tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2503164216254510605..comments2024-03-28T08:14:28.881-04:00Comments on Authoress: F2S 20Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-61481875585702878142008-12-05T12:03:00.000-05:002008-12-05T12:03:00.000-05:00I like humor.simplify it a bit.Average Readability...I like humor.<BR/><BR/>simplify it a bit.<BR/><BR/>Average Readability Level: 10.3<BR/>Average of grade levels scores that follow.<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Specific Scores<BR/>Flesch-Kincaid Reading Ease (Wikipedia): 52.1<BR/>Aim for 60 to 80. The higher the score, the more readable the text.<BR/><BR/>Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level (Wikipedia): 9.6<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Gunning-Fog Score (Wikipedia): 9.9<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Coleman-Liau Index (Wikipedia): 14<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>SMOG Index (Wikipedia): 8.3<BR/>Approximation of number of years of education required* to read text.<BR/><BR/>Automated Readability Index (Wikipedia): 9.7<BR/><BR/>Grade level is too high, but reading ease is ok. That usually means you're using too many words in a sentence. Remember, when it comes to enjoyment, all of our IQ's drop 20 points. Most NYT bestsellers are at 7th grade levels. Newspapers are as low as 4th.Julie Butcherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15055134290787317245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-64326685207943204152008-12-04T22:06:00.000-05:002008-12-04T22:06:00.000-05:00The humor overcame the phrasing for me, but I thin...The humor overcame the phrasing for me, but I think with a bit of reworking this could suck a reader in without even trying. :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05740371055384281988noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-38858320189142898842008-12-04T18:57:00.000-05:002008-12-04T18:57:00.000-05:00Too many passive words take away from the storytel...Too many passive words take away from the storytelling. The language and sentence structure could be stonger, too.LoriStronginhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10764202539292045963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-36558804176191614602008-12-04T12:44:00.000-05:002008-12-04T12:44:00.000-05:00I like the humor in this. =)I like the humor in this. =)feywriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17224558691840388691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-88140616707754185712008-12-04T10:24:00.000-05:002008-12-04T10:24:00.000-05:00A little humorous, but not a great opener. Sort of...A little humorous, but not a great opener. Sort of cheesy humor. I’m not really hooked.Anette J Kreshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15675193405511996480noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27684022353981198172008-12-03T22:11:00.000-05:002008-12-03T22:11:00.000-05:00Heh. I like it. I'd read on.Heh. I like it. I'd read on.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-63879756234920321222008-12-03T20:36:00.000-05:002008-12-03T20:36:00.000-05:00*scrubs Little Orphan Annie "Miss Hannigan!" out o...*scrubs Little Orphan Annie "Miss Hannigan!" out of head*<BR/><BR/>Plays around with the wording to get rid of passive (was -ing) tenses:<BR/><BR/>Mel Hannigan wondered how she could have been so stupid. At least she wore her seatbelt, particularly since that was the only thing keeping her hanging around in her Porche Boxter after she missed the curve.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-25267724483259387352008-12-03T20:01:00.000-05:002008-12-03T20:01:00.000-05:00Did she wreck her Porche? It's a bit confusing but...Did she wreck her Porche? It's a bit confusing but I'd probably read on to find out what happened and if Mel is really stupid. Good humor.Bethlenehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00399849555406133310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-91012749497823802902008-12-03T19:35:00.000-05:002008-12-03T19:35:00.000-05:00LOL. I'm honestly a bit torn on the POV/tone, but ...LOL. I'm honestly a bit torn on the POV/tone, but the humor of it pulls me in anyway, so I'd probably read on a bit.Merchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14164221022350926808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-70460213104892326852008-12-03T16:59:00.000-05:002008-12-03T16:59:00.000-05:00I'm wondering if it'd flow better to have the seco...I'm wondering if it'd flow better to have the second "was hanging" as a more active hung. With a bit of sentence clean up, I think this will be terrific.Ardythhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15379643762791779892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79823077523903087122008-12-03T15:06:00.000-05:002008-12-03T15:06:00.000-05:00I'm wondering what just happened. I'd definitely r...I'm wondering what just happened. I'd definitely read on to find out. I'm hooked.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10810590407001594471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-27262885646656243342008-12-03T14:49:00.000-05:002008-12-03T14:49:00.000-05:00I like this but I think it could pack a better pun...I like this but I think it could pack a better punch worded differently. Maybe try a few variations and see if you can come up with something snappier.Casey Somethinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17596079290053524103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-79472611243509813412008-12-03T14:14:00.000-05:002008-12-03T14:14:00.000-05:00I know commas are out and we're not here to nit-pi...I know commas are out and we're not here to nit-pick, but I really want to see one after "Actually"<BR/><BR/>The second sentence is a mouthful... "hanging by her... in her... after missing..."<BR/><BR/>Precariously is a tough word here, and seems unnecessary. Hanging by your seat belt sounds quit precarious already! That will help a bit. <BR/><BR/>Dropping some of the "her"s and prepositions will make it roll nicely off the tongue and give it the perfect touch, imo.<BR/><BR/>Otherwise, this is awesome. I'd definitely read on with high expectations.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15772115162429818530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-13482520845357943462008-12-03T13:33:00.000-05:002008-12-03T13:33:00.000-05:00This sounds like a lead in to a comedy. I'd read f...This sounds like a lead in to a comedy. I'd read further to find out what's going on and who finds her.Carolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10711828714855946709noreply@blogger.com