tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post2508826342887160816..comments2024-03-29T05:54:33.136-04:00Comments on Authoress: First Kiss #1Authoresshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09223228949688667517noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-54773840245116642432017-06-02T06:55:20.946-04:002017-06-02T06:55:20.946-04:00This is almost certainly the fault of the word lim...This is almost certainly the fault of the word limit, but I am so confused as to why they are clearly in bed together and then the kiss happens in a dream. I will trust that it sets up something important, but it's also a bit of a let-down that a first kiss between your mains happens in a dream.<br /><br />I suppose for me that this draws from the cliche of opening a story with an exciting dream only to have the character wake up in a mundane situation. While your story clearly relies on a link between dreams and reality, I'm not sure having the first kiss in a dream is... fair? I can see them flirting, teasing, trying in the dream, but I want their first kiss to be real. First kisses are so important and to relegate it to a dream lets down the magic of it.<br /><br />Of course, this criticism is purely my own perspective and since I can't contextualize what is happening, obviously take it with a few flakes of parsley. However, I do question why they are in bed together and nothing is happening. I'd be happier to see her dream of something leading to a kiss, and then decide she would rather it be real. Some of this will depend on whether Marielle is a proactive or reactive MC, I suppose.PThttp://pernicioustit.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-58018132339771957512017-05-30T23:26:46.335-04:002017-05-30T23:26:46.335-04:00There were some very nice details in this page and...There were some very nice details in this page and I am interested in this kiss scene and wondering what occurs in the pages that follow. Well done. There were a few words I wondered about such as "pillowed," in the first paragraph. It struck me too much and I would have preferred "I lay with my head against his chest."<br />The "if you ever doubt my feelings line" confused me a little bit unless Lucca has the ability to control what happens in her dreams. Otherwise, if it were only a dream of course Marielle may still doubt his feelings because the kiss never actually did happen in real life. <br />Marie Hoy-Kennyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05081382934890283766noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-74191336206684565492017-05-30T16:24:54.392-04:002017-05-30T16:24:54.392-04:00What a lovely dream! I hope they never wake and sh...What a lovely dream! I hope they never wake and she can stay in love and content and not have to deal with the recent deaths. We all need dreams like these. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07547808563516206931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3615675676021392217.post-56632934071745153002017-05-30T14:38:34.174-04:002017-05-30T14:38:34.174-04:00I’m really confused as to whether or not this is a...I’m really confused as to whether or not this is a dream. The opening suggests it starts out real and then she drifts to sleep, but by the end it feels real again. If this is meant to blur the line between dream and reality, then good job, this nails it. But if it is supposed to be one or the other, it’s unclear. Could be that I just needed a little longer in the scene, which I presume I would get if I were reading the full manuscript, so that doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t working.<br /><br />The actual kiss seems more rushed than intended, too many intense sensations running together (shivers, trembling, pulse throbbing). Not saying these can’t be used together, but here it’s jumpy and erratic. It made me uneasy, but then, she seems uneasy too, so if that’s what I was feeling and was supposed to, then it worked. I do really love the ending. I like that she doesn’t want the moment cheapened by the fact that it’s a dream, that she’d rather wait for the real thing. And while I adore his reassurance, it is part of what makes me think it’s real and not a dream.<br /><br />Unless it's important that it's ambiguous (which I wondered from the lead-in), I'd like it clearer if it's real or not. I don't mind her feeling uncertain, but I, as a reader, would like to be grounded. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00840406380587432985noreply@blogger.com