant. But the next paragraphs were great. Nice way to set the stage and introduce the characters. I can visualize the MC and I’d read on to find out why she acts the way she does.<BR/><BR/>But you contradict yourself a little bit. When you have the MC describe something, you can’t say she isn’t paying attention. She obviously is if she can give you the details…Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-86709509632803236482009-01-15T09:35:00.000-05:002009-01-15T09:35:00.000-05:00I really liked this. Great opening with the bad p...I really liked this. Great opening with the bad poems on your pants. The fake glasses, fuzzy mittens, and braid on her head are fantastic. I’m intrigued about why it would be bad for both of them to be friends. <BR/><BR/>My only nitpick: first person present. It bugs me. I would definitely read on, but I think the present tense would get in my way.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-34719115448269322462009-01-15T01:04:00.000-05:002009-01-15T01:04:00.000-05:00I love the present and your protag, though I'm per...I love the present and your protag, though I'm personally not a fan of present tense. The "how to be a looser" tips are way cool. (but I know severl teens who do that and aren't loosers, lol) I can visulaize her with her skirt, mittens and fake glasses. I can;t wait to read on and find out more about this spunky girl who dances to her own music. Good job.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07652708425700758883noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70785019067168541662009-01-14T22:57:00.000-05:002009-01-14T22:57:00.000-05:00I really liked this. Totally hooked. BUT, I don't ...I really liked this. Totally hooked. BUT, I don't think it's MG...for real? It sounds YA to me. Lip gloss, cute boy...I'd read on to find out though. :)Elana Johnsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05877856005992028912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74277441741049464992009-01-14T21:06:00.000-05:002009-01-14T21:06:00.000-05:00I love this girl. I think it's her attitude, and t...I love this girl. I think it's her attitude, and that she's not afraid to share it with us. She seems quite natural in what she's telling us.<BR/><BR/>Hooked. This is my favorite so far.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-40064247625236144762009-01-14T20:52:00.000-05:002009-01-14T20:52:00.000-05:00Yes, very much hooked. Excellent job. I would defi...Yes, very much hooked. Excellent job. I would definitely read on. Loved the imagery on the monster's teeth - really sets up the genre.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-62210950697592334192009-01-14T20:17:00.000-05:002009-01-14T20:17:00.000-05:00HOOKED. Hooked, hooked, hooked. This is gold. It ...HOOKED. Hooked, hooked, hooked. This is gold. It makes me want to go back to my own ms. and revise it more.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11431700962951592287noreply@blogger.com